Losing My Mind

Is this really happening and why? I thought I was following through with my life like a txtbook. School, more school, career, marriage, and baby? Wait where the heck is BABY? If i take one more sono I may just scream. I had my 3rd cycle of IUI on Sunday, had to return on Monday b.c the sperm count was super low. Guess what? On Monday it was even lower. I wish i could even say millions .
Immediately the RE saw my face and my DH's expression and recommended we try more aggressive treatment. My body is exhausted. While taking the Clomid, I always produce at least 6 follies and they are very decent. I get all the side effect symptoms and its not good. Bc of DH sperm count it just doesn't seem feasible. "It just takes one? " Well it's not even 1 in a million. I think my DH's is struggling to deal with these #s bc he's been seeing his urol. for over a year and the #s aren't getting better. He says he's willing to move forward and try IVF and that I should not worry about the cost. I feel like an experiment right now. I refused to schedule a follow up appt after the iui bc I said I didn't get pg b4 when the counts were higher, it's not happening now. I can be supportive for others but then I get so hard on my self regarding our situation. I want to curl up in a ball. Can anyone relate? ( I apologize for the extensiveness of this, and thank you for any advice.)

Re: Losing My Mind

Totally..I get it. It's in my thoughts all of the time. I beat myself up constantly.



This should be easy but it's not. I always have to look at it as it's not a sprint but a marathon.

If your DH has a low sperm count and he hasn't been able to respond to treatment, IVF may be just what you need with ICSI. They take one sperm, and inject it into the egg. Using this procedure has a high success rate for fertilization. It could be just what you need.

It does not mean you and your DH are failures. Some things are just harder to come by and need more time and medical intervention.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Life is not perfect. This struggle is one of the hardest I've ever endured.

Message edited 8/5/2010 5:08:37 PM.

Re: Losing My Mind

I agree sometimes it just takes a different approach.

Hang in there

Re: Losing My Mind

Hang in there...

You still have so many options...

Re: Losing My Mind

I have been there. I gave up on IUI after the first shot because my husband's numbers were only around 6-10 million. We did conceive our son naturally so it can happen, but i just didn't like the odds. We did IVF and I got pregnant the first shot. I would try IVF. It will increase your odds a lot. IUI has very low success rates when you have low sperm numbers. Good luck!

Re: Losing My Mind

I agree with Lulu! We are dealing with low numbers and we did 4 IUIs, all failed. That's not to say that it can't happen though, but it was so frustrating.

Good luck with whatever you decide!!

Re: Losing My Mind

Thank you for the responses ladies. You've helped to lift my spirits.

Re: Losing My Mind

I understand your frustration and anger, I have had 4 failed IUI's. After each one I got increasingly pessimistic. I had to take a month off, go on vacation and clear my mind. (and work on me and DH relationship) It really helped put things in perspective and give me a clean slate. Then I began IVF. This is not an option for everyone, but it worked for us. Either way, this roller coaster is HARD and you need to be kind to yourself, treat yourself just as well as you would if a dear friend was going thru this.

I am in the middle of an IVF cycle now, and although it is no picnic, it is more manageable than I ever thought.

Best of luck to you !!

Re: Losing My Mind

I can totally relate. I've been where you are. My DH had some HORRIBLE numbers...I mean REALLY BAD. And as hard as it is for us - its just as bad for them b/c of the guilt they feel.
Please consider IVF. That was our answer

Message edited 8/6/2010 11:14:47 AM.

Re: Losing My Mind

Just wanted to say first - sorry you are going through this

What protocol is the urologist having your DH do? My DH had ZERO sperm and after 3 months is now in normal ranges. He was on clomid and has switched over to getting hcg injections. He recently added Armidex and i also have DH on an excellent supplement combo to help out his sperm.

Maybe your DH can talk to his dr about changing his protocol or maybe see another dr to get better results.

Good luck