Emotions after failed IVF

I was fine for a few days, trying to stay positive.

The last couple of days have been hard though. I'm having overwhelming feelings of guilt. Guilt for making these embryos and not being able to carry them.

I also cannot get past feeling like I suffered a loss. I know it isn't really like a m/c but they were in there, they were alive and now they aren't. I know I shouldn't have let myself get so attached but I did and now all I want to do is cry.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. I think just to get this all out. I want to talk to DH about it but he seems to be doing better everyday and I don't want to upset him.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

My biggest fear and what held me back from IVF for so long was the thought of failure. I honestly didn't think I would be able to handle it. I thought I would just crawl in a hole and die if it didn't work. Some days were that dark...some days I layed in bed and cried. I felt like a failure, I felt like less of a woman for making such crappy embryos. I let one peter out in the pertridish b/c I didn't want to tarnsfer it and be responsible when it didn't make it inside of me. I made DH destroy the pic of the embryos we had from the first attempt...looking at it made me physically ill.
I guess what I am trying to say is whatever you are feeling is normal, because there really is no normal. You ARE mourning a loss, you NEED to cry/scream/yell, you HAVE to upset DH if that's what it comes down to. He doesn't need to be a rock. Honestly, the more emotional DH gets, the BETTER I feel, less alone.

It sucks, it does get a little easier with time, but it never goes away. Hang in there. Better days DO lie ahead!

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

i have no words of wisdom, except for this shall pass and you will feel better

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

It's so hard, I know. Believe me, you will get through it and you will feel like "yes I am ready to start again". IT just takes time.
Hangin there!

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

I'm in the same boat. It's a terrible, sinking feeling. I'm currently in the middle of my 2nd IVF cycle (1 Failed fresh transfer, 2 failed FET's).

My retrieval is this week and this looming fear hangs in the air. No words of encouragement or anybody's else's success makes it go away either. We just have to keep on keepin' on! SomeHOW!!

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

Hang in there.

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

Hagn in there! It does get easier but it just takes some time. I went through all of the same emotions and only now, 3 weeks later amI starting to look up from it. It's probably one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. We'll get there!!

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I have no experience with this, but I can imagine that even though it was so early, it does a bit like a m/c since you know it was an actual embryo. A friend of mine went through 3 failed cycles (1 IVF and 2 FETs) before her BFP and I know that it was extremely difficult for her. But now she is weeks away from having her baby and she is so happy that she went through the whole process.

I hope that the next cycle works out for you!!!

Message edited 7/14/2010 10:00:30 AM.

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

Hey - my dh has extreme morph issues like less then 1%.
Try not to get too upset bc its hard on him too. Remember when you thought infertility was all bc of you & how lucky you felt that he was supportive for you.
hug:

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

eeek - wrong post sorry
but i wanted to reply to this one as well.
Im going through my first ivf now & i am petrified of how i will handle it if it doesnt work.
I was thinking when i saw your posts last week that i was amazed how strong you were being.
lots of hugs. I hope everything works out for all of us in the end

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

Let it all out, take the time you need to recharge physically, emotionally, and spiritually and start all over again! Its hard and it NEVER gets easier as time goes on (which I hope you will not have to experience). It only pushes you that much more though and you appreciate EVERYTHING so much more when you do finally get pregnant!!! Hang in there!!!

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

I haven't gone through IVF, but I would imagine I'd have the same feelings you're having. I truly believe God only gives us what we can handle and that our experiences make us stronger and better people. Hang in there!

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

i hope for it will get easier as time passes .

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

I'm so sorry

I actually felt the same way after.

I think that I felt that IVF was the "last" thing we had to do and that if we EVER had to do it, it would work. From the second I had my transfer, I KNEW I was pregnant. I felt every symptom in the book. I "felt" those little embryos inside me. I was SURE that it worked.

But it didn't.

And I felt the same way that you are feeling. It almost felt like a "loss" because I thought I was so sure that it had worked. It's really hard! I also felt like "well now nothing will work" because I always thought IVF was the "big guns" in terms of fertility treatments. KWIM?

It will take some time, but hang in there. We jumped right into an FET after that. I'm not sure if you have embryos left, but it helped us to look forward instead of backward - KWIM? That FET did not work either, but the next one did.

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

I wish none of us had to go through this. Many hugs and prayers.

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

i am so sorry

i think you and DH should try to figure out what your next step is. i did not do IVF, but i did suffer a loss, and i found that having a light at the end of the tunnel that you are working towards helps the healing process. i always felt that at least if you got AF instead of a BFP, it was also the start of a new cycle, so despite being upset about a failed cycle, it was also a new beginning.


hang in there. take time to heal. and then move full speed ahead. you will have a baby, it just make take longer to get there!!

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

Thank you all so much for your kind words and wisdom. I spoke with Dh about my feelings and it turns out he isn't as ok as I though but was trying to be strong for me. It was good to know we're both still feeling sad/mad/upset about the whole thing. Today has been a much better day, I'm sure the next few weeks or months will be full off good days and bad days. I think the hardest thing for us is that we cannot afford to do IVF again for a LONG time and we had to frozen embryos to even try and save for an FET. I guess we just put all our eggs in one basket in a sense and it didn't work out.

We do have a plan though, DH is taking supplements to help with his morphology issues and I am on metformin for my PCOS so hopefully I'll start to O on my own. Who knows maybe we'll be able to get our BFP on our own!

Thanks again!

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

Re: Emotions after failed IVF

I 110% know how you feel. My IVF #1 was a bust and I was devastated. Please try to stay positive. I did - and IVF#2 = my DS!


eta: I have PCOS too and my DH had severe motility / morphology issues so feel free to FM me anytime

Message edited 7/15/2010 2:30:50 PM.