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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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really angry at my FIL
I am just super pizzed off at my FIL right now. For those of you who have known me for a while, you know that I don't get along with my BIL's wife- well in full-fairness noone gets along with her, but she and I REALLY don't like each other.
So since their wedding last year she has pretty much stopped attending family functions which has upset DH and his family since BIL is not only DH's brother but his twin brother.
So the boy's 30th b-day is next week and their parents wanted to take us ALL out to dinner to celebrate. So after BIL doing his best to get his wife out of the whole thing he realized that just wasn't going to happen and she was going to have to come.
SO DH and I arrive at the restaurant last night and I kiss his parents hello, kiss his brother hello and say "hi, how are you?" to his wife, and then go to walk to the other side of the table to say hello to DH's sister. So my FIL grabs me by my shoulders and tries to steer me back to kiss the wretched SIL hello and he's like, "come on Nicole, it's not going to be like that" so I told him he was asking too much and to let it go.
Ummmm, not for nothing, but this is the same girl that has not acknowledged my pregnancy for 7 months (still hasn't). This is the same girl who requested I not be in family photos at her wedding even though DH and I were already married. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I KISS HER HELLO?!?!?!?
I will be civil, bordering on friendly even, towards her, but that's about it. I will not kiss her hello at any given point in time. I pizzes me off to no end that everyone tries to tip-toe around this mean girl. I will not go out of my way to be an arsehole to her, but I sure as hell have no intentions of going out of my way to make her feel more confortable either. She doesn't deserve and such treatment.
I'm just beyond mad at this point that my FIL expects me to be a doormat for this girl. They are welcome to kiss her butt if they'd like, but I will not. I will show and DH and his family the proper respect, but I have to hold on to my self respect at the same time.
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Posted 7/24/06 10:51 AM  |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: really angry at my FIL
 Good for you for sticking to your guns. She doesn't even deserve a hello after how she has treated you
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| Posted 7/24/06 10:55 AM |
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Re: really angry at my FIL
I would be really mad also
she sounds like a real B****
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| Posted 7/24/06 10:56 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: really angry at my FIL
I would be mad as well. Maybe at some point you can tell your FIL that he made you uncomfortable and he should never make you do something that you do not want to do. You're an adult for goodness sake.
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| Posted 7/24/06 10:59 AM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: really angry at my FIL
GOOD FOR YOU! FIL sounds like he is trying to make everything "perfect" and that's just not going to happen. Having a future SIL who is a manipulative witch, I respect you standing your ground and telling him to let it go. I would be angry too.
I still remember the whole picture incident at her wedding last year. What an awful human being.
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| Posted 7/24/06 11:05 AM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: really angry at my FIL
I feel the same way about my SIL. Everyone tip toes around her like she is a little princess. You, by no means, have to kiss her hello. It was polite enogh that you said hello and acknowledged her when she obviously hasn't done the same for you. And noone should expect anymore from you than to be civilized at family affairs.
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| Posted 7/24/06 11:05 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Posted by pmpkn087
I would be mad as well. Maybe at some point you can tell your FIL that he made you uncomfortable and he should never make you do something that you do not want to do. You're an adult for goodness sake.
I have a feeling that will be coming out within a day ot two. I'm just hoping i can express my feelings to him with out exploding- because as it is I've been yelling and crying about this since last night. I only got about 4 hours of sleep which isn't helping me much either.
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| Posted 7/24/06 11:05 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: really angry at my FIL
wow, good for you. My MIL does the same thing with me and my SIL. She owes me a ton of money, still secretly asks DH for more money...I am done with her and her lies. I don't know why the fam still puts up with this nonsense.
She kept you out of wedding pics???
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| Posted 7/24/06 11:15 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Posted by Janice
She kept you out of wedding pics???
Yup. And my DH and ILs went along with it to keep the peace. I will never get over that. I don't really expect much better from her or my BIL, but my DH and his parents should have stood their ground and said that that was unacceptable- and they didn't.
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| Posted 7/24/06 11:35 AM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: really angry at my FIL
I would be extremely ticked off too. And I agree that you should say something to FIL so that he never puts you in that position again. You're right in waiting until you're calmer to say anything though. I wonder why the rest of the family continues to be so nice to this witch?
