Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

We've been playing phone tag for days. Ugh - I know that I wanted to talk to him to try and see if speaking to him would help bring some sort of healing or beginnings of closure, but nothing does. She had a check-up with him the day before she threw the clot and he said she had absolutely none of the indicators or signs that would lead to a possible blood clot at all. If she had, she would have been started on anti-coagulants. He said in heart disease, 10-15% of the kitties get blood clots.
He said it is possible that she could have been stabilized, but more than likely it would have come back. That was what the emergency vet on call that night told me and that she would have not put her own kitty through it again.
The cardiologist also just told me that it's possible the clot came from her cancer and many times with that the body parts that are affected (in her case, back legs/lower extremities) become necrotic and don't regain circulation etc.
I just cannot stop questioning if I did the right thing and it just so continues to haunt me. On one level, I KNOW I did the right thing but the decision was made so rushed and under such distress - me being in distress seeing her in such distress. And made all alone I just keep thinking I should have fought harder for her. When he said things like - if she were able to be stabilized, she may have had another 6-8 weeks, the selfish part of me just wants that so bad.

Re: Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

I read this a couple of times, thinking of how to phrase what I want to say.

Having read your & Pookie's struggle these past few weeks, it is so clear to me that you agonized over her care. That you worried about her suffering and wanted the best for her, and most of all, that every decsion was made out of love for her.

Please don't beat yourself up for your choices.

Re: Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

Posted by baghag

I read this a couple of times, thinking of how to phrase what I want to say.

Having read your & Pookie's struggle these past few weeks, it is so clear to me that you agonized over her care. That you worried about her suffering and wanted the best for her, and most of all, that every decsion was made out of love for her.

Please don't beat yourself up for your choices.

Re: Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

You went above and beyond what most pet owners would have ever done for their pets, even those that love them, and gave Pookie a real fighting chance. Instead of continuing to agonize over your decision, trust in your heart that you knew it was the best thing for Pookie when you made the decisions you did.

When I had to stop fighting for my dog three years ago, I thought of letting her go (and putting her to sleep while she laid in my arms) as the last gift I could give her - an end to her suffering after doing everything kind in my power to save her. It's such an incredibly hard thing to endure but you have to trust that your love for her would never have let you do something or decide something about her care that wasn't for the best. Try to let go of the guilt and come to terms with it, even though it's difficult, there's no right or wrong here but an awful situation with awful choices and you made the hard choices that were best for your pet. So sorry you are going through this.

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I agree with everyone here - you did the right thing. Even though it wasn't the desired choice, it was the best choice for Pookie's well being.

Re: Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

You did the right thing. My kitty Max had the same exact thing happen.

It broke my heart to see him suffer.

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Re: Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

you did the right selfless thing for her, please don't ever think you did something wrong or could have done more....she is pain free now, at peace

Re: Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

I know how the guilt can haunt you.
Trust me I do.

But what happened was beyond your control...the cancer, the heart failure- there was nothing you could have done to prevent any of that.
And the decision you made was done out of love... animals can't tell us that they are suffering, that they are tired, that it's time. We take on that responsiblity when we chose to love them.
And it's the most difficult thing ever- and it sucks.

I know your cat was young- and that makes it so much worse I think.
We always say that if our cat had died when she was like 15 or 20 years old we'd still be devasted but at least it would have been expected and she would have had a nice long life. When a pet dies way too young, it just makes the blow that much worse and harder to bear. And you start thinking there had to be something more you could have done...

But the truth of the matter is, it was beyond anyone's control. Sometimes life isn't fair- but know that you did the right thing and at least now she is at peace and there is no more suffering...

Re: Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

Oh lord - I really shouldn't read these responses at work
I know I sound like a broken record - but I cannot thank all of you enough for your support, compassion, and understand. I miss her terribly everyday and cry multiple times a day

Re: Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

Please try not to second guess your decision.

I have 4 cats in addition to managing a feral colony of over 30 cats. I have unfortunately had to put several cats to sleep over the years. It's really hard, but once i make the decision, I find peace with it. Often we keep them for OUR reasons, but it's not the best thing for the animal. Most of the time if you have made that decision it definitely was the best thing for the animal. Do you use Dr. Kramer?

Please accept my condolences on your loss.

Re: Just Spoke with Pookie's Cardiologist...

Thanks, Kara. I'm down in South Florida. The Pook was at a specialty vet's office.