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My Vent and its a Long One....
I apologize in advance for such a negative post.....but right now I need somewhere to vent; and here is where I know I can.
A gloomy day for me; woke up w/ AF at 4am. And I just feel like I am done with this Infertility. I am just DONE!! I try everything under the sun.
I just started using my CB Digital monitor again so I know Im  at the right times. I feel myself OV so I know somewhere in there......the egg and sperm are there. Do they just pass each other and wave? Are they trying to become one? What is happening to prevent me getting pregnant?? After BD I lay down for almost an hour.
I take Fish Oils, Prenatals, B Complex, Bromeleain pills (for implantation). I eat healthy; the list just goes on. Yet, on that 28th day; it never fails me, AF shows yet again.
Im so frustrated that I honestly dont know what to do anymore. Ive been to Dr. B among others for that matter. Noone can really help. IVF isnt covered so that is out of the question. I have Unexplained; but the thing that frustrates me more than anything is there is an explanation; its just that noone can get to it.
Im not looking for much advice or anyone to really reply here. Its just my vent and I need to get it out there. Telling this to anyone; noone really knows what to say; most especially if they havent been thru it; there's not much to say but being uncomfortable about it.
Im nervous. Im scared. I want DH to be a dad more than anything in this world and it upsets me to no end; that I cant have this happen. My journey is well into 3 1/2 years. I did get PG on my own in Aug but of course my only chance; ended in M/C.
Im just so heartbroken. Sorry for this long rant. I am done.
On a much happier, positive note, Congratulations to all the BFP'S this week. I pray so hard to be there some day as well----SOON!!
    
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Posted 2/12/11 1:57 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
SecretTTCer
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 2284 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
Have you had a genetic test to rule out a genetic abnormality (i.e., translocation)?
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| Posted 2/12/11 2:16 PM |
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PurpleC
Miracles Do Come True
Member since 8/10 2287 total posts
Name:
Caren
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
I totally know how you feel and Im sorry. I went off the pill 7yrs ago when I got married. There is nothing wrong with me at all. I have had IUI's I have had IVF's, I make great embryos yet I always get AF. I have never been pregnant at all.
Please vent as much as you want and know that you are not alone. My insurance does not cover IVF and we are paying out of pocket for it. It is so hard because the extra stress of money is on my mind constantly.
Don't give up and please stay positive. If you need anything at all send me a message. I totally know how you feel.
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| Posted 2/12/11 2:19 PM |
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curiousO
he is here.. thank you God
Member since 10/07 2344 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
i am sorry you feel this way today 
tomorrow will be better
have you done IUIs? A lot of girls on this forum tried for a long time, it took more than 10 IUIs to succeed.
Much of luck to you! Please keep hope alive
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| Posted 2/12/11 2:30 PM |
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
Posted by SecretTTCer
Have you had a genetic test to rule out a genetic abnormality (i.e., translocation)?
Dr. B did all that testing on me. Sometimes I feel like having him look over my file one more time just in case. But in reality, what for? Hes so busy with so many patients; old and new; it keeps me from asking him. I kinda wish he had more help instead of being the only guy that does everything. Its kinda discouraging.
Thanks everyone for the hugs. I appreciate it!!
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| Posted 2/12/11 2:40 PM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. . No one should have to deal with this kind of heartache every month.
I think it's worth it for you to schedule another consult with Dr. B and have him review all your findings again, to see if he can think of anything else. Also, some of the other ladies on here might have some ideas of other doctors you can see. I know many of them say that Cornell is wonderful. A fresh pair of eyes is always a good idea.
I wish you lots of luck with whatever you decide.
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| Posted 2/12/11 3:57 PM |
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MrsG72907
Mommy of 2 girls!
Member since 5/10 2046 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
It can be avery long and sad road to go down. One that many people dont quite understand fully. Vent all you would like, this is the place for it and nobody minds. This is the one place I feel people really do understand me and can totally empathize.
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| Posted 2/12/11 4:32 PM |
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SecretTTCer
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 2284 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
Posted by HopelesslyDiscouraged
Posted by SecretTTCer
Have you had a genetic test to rule out a genetic abnormality (i.e., translocation)?