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| Posted 7/24/06 11:36 AM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Janice
She kept you out of wedding pics???
Yup. And my DH and ILs went along with it to keep the peace. I will never get over that. I don't really expect much better from her or my BIL, but my DH and his parents should have stood their ground and said that that was unacceptable- and they didn't.
I agree with you 100%. Since she got away with that she will continue to treat you badly. The fact that they did not back you up must make you feel awful. Are they afraid of her or something? I know people who are so afraid of confrontation that they just go along with what is so wrong on so many levels just to avoid an "unpleasant situation." That is so wrong!!
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| Posted 7/24/06 11:39 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Janice
She kept you out of wedding pics???
Yup. And my DH and ILs went along with it to keep the peace. I will never get over that. I don't really expect much better from her or my BIL, but my DH and his parents should have stood their ground and said that that was unacceptable- and they didn't.
I thought she just suggested it not that it actually happened.
I change my answer!! You should never have to be in this woman's presence EVER!!! That may be the rudest thing I have ever heard of I can't believe that they went along with it. What could her reasoning have been??!! That is something I would never be able to forgive or forget!! Next time dump a plate of steaming hot pasta on her head!!!!
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| Posted 7/24/06 11:44 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Posted by SuzyQ
I agree with you 100%. Since she got away with that she will continue to treat you badly. The fact that they did not back you up must make you feel awful. Are they afraid of her or something? I know people who are so afraid of confrontation that they just go along with what is so wrong on so many levels just to avoid an "unpleasant situation." That is so wrong!!
They are afraid of losing their son- who backs this witch up no matter what she does. And what gets me the most upset is that DH agrees with the way his parents handled (or I should say didn't handle) the wedding picture thing. He said that I better get used to it because his parents would always choose his brother over me, and I'm crazy to expect them to do anything different than that. As much as that may be true, I still don't think it was right, or fair, f0r DH to go along with it. He felt like he was his brother's best man and he didn't want to start and trouble for him. So better that his own wife be made to feel like a worthless piece of shi!t!
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| Posted 7/24/06 11:45 AM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by SuzyQ
I agree with you 100%. Since she got away with that she will continue to treat you badly. The fact that they did not back you up must make you feel awful. Are they afraid of her or something? I know people who are so afraid of confrontation that they just go along with what is so wrong on so many levels just to avoid an "unpleasant situation." That is so wrong!!
They are afraid of losing their son- who backs this witch up no matter what she does. And what gets me the most upset is that DH agrees with the way his parents handled (or I should say didn't handle) the wedding picture thing. He said that I better get used to it because his parents would always choose his brother over me, and I'm crazy to expect them to do anything different than that. As much as that may be true, I still don't think it was right, or fair, f0r DH to go along with it. He felt like he was his brother's best man and he didn't want to start and trouble for him. So better that his own wife be made to feel like a worthless piece of shi!t!
I'm so sorry!!! That really stinks. BIG TIME. I guess it makes "sense" that they are worried about losing their son. What can he possibly see in this witch? How can someone love such an awful person??? I just don't get it.  I hope you can continue to stay away from her as much as possible. Do you have any idea why she feels the way she does about you? My first guess without knowing anything about the situation is jealousy. It stinks that family occassions have to be so awful because of her.
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| Posted 7/24/06 12:31 PM |
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FeliciaDP
♥
Member since 5/05 18599 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Posted by Stacey1403
I change my answer!! You should never have to be in this woman's presence EVER!!! That may be the rudest thing I have ever heard of I can't believe that they went along with it. What could her reasoning have been??!! That is something I would never be able to forgive or forget!! Next time dump a plate of steaming hot pasta on her head!!!!
I love this advice
Nicole, the ladies have already given you some great input here but I will just add and say that I am terribly sorry that your FIL put you in such an awkward position and tried to make you feel like you were in the wrong by simply being civil to this biiatch of a SIL.. It's unfair and wrong and I would have been just as upset as you were, in fact probably moreseo. I give you credit for even saying HELLO to her - really , right there you proved you were the better person, esp. given what hell she has put you through for so long
- so to be told you should have kissed her hello???? - uh no how, no way, could I or would I. you did nothing wrong!
