i feel very uneasy about my first sono

i am sure this is normal to those who have had miscarriages but i feel very strange.

on one hand i want to make sure there is a heartbeat and all looks good.

on the other hand...lets say there is a heartbeat....
what good is that really?(lets not even go there is there is no heartbeat!)

i mean yes its great...
but it doesnt mean the bad thing wont happen again.

i feel ..........just.................ah............like because of the miscarriages that even if things look good...i wont be able to give this baby the excitement it deserves bc i am so scared inside.

sorry for venting...just dont know how to put things into perspective

ty v much

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

I felt the same exact way.

I waited until 8 weeks for a sonogram because I felt like going in any earlier wouldn't give me any piece of mind. With my miscarriage I saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks and then none at 9 weeks so I didn't want to see something again early just to go back a second time and get bad news. It was hard wait though, really hard. I was a nervous wreck regardless.

I will be 16 weeks tomorrow and I'm still having a hard time. Some days I'm over the moon excited and other days I'm a nervous wreck. I think it's normal to have these feelings after a loss. It's like a part of me still can't believe that I'm having a baby.

I wish you the very best of luck!!!

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

OK ER buddy, this one's going to be long!
I SO could've written this. Here's my philosophy (it'll probably change before my appoinment tomorrow ).
If this one isn't meant to be, will it hurt any less than if you didn't celebrate? I was SO sure my last pregnancy was golden. There were 2!!!! He'd found my issues, what else was there???
I remember thinking please let them both be ok... but I rembember thinking if one disappeared at least there was another one, kwim? (Does that sound awful?) And then we went from 2 to 0 just like that. It almost killed me. I was there on 9/11, I ran with a bunch of others and saw the worst of man that day... you know what, that moment in Dr. B's office, tops it as the single worst moment of my life.
If I go in tomorrow (and I've been VERY cautious--- I actually refer to myself as "a little pregnant" to DH and when our family (who know we cycled) ask what's going on I tell them we're not out yet and I'll get back to them) and there's no hb or things aren't what they should be, it's going to hurt all over again. I don't think it's going to hurt less this time around b/c I censored my feelings as much as I could, kwim?
Many for you (and me! ) for good appointments! I'm sure we will see you in the waiting room! You have to celebrate each milestone! I told my DH we weren't allowed to go out to dinner to celebrate until after a heartbeat... then I told him I won't be relaxed until they're in my arms and I know they're ok... and then the real fun begins!

Message edited 9/6/2011 4:54:53 PM.

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

i pretty much posted the same thing today.

doc said that once you see the heartbeat, your chances of mc go down a lot. i dont know if that makes you feel better (it doesnt really for me)

it suckss that we are robbed of the joy and excitement of this process. but in the end, we get a baby, that's all that matters, right?

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

I hear ya, with this pregnancy I didnt feel. Completely comfortable until I heard the heartbeat and that was at 16wks. I still have the fears also and I will be 19 wks on Friday. I am finally starting to enjoy it again

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

if i ever get pregnant iw ill be the same exact way

i think i will be paranpoid every day until he or she come out

it is def normal!!!!!!

han in there

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

I can completely identify with this and also with what mrsmessina said. As you know, we had a similar experience where we had triplets and I thought with THREE, there was at least some element of a guarantee there that we would at least go home with one. Well.. everything went from fine to then seeing none of the heartbeats. It's absolutely DEVASTATING and TRAUMATIZING beyond words. It opens your eyes to the dark road that you so hope to avoid, especially after all it took to get there in the first place. I know I will be crazy and paranoid when it's my time again ... but I'm determined to not let my past experiences and my fear run my life. I just can't. I know it's easier said than done though.

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

I have no words of advice, just

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

ive never had a good sonogram... even the one where we saw a HB it was over a week behind...

so i know exactly what you mean...

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

I hope everything works out and this uneasy feeling is put to rest.

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

Crasher...
I am 23 weeks today and still feel like at some point it will be or it's all too good to be true. After having 3 MC's it is so hard to just relax and enjoy being pregnant. Everyone around me is so excited which scares me even more because what do I do if something horrible happens? How do you tell them? How would I get over it? I have learned to just thank God everyday for my LO and take it day by day. Anything can happen to anyone but I think for many of us we almost expect something to happen. I want to be able to go to the bathroom and not check the TP with a constant fear that I will see something I dont want to see. When I had spotting early on in this pregnancy (after I told myself not to get excited) I cried like a baby. I thought that if I didnt let myself get too excited about it, it would be easier if something happend. Thats not the case at all. So please, just try to enjoy it for as long as you can and just take it day by day. I really hope that this is it for you.

Sorry so long, I ramble a lot I guess.

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

I know exactly how you feel!!!! I actually never got too excited about this pregnancy. I was way too apprehensive. Going through so many cycles you condition yourself to not get excited. Then you finally get pregnant and you think Yayyy we did it. Then you MC. and you never get excited again it's just too crushing.
With this pregnancy, 30w , by the time we were a little in the clear of 1 or 2 MC. I felt like I had been pregnant for so long. It's really only in the past few weeks that I have relaxed a bit.

Good luck!! As you know the support here is great. Thinking great thoughts for you.

Re: i feel very uneasy about my first sono

any update?