Need some advice...

I have posted on here before about this but I really could use some advice and figured you ladies might be able to help.

For as long as I can remember I have had issues with body image, food, dieting etc. (who hasn't right?) I went through a period where I had exercise bulimia, anorexia..you name it. I got through it thankfully and gained weight back so that I was healthy again. I have never been heavy or overweight but there have been times that I was just uncomfortable in my own skin. For my wedding I worked with a nutritionist and lost ewight so that I was comfortable and very happy on our day. I was a little too thin so I decided to work with the same Dr. to gain some muscle/weight to then lose some of it to achieve the nice lean look I wanted.

The 6 months of gaining were awful. I managed to get through because I knew there was a big picture plan. I started the "cutting" phase at the beginning of september and lost a few pounds to feel much more comfortable. The nutritionist wants me to take a break on losing for a while to let my metabolism speed up before I lose a little more. I know it makes sense but I am so afraid of gaining again and my clothes not fitting.

The bigger issue I am having is that I just want to be normal and not worry about any of this. I want to eat what I feel like eating and not weigh and measure my food anymore. I eat really healthy and I LOVE eating healthy and I would not go crazy eating bad foods but I am just so concerned with weight and all. Anybody been here? How do you get through it? I don't know what to do anymore. I am so at a loss. I feel like I don't have the anorexia/bulimia again obviously but I just feel like something isn't right. Any advice would be so appreciated. Thanks for reading this.

Message edited 11/12/2010 8:16:26 PM.

Re: Need some advice...

You have FM.

Re: Need some advice...

I could have written that entire post because I've been there. In a way, I'm still there. I used to weigh myself on average 6 times a day. Right now, I'm a little better only weighing myself everyday/every other day.

I worked with a trainer and lost some weight right before my wedding. Actually, according to WW I weighed too little for my height at 116. After the wedding I quickly put on 10lbs in 2 months. I had a few people tell me how good I looked after gaining the weight and every time I heard that I wanted to cry because I wanted to be 116 lbs again!

I managed to lose about 6 of the 10 I gained. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that anything under 120lbs is way too little for my height. However, its REALLY hard to do this alone.

I saw a therapist for years. My last one (who I can no longer see b/c she doesn't take DH's insurance) just made me feel bad about my weight. I'm in the process of looking for someone new. I honestly think if you can find someone to talk to about your body issues it may help.

I think overall the hardest thing is alot of people don;t understand body issues and how much they can affect your life. They just see a thin girl who is too obsessed with her weight. But in reality, it's the most time consuming disorder and it hurts so much. It's not fun to weigh yourself multiple times a day and obsess over the weight. It's not fun to obsess over a cookie or a workout. I wish I didn't care as much as I do, but I can't help it. It's almost like a sick obsession and it hurts so much sometimes.

I wish I could give you the best advice and make it all go away. But all I can really offer is support and a hug and a "I've been there."

Re: Need some advice...

Thank you so much for your response. You totally nailed the way that I am feeling. Just knowing that others have gone through this and that I am not crazy made me feel much better. I so relate to what you said about hearing people tell you looked good having gained weight...When people tell me "Oh you were too thin at your wedding.." It makes me want to cry because to me that means I am "fat" now.

I know I am not fat and I know people will get annoyed at me for even complaining but its just the way I feel.

Re: Need some advice...

Re: Need some advice...

I know exactly where you are coming from and I have struggled with this for years as well. I was just saying the other day that I wish I knew what it was like to not obsess or feel guilty if I missed a workout or ate a little too much. A couple of years ago, I was a lot worse with weighing myself and being careful of eating as little calories as possible but I have since thrown out my scale and I have given myself some leniency with food. I just make sure I keep up with my workouts at least 5 days a week and really try to eat as healthy as possible but if I want a cookie, I have one. I try to think about when I have children, I want to be an example for them and the way I was eating and obsessing, I would never want my kids to think was right. You work really hard for your body and every once in a while, it's okay to just relax. I try to remind myself of these things because it's an everday struggle.

I agree with Colleen, it might be good to talk to someone because that seems to have helped me the most. At first, it was very hard because I was younger and my father pretty much forced me to but I really think it helped.

As far as other people's opinions, it's really hard. We all have tainted images of ourselves so regardless of how skinny people think we are, we won't believe them. It's a mental thing, and the image that we see, is not that they see. My best friend ever will still watch out with me if she thinks I am not eating enough because she has seen me at my worst but she also compliments how far I have come with this which is always nice to hear. I am here for you if you ever need to talk and know that you are not alone but that I promise you can overcome this.

Re: Need some advice...