has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

i mentioned this to dh yesterday and he was totally unfazed..his usual don't worry,it is going to happen for us and if does not..i am ok with that..me and you for the next 50 years is ok by me..

yes..super sweet..i love him more than life..

but..what if it never happens..i really just have no hope anymore..i dk if it is the holidays,pregnant friends,this flipping blood clot that has put my life on hold or what but if it does not happen will i always be this miserable..

i mean do we ever grow out of it..willi be a 65 year old woman still giving dirty looks to the pregnant lady behind me at the supermarket

i mean if this is what my life is,and god does not want me to be a mother and i have to accept that i at least want to be able to enjoy the life i have been given kwim?

idk..maybe i will steal one of my neices or nephews and flee to canada

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

I feel the exact same way. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one having those thoughts. I think the holidays are definitely having an impact on me. Not to mention that like you I have a million pregnant friends. It pisses me off that there are some people that have had their second child and I started trying before them I'm hoping that 2012 brings us both our BFPs.

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

I think about it too. We've talked about it and always said wed be ok if it was just us. I think we say that thinking deep down that one day we wil have kids. The harder that gets, the more we realize it may be a possibility. In the long run I dont think Ill ever be happy not being a mom. Its like something will always be missing. But I have gotten use to having little responsibility, traveling whenever I want and basically coming and going as I please. I also see how stressed out friends and family get with little ones so it definitely reminds me to enjoy my time while it lasts.

That was long winded but to answer your question we've had the talk. I think we'd both learn to accept it but deep down, we both want to be parents

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

I don't think you'll be 65 and giving dirty looks at the ladies with the strollers!

I think that whatever happens on your journey, you will eventually make peace with it and at 65 you'll be happy with that decision. These past few years are simply a blip in that long life of happiness. Whether you get pregnant through IVF, or naturally during a break, or you adopt or use a surrogate or you decide to go childfree- it will be your decision and you have control over it. In this world you have very little control in where it takes us, but you have the power to be happy with your decision. (look at me, i should take my own advice)

Your DH is like mine . We've had the talk, early since we've known for over a year that we'd have trouble TTC. I dont think I'd ever be ok with not being a mom- i dont care how i get there, i just want to get there. Of course I say that now. But I dont know what the world has in store for me on the rest of this journey, so I might change my mind.

I think whatever happens, you will be ok.

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

We've been afraid to go there. we just look at each other and I can tell he's thinking the same thing..... I think it's wonderful and de-stressing that you were able to have an open conversation about it. Good for you!

It's the unknown that's the worst Why us? Why not the crackhead couple on the corner who shouldn't reproduce? Did God mean for us not to have children, and if we try, will we have a loss?

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

Posted by LIRascal

We've been afraid to go there. we just look at each other and I can tell he's thinking the same thing..... I think it's wonderful and de-stressing that you were able to have an open conversation about it. Good for you!

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

We had the talk on cd2. Since weve been tryin every month he says "dont worry babe it will happen for us" but then i see his face & he is so sad.

He has told me in the past "whats the point of buyin a house &getting married if we cant have a family" this has been scaring me for months because im the one who knows with all my heart that i can be happy with just us and shih tzus. Not so sure about him.

I did tell him that since we are both fine that clomid & iui is as far as im willing to go because of how bad our insurance is for infertility. He said he was ok with that because he know it will.happen for us.

Sometimes i swear hes the broad in this marriage.lol

BIG HUGS TO YOU GINA

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

Honestly, i am trying not to think of that... on Thanksgiving night it was just me and my sister after everyone left, and i was getting upset about something i saw on FB and she asked me what i would do if i couldnt have any myself... i saw adopting was so insanely expensive that I couldnt do that either...

She told me that she would be a surrogate for me... she said she would prefer if it was my egg and Shauns sperm... This is coming from the person who in May stated that if she ever got pg again shed have something that rhymes with shmashmortion... ... So this is saying something. And then i couldnt stop the waterworks. But thats what happens after a ginormous bottle of wine.

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

DH always says not to worry it will happen. Sometimes I think that uspets me more. He tries to be supportive and say well don't worry because no matter what I still have the 2 children I am the guardian of. I think that is getting to me more lately.

I hope the next year brings us all heatlh, happiness and BFP

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

I have not had IF problems, but I can't really get my DH to touch me. So for over a year we have WANTeD to try, but have really only tried 2-3 times.

So I'm thinking it might not happen.

We have talked about, from day one, that it may not happen for WHATEvEr reason. My age, problems etc.

We decided, from the beginning 2 things. One that if I were to get prigs and the was a serious problem, we would not keep the baby.

The second thing was we would be ok if it didn't happen. I have never had a burning desire to be a mother, but would welcome that gift and look for it. But we decided that we would not sacrifice our relationship, sanity, or mental health because of IF peroblems. We made a promise to each other that we we THE most important thing, and even children come second.

