Does your family know

If you are dealing with infertility and are seeing a RE, does your Family and you IL's know?

Mine do not because I really want to suprise them.

We have been trying for 8 months and I have been acting like I am not ready for kids, in hopes that I "shock" everyone with my suprise, when it does eventually happen.

At the same point, it is hard to not talk about such things, like all the bloodwork and tests I have been through etc.. and the potential procedures and drugs etc. but I am hoping to still keep it a secret for now...

What about you?

Message edited 10/11/2010 10:27:02 AM.

Re: Does your family know

we didnt tell for the first year. now its been over a year and a half. we told at the one-year mark after i miscarried. from having done both i have to say its much better having the support than it is trying to keep a secret for the sake of surprise.

Re: Does your family know

For the first year, (testing and iuis) i didnt tell anyone.

The second year, when we started IVF, i started to tell family and friends, and i wish i hadn't

Many times people say the WRONG thing, simply because it is impossible for anyone who has not been through it to really "get it".

Re: Does your family know

My side of the family knows. We're way too close for me to keep anything from them. I also have a cousin going through the same thing, so it's nice having the entire family supporting us. I think they'll be equally excited even though it won't come as a true shock.

My ILs, however, do not know. My BIL and SIL have been struggling for 3 years due to male IF issues, although I don't know if they've gone the route of IUI or IVF. My MIL repeatedly told them how she struggled so much...for an entire 5, yes FIVE, MONTHS. She was going in for an IUI and found out that morning she was PG. She continually tells them to just relax. So we refuse to let them know.

Re: Does your family know

My side of the family knows and a few close friends...it helps to be able to vent and talk about it and have the support, if not I think I would have exploded a long time ago from not being able to vent about it

Re: Does your family know

As for now the only person who knew was my mother. Now that we are moving onto IVF i have a feeling we will have to tell the inlaws and maybe brothers and sisters due to the fact of meds , appts etc. I havent told any friends yet and i dont know if honestly want to at this point. We have big families and i feel once u tell that one person everyone will soon find out.

Re: Does your family know

Right now my mom, IL's and some close friends know. The rest of the family know that we are either thinking about trying or just started trying.

I agree it is hard to Not talk about it. It kind of reminds me of the wedding planning process, all you talk about is the wedding. Now all we talk about is appt, procedures, medicine, etc.

Re: Does your family know

Nobody knew the first year we were trying.

Once we moved to IVF, we decided to tell. I felt we needed extra support.

When my first IVF resulted in a miscarriage, I was sorry we were so open. We didn't tell anyone when I did my next cycle.

When we decided to do a FET for DC#2, the only person we told was my MIL because we needed someone to help out with DD when I went in for my transfer and the following days after since I wasn't allowed to lift her.

Re: Does your family know

I struggled with telling and not telling people. My mom understood since my aunt had gone through IVF. My family is so much smaller then my husbands side. It did get to the point where we would get soo excited about how many embryos took and when things looked good that we told everyone. The hard part is when it doesn't work and you have so many people to tell. I finally realized that we need the support and that the only way to get the word out there that his is happening to so many woman was to announce it on Facebook. I have learned that unless you are going through IF no one really gets it. When announcing it on Facebook no one really cared and that hurt. I then took a step back and am trying to not let it get to me. My sister-in-law never calls or makes the effort, my mother-in-law doesn't understand how much it costs us, some people just don't get it, which is why I come here. It is a personal preference. I told my husband this time around that we should not say anything after the retrieval but we will see what happens.
Good Luck

Re: Does your family know

My family and IL's and a few close friends know.. but i don't keep them updated on what's going on each cycle. The disappointment is bad enough with just DH and I, let alone having to explain it to others each month. We just talk about the overall treatment, appointments, meds etc with everyone else.

having the support of others really and truly helps. I'm long past the point where i'd want to surprise anyone..i feel like the support through this process is much more valuable in the long run

Re: Does your family know

My mom and sister know everything we are dealing with, and I know my mom tells my dad. They have all had to go for bloodwork to see if they have the same chromosomal translocation that I do. They are very supportive and listen without trying to influence our decision about how to proceed.

DH's family knew about my 1st m/c, over a year ago, but do not know about my chemical this past summer, and do not know we're seeing a RE. DH keeps saying that he's going to tell them, but he hasn't. We were there for Rosh Hashanah, right after I got my diagnosis of the translocation, and it was really difficult not to say anything.

I have a couple of close girlfriends who are also having fertility issues, and I talk to them fairly regularly. A couple of other friends know as well, because sometimes it's just easier to talk than to feel like I'm hiding something all of the time. I have a couple of male friends who have asked about us having kids, and I just came out and told them, b/c I was tired of being asked, and have nothing to hide.

I was always one of those people who wanted everyone to be surprised when I got PG, but now I don't care anymore.

Message edited 10/11/2010 5:18:24 PM.

Re: Does your family know

They had no idea we were even trying with DD#1

With this one, we didnt tell anyone again and I had a lot of complications from the seocnd IVF cycle so my mom, I think, knew we were trying, but also knew I didnt like to talk about it.

Re: Does your family know

I tried to keep it all a secret for a while, but I am a really terrible liar. My family is very close and everyone knows eachothers business all the time.
Doesn't bother me, I have a lot of support.

Re: Does your family know

I was very open with my family about it. My mom knew everything down to the days of my IUIs and number of follies! Ever since our loss, they definitely know we are anxious to try again.

Even though my mom knew what was going on when I was trying the first time around, she was still THRILLED and shocked when I announced to her that I was pregnant. I told her in a mother's day card.

Re: Does your family know

Our families know and few close friends but honestly I wish we had never said anything. Besides my mom no one ever asks how things are going and it hurts, I'd rather it be that they weren't asking bc they didn't know than feel like they just don't care.

I dunno, I'd probably complain if everyone was constantly asking me too, I think it's just the nature of the beast when it comes to IF.

Re: Does your family know

Re: Does your family know

Only a few people know but not our parents. I suspect that they are thinking ther is an underlying issue since I am the oldest and the only one with out kids. Obviously I cant wait for the day I can tell them good news

Re: Does your family know

My family knew... my inlaws still don't.

Honestly, it's still a surprise when you get pregnant.

Re: Does your family know

We have decided not to tell right now. I dont really know why we havent but I think once we go to Doc. B and go from there to have an idea what is going on, then we will

Re: Does your family know

my mom knew from the very first day- i needed someone to talk to- and although she didnt understand what im going through, she was always there for me

Re: Does your family know

I confided in my mother,my sisters, a good friend and and co-worker. Other then that I am very secretive when it comes to ttc. I don't want the pressure,expectaions,thoughts all on me ( I do not like to be the center of attention). I needed to tell a few people other then my husband because I need some support and just to talk about things at times. I also don't mind the extra sets of prayers!

Re: Does your family know

We didn't tell at first but it just became too much. My mom and best friend know the details. A few close family members and friends know we have been trying for awhile and are doing some testing. We are past that but they don't know it! It felt so much better when I could talk about it with a few people.