Not feeling the love

Some members of my immediate family never ever ask me things like how Im feeling, they dont ask how doctors appts went (like when I heard the heartbeat). When I bring it up to them (like, Hey, I heard the heartbeat, it was SO cool) they respond in such a passive manner (Oh thats nice) as if I told them "Hey, today is Tuesday."

This is the first grandchild on my side of the family, it just hurts a little that my happiness is brushed under the rug and not shared. We do have other family issues going on, but this is a happy thing!

Everyone else is so nice and caring, even people at work seem more interested in how I feel than my own family. WT F?

Re: Not feeling the love

maybe they don't know that it's possible to hear a heartbeat. or maybe they don't know how doctors appts work. my parents are clueless to the appts. they always think that there's a sono at every appt.

Re: Not feeling the love

Do you feel in general this is how they act with all happy news that don't involve them directly, or are they type to think its too premature for them to happy until you pass a certain number of weeks?

I only ask because, my parents and inlaws were escstatic, but they proceeded with caution for many reasons. I don't think your family is any less excited about the baby, or being grandparents and adding a new generation, it just might be that they are bit reserved.

Re: Not feeling the love

Not sure how far along you are, but sometimes it is hard for people to "understand" until you are visably pregnant-KWIM?

Re: Not feeling the love

Maybe they just dont understand...I try to explain to them what I expect at the Dr appts, in hopes that they will act a little more enthusiastically, but so far no luck.

Right now I am eagerly anticipating things like registering, planning the baby shower (even though it would be a few months away) but I dont even get the sense that they would WANT to participate in those things with me.

Maybe as I get farther along they will act more excited. Im sure they are probably happy, but they sure dont act like it!

Re: Not feeling the love

I am getting this a lot from one of my family members. Unfortunately I know that she has been hoping for a baby herself, and so I think that seeing me pregnant is hard for her.

It hurts me because I so want her to be happy for me and also for the new addition to our entire family. But I think it is just very hard for her to detach her own feelings from the situation.

I wonder who the family members are who are not giving you the feedback you were hoping for? Siblings, your parents? Cousins? I wonder if they have been struggling to TTC themselves and so it is a difficult situation for them?

Re: Not feeling the love

Honestly I don't think anyone will be as excited as you are....Its kinda the same as when you plan a wedding....that and havign a baby is all consuming and we expect exeryone around us to feel the same.

I am sure they are excited for you but there is a different feeling when it is happenign to you.

Re: Not feeling the love

I hear you. My family is a mixed bag, our parents are super excited on both sides (although DH's parents are a bit more reserved) but as far as the siblings some are into it and some seem like they could care less. Its hurtful, but I try to surround myself around the positive./excited people and pay less attention to the others.

Re: Not feeling the love

Re: Not feeling the love

I think that different people are from different schools of conversation, showing emotion, etc. My family is very blase- about most things in my life, including my pregnancy. They don't actively ask how I'm feeling, about baby's development, our plans for baby, etc. They have always been like this and I realize they will never change. Some people are can be all about them, slightly self-centered, in their own world, and don't understand the give-and-take of a two-way conversation. They may not ask questions or show a deep interest- and its not personal. On the other hand, my husband's family is ALWAYS asking about how I am feeling, baby names, development, latest appointments, etc etc. I don't think your family is trying to be passive and semi-rude, its just how they are and how they interact. It took me many years to accept that this is not personal and some people are not going to change. That being said, I love them dearly- but I am a mushy, interested, wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve kind of chick- and they are not. And thats ok. Maybe your fam just isn't going to start asking questions and be all super-interested one day- I think you can just keep giving them the information, sharing your enthusiasm, speaking your mind and trying to involve them. Don't take it personally! Hope this helps!

Message edited 9/13/2011 9:26:15 PM.

Re: Not feeling the love