how would you feel? longgggg

i really need you ladies more than ever. i am reallllllllllly starting to think it may never happen.

history me 35 next week dh 38

no kids

first ivf ...chem preg.

so i see dr b today about my next ivf cycle and even though i knew before that my odds werent good,,, talking again and with new insight really has me sad.

he did a test called oar..... ovarian assesment report.
basically 1 is the worst your reserve/quality of eggs can be... 20 is the best.

my number is 1.

there was another test anti mulerian something which was literally as bad as it could be.

my fsh is 20..

sooooo even though last time he told me he was being as aggressive as possible...

i didnt realize today just exactly statistically what my odds are.


my odds of carrying a pregnancy full term is %5 percent or less.

apparently i can get pg...but the odds of chemicals and miscarriages is crazy high bc the quality of my eggs just suck.

and the chances of getting more than one or 2 eggs per cycle is also very very low.


dr b was very kind and thank heavens we have ivf coverage ( for now at least) bc he said if we didnt...he would not recommend ivf bc it most likely wouldnt work and be so costly.


i am going to keep trying of course....

but i feel just sick inside.

this might be overshare..... but
when i was 20 my parents died about 6 months apart. i have no sibs.... really any family of my own close at all.

so now i feel ......why cant i at least be given a family of my own? i feel like a whiner but i just want a baby of my own.

i know there is adoption... but my hubby is an only child too..

and if we dont have a bio child....i feel like its the end of our blood line. is it silly to feel that way?
am i selfish that i want a bio child?

dr b says the condition i have is completely genetic and there is nothing i could do about/prevent it.....but i still feel like less of a woman.


how do you cope with your infertility issues? how do you stay positive when the odds are against you?

any thoughts....... i would really appreciate it

xxoox jenn

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

Oh wow.. that is super tough news to take.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Would you consider donor egg?

I mean.. the child could still be biologically DH's and you would be able to carry him/her and have a pregnancy.

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

First of all

You poor thing...that is SO much for one person to take in

I am not familar with the tests that you have mentioned, but from reading on the baords, it looks like you are in the best possible hands with Dr.B ...

It is such a very personal decision, but if for some reason conceiving on your own is not a possiblity- would you consider an egg-donor (for your DH's bloodline- I know you mentioned that) ?
Is that a possibility ?

You are definately not selfish for wanting a biological child and definately not any less of a woman !

For what it is worth, being a parent , however it comes to you is such a blessing and any child you welcome into your life will be a product of love...

As for how I dealt with our struggle...I just kept going month after month and always had a plan "B" ( mine was adoption if life lead us that way)...It empowered me to feel in control that I did "have" a choice, even if it was not my first....

I am so very sorry that you are going through this...Not fair

All my that your dream comes true!!!

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

I am so sorry you are going through this No, of course you are not selfish for wanting your own bio child. I really hope and pray that you will be able to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. I want to wish you lots of luck!!

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

First off, I am so sorry you are going through this.

Like you my parents died when I was very young (12 and 23) I am an only child. I am the last person on this earth with "my blood" so I understand the need to make your own family. I also understand the frustration of approaching "that age" and not being able to have a baby. It is a constant struggle. I keep going, because I HAVE to. The only alternative I have is to quit, and that is not an option.

I had several IUI's and nada, I am moving on to IVF this month, not because I really want to, but because I need to. I am prepared to move on to donor eggs before I lessen my chances on carrying a baby full term. I am open to adoption after that. I wont stop till I get my family. There is NO wrong way to build your family.

I won't feed you bs about staying positive, IF sucks, take time to be miserable, cry, scream, life is unfair and you are entitled to be ****** off about it, but then, then, you need to pull yourself together and start making plans to create YOUR family.

You are NOT alone in anything you are feeling. FM me anytime.

Good luck to you.

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

I am so sorry that you have received this news. Whatever you do should feel right to you. I think there is nothing wrong with a person trying to have a bio child for as long as they can before considering adoption. My heart breaks for you, but from the boards I have learned that Dr. B. is certainly the person you should be with during this journey. Good luck!!!!!

Message edited 7/3/2010 6:30:35 AM.

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

I would go thru a lot of emotions if i were in your shoes. I would just be so mad/sad/disappointed. I think you are more than entitled to your feelings.

Infertility sucks and being told that your odds are so low, I would imagine that's just devastating. I do know a few people that did end up getting pregnant with very low odds though so it does happen. My friend's sister was perimenopausal at a very young age and told there was less than a 1% chance that she could get pregnant. She tried IVF countless times with no success. Doctors refused to treat her anymore and then she did get pregnant on her own and now has a little girl. I know they tried again after this baby and it didn't happen.

I am so sorry you have to go thru this.

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

I'm in a similar situation, with very poor egg quality. The other circumstances I can't speak to. Although we don't have IVF coverage, we did buy into a shared risk program to maximize our chances of finding a good egg.
I don't think you are selfish for wanting a bio child. The other processes are very difficult and offer no guarantees in the end. I think if/when you are ready to pursue other options, you first have to mourn the loss of what you had so hoped for...
I accepted the fact that I may not ever have a biological child and for me it was the only way to move forward. It was not an easy process to go through, but now I feel much better equipped to handle whatever comes our way. I hope you find some peace and serenity in your journey. And remember, miracles do happen...

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to receive that news.

Like others have asked, would you consider donor egg? I know it may not be your child biologically, but it would be DHs and you can carry the baby and deliver. And I really don't believe in blood versus what you can make a family. Once you have that baby, it won't matter whose blood is running through his or her veins. All that will matter is that child will reside in your heart forever.

It's a tough decision that you have to make. I truly wish you all the strength in the world.

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

Re: how would you feel? longgggg

You have every right to feel the way you do. If you do decide to do donor eggs I would like to share my conversation with my DH. He put it in this perspective which made me feel better about it.

Between humans there is very little difference in the make up of each persons DNA. We are all more like each other than not. With that being said, when you mix the donor egg with DH sperm and place it in you that baby now has your blood. You are now in the mix as well. Its not just the ingredients that makes the baby, its YOU that nourishes, houses and protects the baby. And when that baby is born you are the mother.

Good luck to you in what ever you do.