I'm sorry 
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| Posted 7/24/06 12:41 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Posted by SuzyQ
I'm so sorry!!! That really stinks. BIG TIME. I guess it makes "sense" that they are worried about losing their son. What can he possibly see in this witch? How can someone love such an awful person??? I just don't get it. I hope you can continue to stay away from her as much as possible. Do you have any idea why she feels the way she does about you? My first guess without knowing anything about the situation is jealousy. It stinks that family occassions have to be so awful because of her.
Family gatherings are a pain, but she rarely goes, so it's not like I have to deal with her often- which is the one good thing.
She and I have not gotten along from the get-go. My BIL went out with his ex-girlfriend for 7 years, so she and I remained friends when they broke up. So that's what the witch claimed her initial problem with me was. She thought that I should terminate the friendship because he had a new girlfriend.  Um, grow up.
Then for a long time she was just constantly nasty to me, making rude comments and picking on me. DH asked me to keep quiet and not start any trouble. So for a while I did, but then she just got so nasty and abusive even DH was like "enough is enough."
So once I stopped taking her sh!t, things went even further downhill. She didn't come to my bridal shower or our RD and then dressed like a hooch for our wedding. I tried to be the bigger person and attend her bridal shower and her sister tried to start a fight with me. She had a RD and only invited my in-laws. She didn't invite me or DH, who was the best man, or his sister, who was in the bridal party too.
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| Posted 7/24/06 12:41 PM |
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Liz
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 674 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: really angry at my FIL
OMG I know I shouldn't be on this board b/c I am not PG but I cannot get over this!!! You poor thing! I would have wanted to get right up and leave the wedding. I cannot even begin to understand how that made you feel. DH's father got married a month after we did and I wasn't included in any of the pictures either, but for her just not to want you in the pictures is crazy. I would have been so upset at DH and his parents for letting them treat you like that. As for you not kissing her hello  they should be happy that you even went over to her in the first place. Your BIL is really messed up to let her act and treat you like that. I'm surprised your DH doesn't say more to his own brother about putting his wife in his place. Many hugs to you!
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| Posted 7/24/06 12:44 PM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: really angry at my FIL
ok, she really sounds like an awful, immature idiot!! What can your BIL possibly see in her?!?!? It's obvious that you have handled it all with class and that's really all you can do I guess. I'm glad that you don't have to deal with her too much.
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| Posted 7/24/06 12:54 PM |
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bethsiar
LIF Adult
Member since 9/05 1390 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: really angry at my FIL
omg I am sorry that you even have to be in the same room as this obnoxious selfish you know what.
I think you are absolutely in the right about not giving her a kiss hello.
The wedding pics really put it over the top. I am still
Honestly I am really surprised you even gave her a civil hello and didnt just walk right by. Im impressed how well you acted- esp for a preggo!
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| Posted 7/24/06 1:14 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Nicole, I say F this beyotch. Don't sweat it. You don't want to be in her wedding pictures anyway.
She was worried your beauty would outshine her on her day 
And, if I were you I wouldn't invite her to any functions that you may have in the future.
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| Posted 7/24/06 1:32 PM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: really angry at my FIL
You did the right thing. You were civil. You attended the event. You did not start a fight or say anything nasty.
I would not kiss her either. I would not even bother with what FIL said. I am sure he was just hoping that they could all be happy and get along.
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| Posted 7/24/06 2:08 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Everyone has one of these Witches! Being civil is the best approach for everyones sake. Then you can count the minutes til you go home! Good Luck
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| Posted 7/24/06 4:40 PM |
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Kate07
Feel better my little guy!
Member since 5/05 4476 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: really angry at my FIL
Wow. I am so sorry you had to go through this. You certainly handled it a lot better than I would have.
If my FIL did that to me I'd probably chew him out at the end of the night.
I hope things get better for you. Your DH and his parents need to realize that you don't have to have a relationship with this woman - at all. Even at dinners, family events, and what not.
Saying hello was being too big of a person in my opinion.
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| Posted 7/24/06 7:53 PM |
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