Please tell me I'm being silly

Knock some sense into me...

Beta was negative

I really cant handle it. Im not dealing well with all the mess that comes in the neat title of "infertility".

This was our first real month of trying, second month doing stims. While I've known all along that this is going to be a hard road, for some reason I was hoping to be one of the lucky ones who gets prgnant on her first try. Those two "false" positives, or whatever they were, messed with my brain.

I am missing so much work and taking it unpaid. While I'm pretty sure that my job is secure, my boss informed me that I wont get a raise until my attendence improves. I dont see that happening any time soon.

I was thinking of not being so aggressive next month. The meds are really affecting my other physical ailments making daily life miserable, on top of the emotional stuff. I also didnt want to have so many doctor's appointments this cycle. But when the doctor called me to say he wants to do immune testing, I made an appointment for Thursday, without even blinking. I'll have to tell my boss I'm leaving early again, which is giving me more anxiety. The doc said he wants to do more testing because of the positives I got on 9 and 11 DPO.

Many of you have been down a long and hard road and it seems like you still have hope. I really admire you all but I dont think I have your strength.

Im hoping that you all think I'm being silly, that I should buck up and just deal with it. Maybe we can all roll our eyes at how silly I'm being. Feel free to tell me so. thanks for listening

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

i dont' think you are being silly. this is hard. all of it. our first round of IUI was last cycle and i was like you and thought it would be my "lucky" cycle. when we got a BFN, it took me days to feel like i had the strength to do it again. and i know we ARE lucky in the grand scheme of things. only you know what is best to do for you and your body. i do think though if your dr wants to do immune testing that it's worthwhile. it's better to know if there is something else going on than just continuing forward with the same protocol, which may not be right for you. see how you feel in a few days....the sting of a BFN always takes a little time to get past (at least for me) lots of to you.

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

I am sorry your cycle didnt work out, but I do not think you are being silly. After my IVF cycle, my betas didnt climb like they should have. I ceased to function for a full week... I was crying and a mess.

You'll get through this. All that we go through to reach our goal of having a baby gives us the strength to keep going on. Do yoy have the relationship with your boss that you can share what is going on? I told mine, and it made the process much easier. Good luck next month!!!

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

Posted by ShhhTTCin11

I am sorry your cycle didnt work out, but I do not think you are being silly. After my IVF cycle, my betas didnt climb like they should have. I ceased to function for a full week... I was crying and a mess.

You'll get through this. All that we go through to reach our goal of having a baby gives us the strength to keep going on. Do yoy have the relationship with your boss that you can share what is going on? I told mine, and it made the process much easier. Good luck next month!!!

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

Posted by cateyemm

Posted by ShhhTTCin11

I am sorry your cycle didnt work out, but I do not think you are being silly. After my IVF cycle, my betas didnt climb like they should have. I ceased to function for a full week... I was crying and a mess.

You'll get through this. All that we go through to reach our goal of having a baby gives us the strength to keep going on. Do yoy have the relationship with your boss that you can share what is going on? I told mine, and it made the process much easier. Good luck next month!!!

Im not sure how i feel about telling her. she has a huge mouth- nothing is a secret with her. i havent even had the guts to tell my mom yet.

thanks for your kind words ladies.

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

First of all so sorry about thr neg beta. Sooo how do I do this? When I want to throw my hands up and give up which is often btw I say to nmyself " what will I regret more? Stopping or continueing?" The answer always ends up ythat I will regret more if I give up. As far as work goes when I hjave to leave early or miss a day I do not get paid either. I had to tell my boss last year why I might miss work with very little warning. I hate that people at work know but constantly trying to hide it or lying is even more stressful. I also let my doc know about my work schedule so we can try to minimize time lost but its not always possible. Only u can answer what will work for u kwim? But if u do want to keep going my thoughts are be prepared for the ups and downs and to try to remember that u and your family are worth all the struggle!!!!!!! Xoxioxi

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

Posted by cateyemm

Posted by ShhhTTCin11

I am sorry your cycle didnt work out, but I do not think you are being silly. After my IVF cycle, my betas didnt climb like they should have. I ceased to function for a full week... I was crying and a mess.

You'll get through this. All that we go through to reach our goal of having a baby gives us the strength to keep going on. Do yoy have the relationship with your boss that you can share what is going on? I told mine, and it made the process much easier. Good luck next month!!!

Im not sure how i feel about telling her. she has a huge mouth- nothing is a secret with her. i havent even had the guts to tell my mom yet.

thanks for your kind words ladies.

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

Posted by ShhhTTCin11
I told my boss but not Mom

Maybe you can tell your boss that you have a non life threatening medical issue that is requiring a lot of appointments. That might be enough to let her see there is a reason for your attendance issues.

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

Re: Please tell me I'm being silly

i am so sorry cate. I have no advice, just wanted to give you hugs!