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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: Do any of you worry about your relationship with Dh after children?
I had no idea how much I would love my child. I had no idea how much a child would change my relationship with DH. Our relationship has evolved much since being parents. It has gone through ups and downs for sure. I won't lie. The first few months are tough.
I always tell DH that I have a new man in my life. DH knows I love DS more than anything, including him. DH always tells me that he loves me and DS the same but I know he loves DS more.
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Posted 2/17/11 3:47 PM  |
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Re: Do any of you worry about your relationship with Dh after children?
Posted by Bridex100
I had no idea how much I would love my child. I had no idea how much a child would change my relationship with DH. Our relationship has evolved much since being parents. It has gone through ups and downs for sure. I won't lie. The first few months are tough.
I always tell DH that I have a new man in my life. DH knows I love DS more than anything, including him. DH always tells me that he loves me and DS the same but I know he loves DS more.
see this is a huge fear of mine also. I can't imagine loving anyone more or less than someone else, especially that of my husband. (i.e. I don't love my parents more than my husband or vice versa; the love is just very different). I don't know why I feel like this and I almost feel selfish for saying so but I don't want to love anyone "more" or "less". Its scary to lose that kind of love for another person. 
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| Posted 2/17/11 4:18 PM |
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Ever-After
Goals w/o plans r just wishes
Member since 6/09 2585 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Do any of you worry about your relationship with Dh after children?
Posted by KevinNKristin8-15-08
see this is a huge fear of mine also. I can't imagine loving anyone more or less than someone else, especially that of my husband. (i.e. I don't love my parents more than my husband or vice versa; the love is just very different). I don't know why I feel like this and I almost feel selfish for saying so but I don't want to love anyone "more" or "less". Its scary to lose that kind of love for another person.
I agree with this, Kristin. Don't be afraid of you or Kevin ever loving your child more than you love each other. It's just a different KIND of love. Like what you said about your parents - I'm the same way. I love my parents, my sisters, and my husband, but with a love that is DIFFERENT for each. Not one of them is more 'important' than the other. I think when you have your baby girl, yes that love will be intense, but it won't take the place of your husband. As I've said to you before - I think your heart will just expand. You're not dividing love, you just have so much extra love in you to share. And neither will take the place of the other. 
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| Posted 2/17/11 4:29 PM |
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Puppy-Love
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 1394 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Do any of you worry about your relationship with Dh after children?
Posted by Tilde
Posted by NotSoSureYet
I am not a BTDT mom but I'd say it is probably important to make alone time for you and your DH (when you can). i.e. hire a sitter so you can go to dinner and have a romantic evening, get away for a long weekend or take a vacation. I know so many people who refuse to leave their babies/kids for 1 night and I am so confused by this? Again maybe I dont know bc I havent been there but I think it is important to do things for you and DH and to keep your relationship romantic and strong. After all the kids are grown up, you will be alone again with only DH and have to have that strong bond going still!
I will admit, I am one of these people. I have to leave DD for 50 hours a week since i work full time and I have a HARD TIME leaving her. I am getting better though as she gets older.
What we do is go out right before her bedtime. My mom gets to feed her and put her to sleep and I dont feel like I am missing out on too much time with her. I am hoping to improve on this though and possibly even go away on vacation with just DH, even though right now the thought makes me tear up - I know it is important for US!
Aww I totally hear you on this. I know some people in the same boat who wanted to spend every moment on the weekend with DD or DS bc they were busy working and/or commuting all week.
Your idea is good though to go out right around bed time!
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| Posted 2/17/11 4:38 PM |
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charon54
My two boys!
Member since 5/05 7279 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Do any of you worry about your relationship with Dh after children?
Your relationship will change. Those first 3 months will be hard. You will fight, you will yell, you'll "hate" each other. You'll resent this child that is coming between you. You'll miss the old "you", the old couple you were.
And then, you'll start to settle into a routine. Your child will begin to interact. It only gets better from there. You'll still fight, but you'll learn to let go. Because life is short, and all the small stuff doesn't matter anymore.
Your children can never replace your husband. You will love both in ways you never imagined. Your heart will melt at the sight of your DH with your DC.
Yes, I know this sounds very sappy. But it's also very true.
ETA: I can count on one hand the amount of times that we have gone out as a couple. As FTW parents, the time we spend with our DS is more important to us. We bring him everywhere though. On vacation (we are going to Hawaii in 2 weeks), out to dinner at least once a week. We didn't change our lifestyle for our child. We found ways to integrate him into it. It means dinner out at 5:30pm-6pm instead of 7pm-8pm. It means a slower vacation, instead of running around the whole time. You adapt.
Message edited 2/17/2011 4:46:19 PM.
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| Posted 2/17/11 4:44 PM |
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jax1
Love my baby girl!!!
Member since 3/09 3405 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Do any of you worry about your relationship with Dh after children?
I worry about this too. I think it's a normal feel. I love my alone time with my husband, and I know things will change after we have our baby, but I think we just need to make sure we always work on and pay attention to our marriage too. You still need to find alone time together, and we will be a starting a family and having amazing new memories and adventures.
But don't worry you're not alone. It's scary. I know it will all be worth it, but I am scared too!
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| Posted 2/17/11 5:38 PM |
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MrsKS
Thank You St. Gerard.....
Member since 12/09 8306 total posts
Name:
Kerri
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Re: Do any of you worry about your relationship with Dh after children?
this isn't something I worry about. but more look forward to.
i know that there will be struggles and all that... but it's also something that will bring us closer together.
also the road to getting pregnant hasn't been easy for us... so our perspective on it at this point is very different from when we first embarked on this path.
i'm just overall excited.
but i totally understand being nervous about the huge changes that are about to come and stay for the rest of everyone's lives!
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| Posted 2/17/11 6:14 PM |
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Re: Do any of you worry about your relationship with Dh after children?
Posted by MrsKS
this isn't something I worry about. but more look forward to.
i know that there will be struggles and all that... but it's also something that will bring us closer together.
also the road to getting pregnant hasn't been easy for us... so our perspective on it at this point is very different from when we first embarked on this path.
i'm just overall excited.
but i totally understand being nervous about the huge changes that are about to come and stay for the rest of everyone's lives!
I definitely agree and can't say I'm all nervous! I am looking forward to it as well. I think seeing my dh with my dd will make my heart melt! But I know what you mean! It's very exciting!!
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| Posted 2/17/11 6:22 PM |
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Exarina
My Two Girls
Member since 12/09 1249 total posts
Name:
Lisa Marie
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Re: Do any of you worry about your relationship with Dh after children?
yea i worry b/c DH comes home at 8PM on most days from work...and by the time he eats and im HOME ALL DAY what kind of relationship will we have...only time will tell...we will probably live for weekends...
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| Posted 2/17/11 7:35 PM |
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