Dr. B did all that testing on me. Sometimes I feel like having him look over my file one more time just in case. But in reality, what for? Hes so busy with so many patients; old and new; it keeps me from asking him. I kinda wish he had more help instead of being the only guy that does everything. Its kinda discouraging.
Thanks everyone for the hugs. I appreciate it!!
I don't think Dr. B can do genetic testing on you. I think you have to go to a geneticist to have the tests done. I am not just talking about testing for CF.
Message edited 2/12/2011 5:29:47 PM.
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| Posted 2/12/11 5:29 PM |
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curiousO
he is here.. thank you God
Member since 10/07 2344 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
Posted by HopelesslyDiscouraged
Posted by SecretTTCer
Have you had a genetic test to rule out a genetic abnormality (i.e., translocation)?
Dr. B did all that testing on me. Sometimes I feel like having him look over my file one more time just in case. But in reality, what for? Hes so busy with so many patients; old and new; it keeps me from asking him. I kinda wish he had more help instead of being the only guy that does everything. Its kinda discouraging.
Thanks everyone for the hugs. I appreciate it!!
i totally understand your hesitation about bugging dr .B. BUT, you have to fight for yourself in this world and i feel that if there is a chance that him looking at your results can help somehow, you have to try to overcome your concerns. I do not know him well, but a lot of girls here say that he is a dr with a heart and goes a long way for his patients. I say it is definetely worth a try.
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| Posted 2/12/11 5:37 PM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
Posted by SecretTTCer
Posted by HopelesslyDiscouraged
Posted by SecretTTCer
Have you had a genetic test to rule out a genetic abnormality (i.e., translocation)?
Dr. B did all that testing on me. Sometimes I feel like having him look over my file one more time just in case. But in reality, what for? Hes so busy with so many patients; old and new; it keeps me from asking him. I kinda wish he had more help instead of being the only guy that does everything. Its kinda discouraging.
Thanks everyone for the hugs. I appreciate it!!
I don't think Dr. B can do genetic testing on you. I think you have to go to a geneticist to have the tests done. I am not just talking about testing for CF.
This is not the case. Dr. B ordered karyotyping for me and DH. Mine indicated a chromosomal translocation.
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| Posted 2/12/11 5:59 PM |
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classc1
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/10 805 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
First of all..I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I just wanted to say..don't give up. I would also consider either allowing Dr. B to take another look or going to another RE that specializes in immune issues such as SIRM and see Dr. T. I belong to a buddy group where a lady had 3 failed cycles at Cornell and was on her 3rd cycle at SIRM and just got her first ever positive pregnancy test. She has a boatload of immune issues and was feeling much like you and just yesterday...she saw her baby's heartbeat. Sometimes it takes trial and error to find the right protocol. I've also heard that Dr. Batzofin treats these issues but I don't know anything about him. While Cornell is a great clinic, they do not treat or deal with immune issues adequately. Many of their doctors think that you are talking hocus pocus when you bring up immune issues. Two suggestions:
1) If you do not already belong, join the immunology group on Yahoo..a LOT of smart ladies on this group when it comes to these issues and they can also provide RE referrals for doctors that know and treat these issues
2) If you have not done so already, as many have suggested elsewhere (I finally purchased the book this week) pick up a copy of Alan Beer's book "Is your Body Baby Friendly." It explains just about everything you can think of about immune issues and testing. Maybe by reading it something will "click" and cause you to investigate an previously unexplored issue.
Edited to add that Sami Davis's book "Making Babies" which is geared towards Western and Eastern treatment for infertility is very good and provides a cursory look at some issues that you may have overlooked.
I wish you much luck!!
Message edited 2/12/2011 7:27:51 PM.
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| Posted 2/12/11 7:19 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
Posted by HopelesslyDiscouraged
Posted by SecretTTCer
Have you had a genetic test to rule out a genetic abnormality (i.e., translocation)?
Dr. B did all that testing on me. Sometimes I feel like having him look over my file one more time just in case. But in reality, what for? Hes so busy with so many patients; old and new; it keeps me from asking him. I kinda wish he had more help instead of being the only guy that does everything. Its kinda discouraging.
Thanks everyone for the hugs. I appreciate it!!
First off... for your pain.. it's something i think a lot of us are familiar with and its one of the hardest things to have to deal with in this journey.