It's a roundabout way of saying yes, we had the convo. We have it often. We would not loose our relationship because we couldn't have kids.

I'm not gonna say you will. No one knows and you deserve better than "it's ok, it will happen". I do know e good news is you DO have a wonderful husband, and have your whole lives together. What ana amazing gift.

I say a prayer for you all the time, by the way.

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

Posted by cateyemm

I don't think you'll be 65 and giving dirty looks at the ladies with the strollers!

I think that whatever happens on your journey, you will eventually make peace with it and at 65 you'll be happy with that decision. These past few years are simply a blip in that long life of happiness. Whether you get pregnant through IVF, or naturally during a break, or you adopt or use a surrogate or you decide to go childfree- it will be your decision and you have control over it. In this world you have very little control in where it takes us, but you have the power to be happy with your decision. (look at me, i should take my own advice)

I think whatever happens, you will be ok.

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

I think I can honestly say I would not be happy if it was just DH and me. We have been together a long time now, travelled, gone out drinking with little responsibility and I am mostly beyond all of that. Now I want to stay up till 4am...this time with a screaming baby.

We have discussed how we would definitely adopt and would even consider it if we could have our own children anyway.

However it's so expensive, so recently I decided (to myelf) I would foster a child, even knowing that child could be taken from me it would be a sacrifice I would have to take. And while fostering save for adoption.

I seriously feel like I am already a mother, a mother without any children and I think I would be a really good one.

So I have decided in the past I will not ever stop in my quest to find one, whether it's my own, adopted, or fostered then adopted, and I think if I was single I would still feel the same way. I guess it is just something in me, child-free for me is something that wouldn't be enough in life.

Message edited 11/29/2011 10:08:00 PM.

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

For us, 'the talk' never consisted of the possibility of never having children, but just other routes of getting our family (whether it be through surrogacy... adoption...) We always would talk about having children one day down the line, but have discussed other ways of getting to that point if the path we're taking doesn't bring us our baby the ideal way. For me anyway, it made me feel better to know there was a plan and the plan included having our family.. one way or another..

This road is just so hard.

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

thank everyone..i truly wish for all on this board the bfp we all deserve!

i just feel like with all these meds and diagnosis and multile mc's god should throw me a bone by now and instead he gives me a blood clot to delay ivf .. ..i guess it is true what they say tell god your plan and he will laugh

i am just super frustrated,super jealous,super bruised and def super fat from all this..although IF did not make me eat those chips i just had

i just want to prepare myself for the possibility of not becoming a mother...adoption is something we could not afford and i have discussed surrogacy with my sisters and i just said right now..i do not think i could watch u pregnant,even though it was for me...and i realize how selfish and horrible that is..but ask me in 5 years and i might have a diff answer

thanks again and i hope you all get your christmas wish this year!



i do not knwo what i would do without u girls

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

We've had that talk, usually in an emotional breakdown after another failed cycle. Honestly, this has just gotten so hard, I think DH just wants to jump ship. He's suggested just adopting, even though we haven't exhausted all our options...has said, "let's just get a lawyer and adopt." We're really lucky that we have good coverage and money enough for adoption, but this IF journey has beaten us down and I feel like I'm losing my mind. All that said, I don't see how I could ever come to terms with being childless. My family is so dysfuntionsl that I desperately want to make a stable, loving family of my own. When he talks about giving up, it's a deal-breaker for me. We'll see how I feel about adoption when my IVF coverage is gone...

And when I think about "God" and "His plan" it makes me so angry I could spit, so I choose to be an atheist.

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

i don't think i could have this talk with DH, he'd probably flip out on me. As it is, I told him if this cycle is not successful I was thinking of taking a break for at least a month just because this process has been so emotionally draining. But he was PO'd when I brought that up and said "NO, we're NOT taking a break.." oh well.

For now, all you can do is just have faith that it is going to happen.. fingers crossed for you and for all the ladies on this board Hope we all get our LO's soon...

Re: has anyone had the..what if it is just you and me talk..

Didn't talk to DH about it, but I was thinking a lot about this over Thanksgiving because I felt so miserable and bitter about the fact that I have no baby to be thankful for. Then I started feeling guilty because I am so lucky and fortunate in so many other ways. How can I see commercials about people dying and starving and feel like I have nothing to be thankful for. I ate so much food on Thanksgiving and I sleep in a warm bed every night.

In the end I decided that I am thankful about what I have but sad about what I don't, and to answer your question....

I love DH and I will be happy to spend my life with him and only him. But I don't think I will ever stop being sad if I can't be a mother. I think you just learn to carry things with you quietly instead of wearing it on your sleeve.

With that being said I hope that when we are in the supermarket at 65, we are buying gummy bears and hot chocolate for our grand kids!

Message edited 11/30/2011 8:42:36 PM.