Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

Hi ladies. I have no one I would confide in about this IRL...so grateful for this board!!

So we've been trying for 3 cycles (currently in the 4th), DH is now where I was last month. He wants a baby SO badly and now that another of his close friends announced he's expecting his second...he's got baby fever like I've NEVER seen.

The tough part about this is that I feel it's affecting him in the sack. In our 4 years together (dating and married), he has never had any issues getting "excited" or "completing" and in the past month both have happened 3 times.

I don't know what to do, he's SO upset and feels like "less of a man". I really feel he's just putting too much pressure on himself.

Am I all alone here?

I don't know what to do. If you've been through this or something similar, I'd appreciate any advice.

Message edited 3/7/2011 10:50:28 AM.

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

It happened to us, and it's definitely hard. What helped us the most was for me NOT to tell him when I was Oing - we would BD as per our usual "schedule" and I'd make sure that we BD on the days I was Oing.

Make it more about the sex, less about the baby, and I bet he'll be fine

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

Posted by headoverheels

It happened to us, and it's definitely hard. What helped us the most was for me NOT to tell him when I was Oing - we would BD as per our usual "schedule" and I'd make sure that we BD on the days I was Oing.

Make it more about the sex, less about the baby, and I bet he'll be fine

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

I DEFINITELY know what you are saying. This happened to us last cycle. I find that my DH looks into my symptoms more than I do, he is always sure it means I am pregnant. I hate disappointing when I am not.
This cycle I am going to try and keep more details from him but he is so nosy and asks all the time about stuff. Good luck...

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

You're not alone...the first 3 months of trying he was calm as anything, and he gradually grew to the idea of a baby. Last month, he got really upset with me when I got my period (not at me, i meant upset like I was upset and we were both crying over it).

last month, he had a hard time keeping excited during BDing, and it was frustrating. and even today, when i called and told him about my faint line, he was like "i really can't get excited over this until you see a doctor".

he's right in that sense, i can't get too excited either but i have never taken a first response and seen a small something show up like that.

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

I wrote something earlier about how hard it is to be trying.

We were expecting a few months ago and then suffered through a miscarriage together. My DH took the miscarriage very hard and he really wants to be a father and for us to have a baby.

Neither one of us has ever had any problem in the bedroom but trying again for a second time is hard work. Last time it was fun because we were just having normal sex with no expectations. This time I have to monitor my cycles so I can have bloodwork done which means I know for sure when I'm about to ovulate. That puts a lot of pressure on my husband and it takes a lot more than usual to get him aroused and to keep him aroused. Timed sex is not something we are used to and its not easy to perform on demand. For women it is a lot easier because we are just a receptacle so it doesn't matter if we are in the mood or not, we can just lay there. We don't have to do anything! The man has the pressure to finish the job.

We had a talk and I told him to stop putting so much pressure on himself. I told him he can't worry about having to get it up later because I might be ovulating. I told him he can't be worrying about finishing as soon as we start fooling around. I told him to think about the sexual acts while we are doing them and to just enjoy them. I told him to look at it as sex and not baby making. I told him to think about the feelings and not the reason why we are doing it.

For him, that talk was enough and it took a lot of the pressure off. He was thinking about it way too much and he was worrying about getting me pregnant again.

I think a lot of men have a hard time. If you think about it its a lot of pressure. Talk with him, calm his nerves, it will help take some of the pressure off of him and that should help

Message edited 3/7/2011 2:03:17 PM.

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

You are not alone....I think lately DH wanting and hoping for me to tell him that we have conceived! It's hard and I know it doesn't always happen right off the bat. This will be my 3rd cycle. He makes jokes saying he put his boys into war for nothing..but I think maybe he might be telling a little bit of truth here.

ITA about this one..Don't tell him that you are Ovulating..this may take off some of the stress and pressure on trying to conceive...and this way he won't be concentrating that hard hoping that tonight is the night.

I myself am monitoring my cycles..counting them..and taking the OPK regulary and when I am Ovulating..I'm not even going to even telll DH just gonna plan a nice romantic night!

Hope this helps!!!

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

I can't really give any advice other than what's been said.

But like everyone else has said, it's pretty common, and pretty normal. I feel bad for our DH's sometimes, because there is a lot more pressure on them than us sometimes. Our bodies are going to work at their own pace, but we need their bodies to cooperate almost on command , and sometimes it's just too much for them.

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

I can't thank you girls enough for taking this huge weight off of me, It helps so much to know I'm not alone.

Some of you pointed out how tough it can be on DH's to be ready "on command"...that is alot of pressure, especially when they want this as badly as we do.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. Lots of love and

Re: Anyone's elses' DH have a tough time?

Thank you for writing this post!!! My DH has had issues finishing the job a couple times in the last few months, and it is frustrating for all involved :(. I know it is definitely the pressure of BDing. I explained to him the other night that we weren't doing it for that, and just to have a good time.