Secondly.. what you wrote above concerns me. No matter what dr you go to, you should not feel like you're 'bugging them' to have them review your case again. If you feel that way, then maybe its time to go to another dr to get 2nd (or 3rd, 4th etc) opinion. What does Dr B suggest you do for your next protocol? Are you being monitored each month, or doing this on your own?
Sometimes, as frustrating as it may be.. there is NOTHING wrong with us, and it's just a matter of time before it happens. It's good to know that you were able to get pregnant at least, even though it didn't stick.
Have you tried iui's? If there's nothing wrong with your DH's sperm then this may be a good option for you if you're not covered for IVF.
Have you considered looking into IVF studies or grants? I know there is a study going on now at RSofNY, and various other clinics often run them.
Have you and DH considered saving up and paying OOP for a cycle of IVF as a next step?
Just want to you know that there is definitely hope out there (think about it this way.. if there is nothing wrong with you.. you know you WILL get pregnant). It took me 2 years of the exact same things as you described above, but we got there eventually.
You will too!!!
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| Posted 2/14/11 1:26 PM |
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BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys
Member since 2/07 3885 total posts
Name:
proud mommy
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
have you looked into IVF case studies where you can cycle for free? i know my dr is doing one right now (unfortunately i don't meet the criteria but maybe you do). there are also a few places that award grants. FM me if you are interested. i'm so sorry
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| Posted 2/14/11 1:39 PM |
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
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| Posted 2/14/11 2:20 PM |
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
Posted by Otherme
First off... for your pain.. it's something i think a lot of us are familiar with and its one of the hardest things to have to deal with in this journey.
Secondly.. what you wrote above concerns me. No matter what dr you go to, you should not feel like you're 'bugging them' to have them review your case again. If you feel that way, then maybe its time to go to another dr to get 2nd (or 3rd, 4th etc) opinion. What does Dr B suggest you do for your next protocol? Are you being monitored each month, or doing this on your own?
Sometimes, as frustrating as it may be.. there is NOTHING wrong with us, and it's just a matter of time before it happens. It's good to know that you were able to get pregnant at least, even though it didn't stick.
Have you tried iui's? If there's nothing wrong with your DH's sperm then this may be a good option for you if you're not covered for IVF.
Have you considered looking into IVF studies or grants? I know there is a study going on now at RSofNY, and various other clinics often run them.
Have you and DH considered saving up and paying OOP for a cycle of IVF as a next step?
Just want to you know that there is definitely hope out there (think about it this way.. if there is nothing wrong with you.. you know you WILL get pregnant). It took me 2 years of the exact same things as you described above, but we got there eventually.
You will too!!!
Thank you! Yes, I have had 3 IUI's 2 years ago, and never tried again. Then I did a few natural cycles on Fermara. I respond very well to everything; just dont get PG. I've been trying to do natural for about a year now; just wanted to "cleanse" my body of all that crap. KWIM?? I may restart again........its just that my insurance switched; so instead of $35; its now $50 a copay. So rediculous. After my M/C in September; I did see Dr. B. He knows I wanted to try on my own a bit longer. I know hes there whenever Im ready to get more aggressive again. We shall see.
I appreciate your concern and I know getting PG on my own was a good sign. I just pray I get a 2nd chance again. Guess thats what scares me. I'll get there.........I feel I will. Its just the day that AF comes; you kinda hit rockbottom sorta speak. Good news is; AF is almost done; and before I know it, its back to again! 
Thanks again ladies for all of your concern. Venting on here sure does help out A LOT!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 2/14/11 3:28 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
My insurance didn't cover IVF either. I depleted an IRA I had and it was the BEST decision I could have made. Have you applied for the grant from NY State? By the time I applied all the money was gone-I did my IVf in March of 2008
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| Posted 2/15/11 4:18 PM |
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Wishing4ababy
My life is complete!
Member since 1/07 2494 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
I'm sorry that you're going through this, but if I was in your situation I would contact Dr. B again. You are one of his patients too, just like the others, so you should not feel bad to ask questions and want a solution. Maybe he can come up with another protocol for you, but if you don't bring it up, he will never know how you're feeling.
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| Posted 2/16/11 7:42 AM |
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maybemommy10
Big Brothers to Be !
Member since 2/10 3868 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Vent and its a Long One....
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| Posted 2/16/11 8:59 AM |
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