After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

DH surprised me last night during one of our IF conversations. He mentioned that once we get pregnant after IVF, that he does not want to go through fertility treatment for the next pregnancy. We always wanted at least 2, maybe 3, so this just threw me for a loop.

We talked, fought and discussed this for awhile and, I honestly feel that he is not set on this, that it may just be the frustration, nerves and fear speaking.
Anyone else experience this?

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

after our first, my DH said he wanted to try naturally before doing IF treatments for #2 but when the time actually came, he saw that it really didn't make sense and we started back with FETs before doing IVF fresh again

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

Honestly my feeling is you don't know what you will choose to do until the time comes. Frustration really is such a powerful feeling and after each of my losses I told my dh I never wanted to try again. Like as in ever!! yet I never REALLY meant that... I just get so upset being put through perpetual heartach one loss after another.

I really believe that once you reap the benefits of these treatments and have a healthy baby in your arms, this road will feel completely worth it and if you want another badly enough, you will make it worth it again.

No sense in worrying about all this now though. Just focus on the first baby and when the time comes for siblings, you could decide what's right for you then emotionally, financially, etc

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

Posted by PennyCat

Honestly my feeling is you don't know what you will choose to do until the time comes. Frustration really is such a powerful feeling and after each of my losses I told my dh I never wanted to try again. Like as in ever!! yet I never REALLY meant that... I just get so upset being put through perpetual heartach one loss after another.

I really believe that once you reap the benefits of these treatments and have a healthy baby in your arms, this road will feel completely worth it and if you want another badly enough, you will make it worth it again.

No sense in worrying about all this now though. Just focus on the first baby and when the time comes for siblings, you could decide what's right for you then emotionally, financially, etc

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

After my 1st DS was born (IUI) , when someone would ask me if we were going to try for a 2nd I always said I would do IUI's again but would probably not go any further if that didn't work.....


Fast forward 2 IVF's, a DD and then an FET that gave me DS #2, I for one can honestly say you have no idea WHAT you may do once the time comes


eta.....You will often hear pregnant women who had horrible pregnancies and/or bad labor say they will never do it again.....Once those painful memories fade and are replaced by happy ones- the heart says otherwise

Message edited 8/19/2011 12:06:03 PM.

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

my DD is 3 months old. i am DEF hoping that #2 just happens, its a surprise and that we aren't really trying. do i really believe that will happen? only if i'm lucky. the good thing about IVF is that in a lot of cases you end up with frosties. we have 8. when the time comes, if it doesn't happen on it's own, I will def do an FET. what i wont do is waste my time on ovulation induction timed intercourse/IUI cycles again. i would just go straight for my frosties.

i think your DH is speaking in the moment. i had an extremely traumatic birth where my health was in serious danger. for a month or two after DH was very much considering our DD being an only child. already at three months later he's softened a bit and will mention her future brothers/sisters occasionally. it will just take some time for him to get over the trauma and anguish of infertility. once its not top of mind he will come around. also, i think women are built better to forget trauma, its part of the birthing process. men don't have that mechanism quite as much as we do. he will come around, and maybe you won't even need it!

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

Posted by FlowerWife

my DD is 3 months old. i am DEF hoping that #2 just happens, its a surprise and that we aren't really trying. do i really believe that will happen? only if i'm lucky. the good thing about IVF is that in a lot of cases you end up with frosties. we have 8. when the time comes, if it doesn't happen on it's own, I will def do an FET. what i wont do is waste my time on ovulation induction timed intercourse/IUI cycles again. i would just go straight for my frosties.

i think your DH is speaking in the moment. i had an extremely traumatic birth where my health was in serious danger. for a month or two after DH was very much considering our DD being an only child. already at three months later he's softened a bit and will mention her future brothers/sisters occasionally. it will just take some time for him to get over the trauma and anguish of infertility. once its not top of mind he will come around. also, i think women are built better to forget trauma, its part of the birthing process. men don't have that mechanism quite as much as we do. he will come around, and maybe you won't even need it!

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

Don't worry about this now. Once you have a child everything changes. So many times DH's try to throw up road blocks along the way but most of them come around in time. My DH did the same kind of thing at various points when we were going through IF struggles.

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

Posted by RGEC47

Posted by PennyCat

Honestly my feeling is you don't know what you will choose to do until the time comes. Frustration really is such a powerful feeling and after each of my losses I told my dh I never wanted to try again. Like as in ever!! yet I never REALLY meant that... I just get so upset being put through perpetual heartach one loss after another.

I really believe that once you reap the benefits of these treatments and have a healthy baby in your arms, this road will feel completely worth it and if you want another badly enough, you will make it worth it again.

No sense in worrying about all this now though. Just focus on the first baby and when the time comes for siblings, you could decide what's right for you then emotionally, financially, etc

Thanks Penny!

I really do believe, moreso Hope, that this was just the frustration speaking.

I have followed your story and everyday your optimism and hope really does humble me. It is something admire and envy in a sense. I hope this cycle your downs will be over, and you and your husband can move on to being parents.

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

maybe you'll have twins then you dont have to worrry! that's what im hoping at least.
at this stage, i cant fathom doing this again. but its amazing how we can plow through to get to the end result.

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

After dd I was able to get pg on my own which was a complete surprise we weren't trying but we weren't preventing and we were thrilled. DH was beyond happy we didn't have to go through IF treatments. After celebrating for only 2 weeks I lost the baby. We were devastated but DH wanted to try again right away, he felt like we could do it again naturally (I didn't) he said we should wait 6 months and than go to the RE and maybe it would happen again for us naturally. I strongly disagreed and I told him how much I wanted another one and he did too and I didn't want to risk waiting, risk having another miscarriage, so I only waited 2 months and no we are back at the RE. He just had to do an SA and he was fine, I was surprised I thought he would be reluctant but he really want another baby. I think when the desire is there, men come around. For men its really hard to give up the control, to have their lives devoted to ttc. You just never know where life will take you and what will happen.

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

Posted by RGEC47

Posted by cateyemm

maybe you'll have twins then you dont have to worrry! that's what im hoping at least.
at this stage, i cant fathom doing this again. but its amazing how we can plow through to get to the end result.

That owuld be a dream come true, but right now I am just wishing for one healthy baby.

It is true, I have surprised myself as to how strong I really am. I have my moments, where I feel negative, sad, frustrated and hopeless, but then there are times where I am the complete opposite. Through all of this I have learned more about myself and my husband for that matter. It will happen, for all of us.

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

We both agreed that we would NEVER do IF treatments again after we were finally blessed. But now that she is here, I am starting to think differently and I am pretty sure I could get DH on board if need be. You never know until you are there, KWIM? In the moment, dealing with everything, it is so easy to think one way but once you survivie it, you start to think about your capacity to do it all again.

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

Posted by SweetTooth


I had twins the first time.. .thought I was done, didn't want to go through it all again, was blessed with two... all that. Then a few months after they were born I knew I wanted another. (and now #3 is 5 months old and I'd love to have one more) I know it seems impossible, but once you have a baby (or babies) the struggles to bring them into the world doesn't seem as horrible as it did when you were in the midst of it.
So, its not something I would worry about until the time comes.

Re: After 1st successful pregnancy, what next?

We are not sure how many we want to have, either 1 or 2. If we have a successful pregnancy, we will definitely need to use IVF again - so there is not too much to discuss.

Message edited 8/19/2011 10:03:42 PM.