VENT

Message edited 9/5/2010 9:53:54 PM.

Re: VENT

I totally feel you. My husband has a illness where he is in constant pain. He takes meds to help him feel better but, we cant BD. The days I feel like I am maybe O most of the time we can BD cause he does not feel good. Its frustrating but, at the same time you have to be sympathetic and even if it will take longer then expected its not their fault. You cant force them to BD if they are not feeling good no matter how much you want to. I feel ya

Re: VENT

Thank you for responding! I really didnt think anyone else would be in a similar situation. I hope your DH's illness gets better soon and you get a BFP. I know I am wrong for getting mad but I get so frustrated with this situation. Any tips on how to deal with this?

I keep wondering about situations like these if there is anything a specialist could do to help. I told my OB about this when I went for pre-TTC exam and he really didnt say anything. My co-worker was given a fertility drug when she couldnt get PG after one year. Not sure how this works with insurance but I wonder if I can get a drug like this..............

Re: VENT

awwww... I'm SOOO sorry for your loss and difficulties.

its going to be a hard road.
what about taking a month or two off from trying... and then seeing if it makes a change in him?? do you think a break would help him see?

I'm so sorry. I also had a mc early this year. it's heartbreaking.

Good Luck.

Re: VENT

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for what you're going through now.

Knowing nothing about you or your marriage, I would venture a guess that your DH is feeling guilty that he can't just BD-on-command like he probably could earlier in your relationship. It's a tough thing for a man, mentally, to not be able to perform physically on a whim. I think this is why he's accusing you of being "annoying" - it's easier than facing the fact that he feels inadequate.

My advice would be to try to tell him as little as possible about your process. Instead of, "I'm O'ing tomorrow so we have to BD this second!" I'd try, "hey honey, you look sexy tonight. Why don't we go upstairs a little early?"

Good luck!

Re: VENT

One - I'm sorry that you're going through this - it sounds really frustrating.

I don't have any personal experience but I did have a friend who went through it and they ended up doing at home insemination. . it's def a more clinical way of making the but is a viable option and in the end really turns out the same and is not so different from all the girls doing IUI and stuff. . I DO realize it's certainly not an option for everyone and would def be something most DHs would need to process a bit before being down with the program but it worked for them the first time so just wanted to throw that out there.

but to you

Re: VENT

Thanks for the ideas! I've tried the sexy thing but DH is on to me and thinks I am even more annoying for trying to trick him. lol It ends up making him feel worse because it is even harder for him to be able to deal with not Bd'ing.

The at home insemination sounds good to me! I am going to wait 2-3 months before I call my Dr to see what the heck I can do since I want to have by first before I turn 32 which doesnt leave me much time. And call me selfish but I would like at least 2 babies one day!!!!!!

I know that I should really try taking a 1-2 month break to see if my DH comes around and give this annoying injury more time to heal but I am impatient because we are not getting any younger, have been married over 2 years and the M/C makes me even more anxious to have a successful pregnancy.

Thanks for reading my venting!!

Re: VENT

Yes i feel your pain we are TTC but DH is so stressed/ over work/ over TTC that he cant.....and its always when we HAVE to that he cant! ughhhh

you have all the right to feel this way

Re: VENT

Thank you!

Re: VENT

i actually feel your pain but the injury was MINE and I couldn't really BD at all for a long time until I healed. DH also refused to, citing my injury but he was right though I really think he was just scared that we were officially starting TTC.

So I know it sucks and I hope he gets better ASAP! I'm not patient at all either!

Re: VENT Update :(

Thanks!! I'm glad your are feeling better. My DH should be better in a few more months but the wait it really getting to me. The fact that I had a M/C in early 2010 makes it worse because I just want to get back in the game already.

Update:

DH told me today that we are going to have to stop TTC. It is too hard for him b/c he feels terrible when we cant BD on schedule.

He is going to let me know when we he is ready but I cant push him. I now have to try not to ask about it, talk about what it would be like to have a baby or say anything with the word baby. He doesnt want it mentioned AT ALL.

He really wants a baby even though it doesnt seem like it based on this post. (I hope)

Good luck to everyone and hopefully I am back in a few months. I am going to try to stop looking at this board because it is making me crazy!! I'm gonna stick to the Home boards. At least I can finishing work on my house since we will have extra $ since we have no baby expenses. Thanks for reading my complaining!!!!!

Again, good luck to all!!!!!

Re: VENT

Oh just wanted to send a to you and say I hope DH gets some healing vibes and it must be really hard for both of you!

Though it's probably smart to avoid the boards for a while bc that would just lead to a lot of

and happy house fixin in the meantime.

Re: VENT

Posted by BeachGal

Thanks!! I'm glad your are feeling better. My DH should be better in a few more months but the wait it really getting to me. The fact that I had a M/C in early 2010 makes it worse because I just want to get back in the game already.

Update:

DH told me today that we are going to have to stop TTC. It is too hard for him b/c he feels terrible when we cant BD on schedule.

He is going to let me know when we he is ready but I cant push him. I now have to try not to ask about it, talk about what it would be like to have a baby or say anything with the word baby. He doesnt want it mentioned AT ALL.

He really wants a baby even though it doesnt seem like it based on this post. (I hope)

Good luck to everyone and hopefully I am back in a few months. I am going to try to stop looking at this board because it is making me crazy!! I'm gonna stick to the Home boards. At least I can finishing work on my house since we will have extra $ since we have no baby expenses. Thanks for reading my complaining!!!!!

Again, good luck to all!!!!!

Re: VENT

I am sorry you are going through this. But trust me you are not alone. I feel that DH is really not making an effort to try and help improve our chances. Originally when we started charting he was thrilled that we would every other day, every day, etc. But now he has been saying he's tired, has a headache, etc.. He's basically actiing like a girl.

I finally couldn't take it anymore and sat him down and had a looooooong talk. He basically feels that he is now being put under pressure and starting to feel like it is his fault that we can't get pregnant. Now that I am on medicine he says it should be no problem so now is starting to feel it is him which makes him feel like less of a man. This led into another subject, he was supposed to go and have another SA but has never called to make the appt. So I told him how will we know if you don't do what you are supposed to.

I agree with Dava, I think it is tougher for a man to process the fact that he has limitations especially in the s e x dept. Try talking to DH and try to have him explain what he is really thinking/feeling. GL and I hope things get better.

Re: VENT

Hi Yes, Egg, it is because he is in too much pain and is scared of going backwards instead of healing. His injury was VERY VERY serious and he will be ok one day. Of course I dont want him to really hurt himself or be in pain but recently he decided he could BD again but it was never at the "good" times. So I figured we could TTC again but now we are back to square one and he doesnt want to BD anymore until he says he is ready.

RGE - Did you DH make his appt yet? I hope he does and everything is ok. I agree men are very hard on themselves in this area. Men!! I dont sit around and blame myself for my M/C. Since the months keep passing me by since the M/C, my fear is increasing though. I just want to know if I can get PG again for 9 months this time or if I will have another M/C.