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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Need Advice...(long story)
Last night my SIL in Hawaii calls to talk to DH & I. She told us that she has a work opportunity in May to go to Scotland to work on a retreat group there (she is an LMT, and retreat groups hire her all the time in Hawaii). This group went to Hawaii and she worked with them there. The same people who organized the Hawaii trip organized the Scotland trip and want SIL to be there to work with the group. They would pay for her flight and hotel for two weeks, plus pay her for her sessions with clients. This is a GREAT opportunity for her business. Guess when this is all going down??? Yep, between May 12-26. So, if she decides to go, she will not be our doula and will miss the birth. There is a chance that even if she decided to be our doula that the baby could come early and she would miss it anyway.
She asked Dh & I what we thought and needs an answer tonight in order to let the tour organizers know. I told her last night that this is HER decision and she has to do what she feels is the right thing. I believe she is very torn about it and wants our "blessing" to go to Scotland.
I feel like a b*tch if I tell her I am upset about her going to Scotland (which I am more disappointed than anything else). I mean she committed to us that she would be our doula. She did not want $$ from us and was going to pay her own way as a gift to us. Dh offered to pay her to be our doula and for her flight, and she said that she could not accept it from family. Scotland not only would be great financially but she feels if she says no to them, they will not call her for another retreat and loose out on potential business in the future. I can see how this is a awesome opportunity for her, yet I am so disappointed.
So here is the dilemma..
Do I give her our blessing? I am thinking I should. I don't want there to be any weirdness between us. Plus, after Scotland she said she would come and hang here for a week to see the baby. I guess I am so disappointed and upset and needed to vent. I know deep down in my heart giving her our blessing is the right thing to do. She feels bad enough about it with me making her feel worse. I am just depressed about it because I don't have my mom to be there at the hospital or afterwards and now I won't have my SIL. 
Thanks for letting me vent. 
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Posted 4/20/06 11:10 AM  |
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jersee3380
He's here!!
Member since 5/05 1372 total posts
Name:
caroline
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
im' sorry i'd feel the same way ... i guess it's the right thing to do to give her your blessing to go to scotland. i'm sure she's upset about missing the baby, too, but i guess both of you should look at it as whats best for the long run.
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| Posted 4/20/06 11:14 AM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
Posted by jersee3380
im' sorry i'd feel the same way ... i guess it's the right thing to do to give her your blessing to go to scotland. i'm sure she's upset about missing the baby, too, but i guess both of you should look at it as whats best for the long run.
I agree. I'd be upset too, I'm sorry you have to make this decision. I would give SIL your blessing to go and then let her decide what she does. I'm sorry she will miss the birth if she goes
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| Posted 4/20/06 11:36 AM |
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justme1
Proud SAHM
Member since 5/05 1955 total posts
Name:
Jodi
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
I would be very hurt but I wouldnt let it cause friction during MY happy time. I also wouldnt want any tension between us.
I would give her your blessing.
Im so sorry though...
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| Posted 4/20/06 11:40 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
Posted by MrsJ
Posted by jersee3380
im' sorry i'd feel the same way ... i guess it's the right thing to do to give her your blessing to go to scotland. i'm sure she's upset about missing the baby, too, but i guess both of you should look at it as whats best for the long run.
I agree. I'd be upset too, I'm sorry you have to make this decision. I would give SIL your blessing to go and then let her decide what she does. I'm sorry she will miss the birth if she goes
I agree with you both. I know giving her our blessing and not making her feel worse than she already does is the right thing to do.
I guess I just needed to vent and see how others would feel if they were in my position. I feel gulity for thinking "what about me"? You know? I guess I felt that if SIL would be there for the birth and help the week after at our house, I would not miss my mom as much. Last night I was crying for over an hour to DH.
I guess I just wish my mom was well and I would have the experience that all my other friends had with their moms being there after to help, offering motherly advice, and taking care of them. As motherhood fast approaches for me I miss my mom more and more. She is a different person now (lives in a nursing home and has major mental illness and physcial illnesses) and I miss the "old" her (when she was well).
Thanks for letting me get this out. Sorry for being such a bummer today. 
Message edited 4/20/2006 11:52:01 AM.
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| Posted 4/20/06 11:47 AM |
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Charly
LOVE!
Member since 5/05 12578 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
I'm so sorry I know its very disappointing but you'll be doing the right thing by giving her your blessing. I think it's great that she'll come spend a week with you and your new little one when she's done in Scotland!!
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| Posted 4/20/06 11:50 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
Posted by Charly
I'm so sorry I know its very disappointing but you'll be doing the right thing by giving her your blessing. I think it's great that she'll come spend a week with you and your new little one when she's done in Scotland!!
I'm sorry I also agree that you should give your blessing for her to go to Scottland. After all, there is a slight chance she can miss it anyway...you don't want her to give up the Scottland trip and GF miss the birth
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| Posted 4/20/06 11:58 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
Posted by Charly
I'm so sorry I know its very disappointing but you'll be doing the right thing by giving her your blessing. I think it's great that she'll come spend a week with you and your new little one when she's done in Scotland!!
I agree. Feel better
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| Posted 4/20/06 12:03 PM |
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WoodIAm
My Boys!
Member since 5/05 5498 total posts
Name:
JoAnne
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
I'm sorry you have to make this decision Dina. I agree with everyone, I'd give her my blessing too, as hard as it might be. I think you will feel better in the end that you did.
I'll lend you my Mom for the delivery 
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| Posted 4/20/06 12:20 PM |
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anon
where's winter?
Member since 11/05 2209 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
i agree with everyone else
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| Posted 4/20/06 12:25 PM |
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FelAndJon
needs to update her avatar pic
Member since 6/05 10212 total posts
Name:
Felice (aka LuckyBride2004)
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It seems though that you already made up your mind
BTW - Does she know or maybe could recommend another doula to assist with your nirth?
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| Posted 4/20/06 12:30 PM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
I would hire a doula in your own area. That way you know for sure that you will have the person with you and you will have their support when the time comes.
I have read that many girls miss their moms A LOT during pregnancy and has the baby's delivery approaches. I am sure your SIL will still be there for you, just not in person. Do you have a close Aunt or cousin who can help you?
Message edited 4/20/2006 12:43:20 PM.
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| Posted 4/20/06 12:42 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
Thanks Ladies
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| Posted 4/20/06 3:45 PM |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
I'm sorry this happened. I would tell SIL that while you would love to have her with you, you understand the opportunity that she has been given and that you couldn't let her pass it up. You could also say that if you happen to go early that you would love for her to come before she goes to Scotland. I hope all goes well for you.
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| Posted 4/20/06 4:52 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
I would be upset but I would give my blessing
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| Posted 4/20/06 5:29 PM |
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Sharon
So Big... So Fast!
Member since 5/05 2959 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
Posted by Charly
I'm so sorry I know its very disappointing but you'll be doing the right thing by giving her your blessing. I think it's great that she'll come spend a week with you and your new little one when she's done in Scotland!!
Totally agree. i would give her my blessing.
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| Posted 4/20/06 10:09 PM |
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wowcoulditbe
wow, pic is already 1 yr old!!
Member since 1/06 6689 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Need Advice...(long story)
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| Posted 4/22/06 10:59 AM |
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