It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

and it's just not getting better. I can't believe that it's been two whole months already. I literally cry myself to sleep every night because all I can do is think about her and still not believe that she's not here. I replay that horrible last day over and over again in my head and have so much anger at DH that I had to do it all by myself and that he will never know how horrible it was and not have those same memories and pictures in his head that I did. I question my decision to put her to sleep every day and feel like I made the wrong decision and blame myself, because it's my fault.
I miss having a little purring baby so badly. I go to my mom's house and want to hang out with her cat the whole time and then it makes me feel so bad and guilty that I'm betraying my little girl

I just don't know what to do anymore.
Thanks for listening.

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

You shouldn't blame yourself and think you made the wrong decision. You basby was sick and you did the best thing you could for her at the moment

Im sure nothing can replace the love you have for Pookie but did you ever think about getting another kitty? Not to replace pookie but to give you something furry to love? to help you through this hard time.

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but Pookie wasn't well and you did what was best for her. You gave her the best life you could of and I'm sure you miss her dearly, but you can't keep blaming yourself. You did the right thing!!! Don't blame yourself, maybe you should think about getting another kitty just to keep you company, not to replace her.

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

i don't know the history of your pookie, but i am sure you did everything humanly possible for your girl. aspca has a pet loss hotline. i wonder if you would feel any better by talking to someone?

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-loss/

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

I know exactly how you feel. My husband works nights and wasn't home that last night before my cat passed. That was the worst night of my life- I will never forgot her cries, the awful, horrible sounds I had to endure- ALONE.
He will never know that part of it. I am tearing up now just thinking about that...and it was 9 months ago.

I have to pass the emergency vet where she died every day on the way home from work. I can't pass it without tearing up.

I know it doesn't seem like it now- but it WILL get better. It takes a long time, but it does get better.
Don't feel guilty for your decision. You did the very best you could with the circumstances. The decision you had to make was the hardest one ever- but you have to know you did the right and the most unselfish thing. We want to keep our pets with us forever because we need them, but sometimes we need to realize when it's time for them to go...because they are in so much pain.

And dont' feel guilty for going to see your mom's cats. Sometimes that is exactly what you need.
We ended up gettting new cats shortly after our girl passsed. At first I felt horribly guilty for that. Like I was betraying her. But i soon came to realize that she would never be replaced and would always have a special place in our hearts.
And the new kittens helped us heal and move on in amazing ways. The hardest part was that empty spot in the house.
With the new babies, that spot was filled.

When you are ready, look into adopting. You'll be amazed at what it does for you.
And in the meantime, just let the grief come naturally, but try not to focus on the guilt!

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

I understand exactly how you feel. Today is 11 months since I had to put my cat Persia to sleep and I still miss her so much. I cry every time I think about her. You did the right thing for Pookie...never question that. You gave her an amazing life filled with love and you took away her suffering. It will get better. Just keep thinking about the good times you two had and try not to think about that horrible day. I know it is easier said than done. I'm here if you need to talk

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

Posted by anonttcer

I know exactly how you feel. My husband works nights and wasn't home that last night before my cat passed. That was the worst night of my life- I will never forgot her cries, the awful, horrible sounds I had to endure- ALONE.
He will never know that part of it. I am tearing up now just thinking about that...and it was 9 months ago.

I have to pass the emergency vet where she died every day on the way home from work. I can't pass it without tearing up.

I know it doesn't seem like it now- but it WILL get better. It takes a long time, but it does get better.
Don't feel guilty for your decision. You did the very best you could with the circumstances. The decision you had to make was the hardest one ever- but you have to know you did the right and the most unselfish thing. We want to keep our pets with us forever because we need them, but sometimes we need to realize when it's time for them to go...because they are in so much pain.

And dont' feel guilty for going to see your mom's cats. Sometimes that is exactly what you need.
We ended up gettting new cats shortly after our girl passsed. At first I felt horribly guilty for that. Like I was betraying her. But i soon came to realize that she would never be replaced and would always have a special place in our hearts.
And the new kittens helped us heal and move on in amazing ways. The hardest part was that empty spot in the house.
With the new babies, that spot was filled.

When you are ready, look into adopting. You'll be amazed at what it does for you.
And in the meantime, just let the grief come naturally, but try not to focus on the guilt!

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

Ladies,

Thank you so much for you love and support and own stories of love and loss that you shared with me on FM. I will write back to you - just can't do it yet I think my biggest mistake today was writing this post while I was at work - not a good idea.

Some of you may know that I am pregnant and due next month - I think it makes it extra painful because as someone shared on FM, you try to bargain with G-d - just let her be here for the baby so we can all be a family together.
If we do adopt one day, it won't be for awhile because I know life is going to be turned upside down with the baby coming. We also travel to NY in the summer and always brought our Pookie and our Puppydog. So, this summer it would have been Pookie, Puppydog, and the baby- what a crazy time! So, if anything, we won't look into adopting until after the summer when we're done traveling. So, that gives me a lot of time to think. I just think I'm so scared about opening my heart up to another baby. I feel like I could never go through the pain again if I lost a little furbaby young, like we did Pookie. Our little babies are not supposed to go at 5

Just want to share a quick story from last week - we took a baby class and it was us and three other couples - the facilitator was doing some ice-breaker type questions at the beginning and asked who had pets and what did you have - so I said a dog and paused and didn't say anything else. Again, I felt so horrible for not saying Pookie or saying we had a cat, but I didn't think I could. So the other couples all had dogs. So the facilitator was like "what, nobody likes cats?" I almost had to walk out
It's just so hard and I send so many hugs to those of you who have been through this as well. It's truly a pain like no other. Thanks, my friends.

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

Its been almost 6 months since we had to put our buddy to sleep. I cried for almost 2 months and I couldnt go home without DH being there first.

Things do get a little easier. I threw myself into charity work and fostered dogs. It helped a lot just knowing I was able to help another dog. We ended up adopting one of our foster dogs and I have to say I cried when we adopted her because it was time for me to let go of Buddy.

You did not do anything to betray your Pookie, she was sick and you did the right thing for her. Please do not beat yourself up for doing what was humane.

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

what you did was selfless...you were a great mommy to pookie and you 100% did the right thing, don't ever doubt that

I am sorry you are hurting so much

Re: It's Been Two Months Without My Pookie Girl...

I'm so sorry. You showed Pookie love and compassion through 'til the final moments. You definitely did the right thing and are wonderful for doing so. There are some pet owners out there who probably would not have invested as much time and money into treatment as you did.