So what do you make of this statement ??

So my SD came to my DS's birthday party on Saturday


I forget if my DH said it was on the way there or on the way back driving her home, but he said she goes....
"I have some memory loss"
I asked DH what prompted her to say that and my DH said he has no idea, they were talking about songs on the radio when she said it ....Of-course my DH didn't delve into it any further with her and I really wished he had because maybe it would have opened some doors and answered some questions ( or confused us more, who knows)

Do you think now that she has been coming around more regularly she is confused and can't grasp why she hasn't been with us for so long (2+ years)?? Maybe its too abstract for her to get a handle on ( heck, I don't even understand it and I'm an adult)...Maybe all the things or ideas her mother planted in her aren't making sense now that she can see first hand that my DH is not a bad person and that she is loved by all of us and her extended family ?????

Then my DH reminded me of something that I forgot about....He said "don't you remember when she was about 3, she would always come up to me , sit on my lap or next to me and say
" You're a good daddy"...almost as if she was trying to block out what she was being told that wasn't true...I totally forgot about it, but it makes complete sense....

It's so nice to not have to go through BM now that she's older...Now if BM wan't to play games ( like not letting her go to her brothers party), SHE has to look her daughter in the face and say no....They actually even bought my DS a B-Day present which was a nice surprise ( although, she probably made my SD pay for it, or we will be charged for it one way or another)...

Just wanted to pick your brains and see what you make of that comment ( or maybe I'm looking too deep into it)
Either way, it was really nice to have her at his party, she belongs there



Heres a couple of pics ..

Re: So what do you make of this statement ??

Im going to guess that she doesnt know what the truth is (about the past)...

BM drilled "the truth" into her head some much that what the reality of the truth is and the lies are all rolling into one and not making sense to her...

When she is there and part of the family again she is remembering the happy times that you had together....so it's conflicting with the "memories" that she has that were created by her mother...

Perhaps the next time you see her dig out some of the photo albums and take a trip down memory lane with her....

Re: So what do you make of this statement ??

I agree with the PP, if I had to guess what that statement meant, I think she is confused too. She has wonderful times/memories with all of you yet all these years her mother has been drilling negative things about DH and she probably believes her mother would do right by her - yet is confused b/c it just doesn't add up now. As she gets older BM tactics will be exposed and she will now look foolish to SD. I feel bad for some of our SK that are victims of parental alienation and when they get older and realize what one parent has done to them. They will surely need to work things out in therapy.

On a side note, maybe she will begin to ask DH questions to try to clarify things. See if maybe next time if she should say something like that again DH could talk further with her - maybe she will open up a bit more and start asking some questions.

Re: So what do you make of this statement ??

Definately will do the photo thing...I think its time..

I was waiting on that because I didn't know if seeing those pictures would be painful to her at all, but I think she may be ready now...It can be a good thing..

She actually asked me if I could make her a copy of the picture of DS's B-day cake this year...Her asking for the picture in itself isn't a big deal, but the fact that she was asserting a "want" for something like that for her to take home with her is quite big because it means she is becoming her own person and doesn't care what BM thinks to a degree ( in the past she was not "allowed" to have pics )

Re: So what do you make of this statement ??

I was lurking on Parenting yesterday and saw the pics; so glad she was there with all of you to celebrate DS's b-day!!!!!

As for that statement, it could mean anything. You said they were talking about music, she might have just meant that she has a hard time remembering the words to the songs. It makes most sense that she's referring to DH and the time she lost with you guys; but she might not have been referring to that at all. As adults sometimes we read too much into things kids say. I wish DH had asked her to explain what she meant, but it's not too late. The next time she's with you I would have DH bring it up, something like "you said something the other day that's had me thinking and I was just wondering what you meant by it".

Re: So what do you make of this statement ??

Posted by imthecindyofcindyandkevin

I was lurking on Parenting yesterday and saw the pics; so glad she was there with all of you to celebrate DS's b-day!!!!!

As for that statement, it could mean anything. You said they were talking about music, she might have just meant that she has a hard time remembering the words to the songs. It makes most sense that she's referring to DH and the time she lost with you guys; but she might not have been referring to that at all. As adults sometimes we read too much into things kids say. I wish DH had asked her to explain what she meant, but it's not too late. The next time she's with you I would have DH bring it up, something like "you said something the other day that's had me thinking and I was just wondering what you meant by it".