I am so hurt..sort of long

We hadn't really told any we were ttc and seeing an re besides my mom. three months ago I told my best friend after another disappointing bfn.

My friend has been married for 4 years and always says she and her DH don''t want kids. Today she tells me she pg. I was so happy for her until she said "after hearing of your problems I told DH we better try now because I don't want that to happen to me". I didn't even know what to say, I was so embarassed I went into the bathroom and started to cry. She didn't say anything else about it, but just kept going on and on about how sick she has been feeling, and how its so hard to be pg.

My DH says I should say something to her, but I don't want to sound like I am not happy for her. I am not sure if she said it to be mean, or it was just a mistake.

Would you say something.

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

Nah....she didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I think she was trying to thank you for lighting a fire on her butt.

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

Oh, I am so sorry you were hurt. She probably didn't say it to be mean but was just thoughless in saying what she said.

I hope you feel better soon and all your dreams come true. Hang in there.

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

If you have a really open relationship, I would probably make mention if it, just so she doesn't say something lke that again. I would say something along the lines of, "I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it, but I was really hurt when you said you didn't want to end up like me. I'm glad you are prenant and didn't have to go through what I'm going through, but I don't need my struggles thrown back in my face."

ETA- I had a friend keep telling me "I know, I know" when I would tell her how upset I was over another BFN. I finally had to tell her that although I completely appreciated her support, it was hard for me to hear her say she knows how I feel, because in fact, she doesn't. She has had 3 unplanned, happy accidents.

Message edited 8/5/2009 5:22:26 PM.

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

That really stinks! I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Nobody has any idea how IF feels unless they have gone through it themselves. I probably wouldn't even say anything to her though.

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

I couldn't NOT say anything, especially to something that hurt me that bad.

I'm sorry

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

in a nice way I would say something. She probably meant no harm but should have considered your feelings as well...

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

I am sorry you were so hurt. Like the others said I don't think she meant it but I am sure that doesn't make it hurt any less. If she is that good of a friend I would have a heart to heart with her and let her know where you are coming from.

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

If u feel comfortable talking w/ her, u should.

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

Posted by MrsK914

Posted by jerseygirl

That really stinks! I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Nobody has any idea how IF feels unless they have gone through it themselves. I probably wouldn't even say anything to her though.

I completely agree with this. Most people that dont know the stress and disappointment that is often associated with IVF, dont realize how seemingly innocent comments can make someone who is going through the process feel. I am sure your friend didnt mean it. What I would suggest is seeing how she continues to act. If its going to be endless comments (even though innocent) throughout her entire pregnancy, I would consider sitting down and having a heart to heart with her. At this point I dont think its necessary. She obviously knows that this is hard for you, but in her own happiness she didnt realize how her "normal" process could be upsetting to you.

I had a hard time for a while after getting my diagnosis, b/c only my immediate family and a close friend knew what I was going through. After being at several family events, especially the holidays, I had to tell them all what was going on and how hard it is. I watched all my cousins and sister get pregnant, give birth, get pregnant again, watch all the kids growing up together (my cousin announced she was pregnant for the 2nd time on Christmas Eve, a week after I got my diagnosis) and it sucks. Conversations were all about the babies and who did this and that. I found the best way was to write a letter to them all explaining what I was going through and how seeing their "normalcy" was sometimes difficult for me to bear.

You definately have to do things at your own pace and within your own comfort zone. But you should never feel shame or discomfort in sharing the experience of your life, good or bad. People will respect where you are coming from. You just have to give them the beneft of the doubt.

Hope this helps!

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

Message edited 12/2/2009 12:27:48 PM.

Re: I am so hurt..sort of long

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt.

I would feel hurt too and most likely I'd say something.