questions about IVF and what to say

sorry to crash, but im looking for some advice on how to talk to a friend. she just begun ivf treatment and gave me all the details...but i just dont know what to say. any ladies that have gone through this...are there "wrong" things to say? I know the date that she will find out if she is pregnant...do i call to check up on her? or wait for her to share the news (positive or negative)? I dont want to come across as insensitive but i dont want to upset her.

also, would anyone mind sharing how many IVF treatments they have been through/how many it took before success?
thanks ladies

Re: questions about IVF and what to say

I found in my case, I appreciated when friends were available when I wanted to talk, but didn't pester me with questions about how it was going. Just be there for her when she needs you, and let her know that you're thinking of her, without prying.

If a few days go by after the date she is supposed to find out if she's PG, and you haven't heard anything, I would just text her to let her know you're thinking of her and you're there if she feels like talking.

I got PG on my first IVF treatment, but everyone is obviously different.

You're a good friend for thinking about this and asking us.

Re: questions about IVF and what to say

i would guess that since she opened up to you that she WANTS to talk about it. i talked about it (and still do) to literally anyone that listened.

that being said, the day of her beta don't contact her. if its bad news she may not feel like sharing and if its good news she may be too nervous to tell. you can just send a text or something that says "thinking about you" but def dont flat out ask if it worked. she'll let you know when shes ready.

for me it only took 1 IVF but that was after a year of medicated cycles that all resulted in BFNs or chemical pregnancies.

Re: questions about IVF and what to say

imo i would ask your friend in advance what she wants. does she want questions or does she want to come to you when she feels like it?
tbh sometimes even the best of friendsnever know what to say.
all you can do is say i love you and i am here fore you... gl!

Re: questions about IVF and what to say

its great to ask questions - (about the needles, the dr appointments, about how many embryos are growing inside) and to be positive and hopeful- and to reassure her that she will be a great mom.

I think, however, when its pregnancy test day, let her have that to herself and let her share the news when she is ready.

My family was constantly bugging me ALL DAY about the beta and honestly it drove me nuts. I actually had to lie to them - saying that its too early to get results - to get them off my back.

I know they cared, but it was insensitive to not let me have my moment when I was ready- especially after so many months of stuggling.

By lying about my real beta I was able to suprise them.

Anyway, you are a good friend for asking and she is lucky to have you!

Re: questions about IVF and what to say

Re: questions about IVF and what to say

I think you are so sweet for coming on this forum and asking on how you can support your friend. I personally hated when my friends would ask me all the time what was going on but I did want someone to talk to as some points if that makes sense. So like the previous posters said, I would tell her that you are there for her whenever she wants to talk but don't want to pry if she doesn't want to talk about it.

Re: questions about IVF and what to say

thanks ladies, i appreciate all of the advice
ill give her a call next week to check in and see how the convo goes

Re: questions about IVF and what to say

I would just be there to listen. The wrong thing to do is to tell her how many people you know that IVF did not work for and how she shouldn't get her hopes up. I had someone do that to me and it really depressed me. Try to be as positive as you can.

If she told you the date that she found out then i would send her a text or email that day letting her no you are thinking of her but not putting any pressure on her to tell you the outcome one way or another.

We had one failed IUI and then our first IVF cycle was successful.