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| Pages: 1 [2] |
kathleeng
Member since 5/05 3775 total posts
Name:
Kathleen
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Re: Update
Many
Much luck and hoping you get what you want and need out of the tough situation. Hang in there!!
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Posted 4/5/06 9:37 AM  |
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Summer05
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2320 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
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| Posted 4/5/06 9:38 AM |
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adviceplease
LIF Infant
Member since 2/06 136 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
Thanks again everyone for your hugs and thoughts. I have just FMed someone, and below is a part of what I wrote. I thought that maybe people had some thoughts advice on this too. I'm sorry I keep going on and on with this, but this helps me to get it out and hear others' views.
_________________________
One of the struggles I am facing now is that I have a sense of guilt and obligation to my husband because I knew how he was before we got married. I guess I hoped/thought that he would change as he got older. Although he has changed quite a bit, I feel that he may never be the man I expected him to be.
He does not abuse me in any way, so I am not in any danger or anything like that, and I think that it why I am not ending this sooner. It is more of a personality conflict, on a deep level. I feel like I should give him a chance...another chance to prove himself because I allowed this to get this far.
Any thoughts on this? Am I alone? Part of me feels like I am letting down family as well and that had a big part of why I am trying at this.
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:28 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Update
well, no matter what ...
you have no reason to feel guilty about anything
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:34 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Update
First of all,
At this point, if it were me, I would go ahead and try counseling, however, I would really do it on your own, without him, too. I think that if you can sort out your OWN feelings and have some validation to what is going on in your head and your heart, it may help you make your decision. I know it's hard to not allow family and friends and other aspects of your life influence your decisions, but you are the one who has to live everyday in your shoes. And I am sure as can be that your family would want you to be HAPPY above and beyond anything else.
I wish I had better advice, but I think that after doing some sorting, you will figure it out. I really do. Good luck. Please keep us updated
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:35 PM |
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MsG
Should be working
Member since 5/05 2824 total posts
Name:
G
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Re: Update
Best of luck to you.
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:35 PM |
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MsG
Should be working
Member since 5/05 2824 total posts
Name:
G
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Re: Update
Posted by adviceplease
Thanks again everyone for your hugs and thoughts. I have just FMed someone, and below is a part of what I wrote. I thought that maybe people had some thoughts advice on this too. I'm sorry I keep going on and on with this, but this helps me to get it out and hear others' views.
_________________________
One of the struggles I am facing now is that I have a sense of guilt and obligation to my husband because I knew how he was before we got married. I guess I hoped/thought that he would change as he got older. Although he has changed quite a bit, I feel that he may never be the man I expected him to be.
He does not abuse me in any way, so I am not in any danger or anything like that, and I think that it why I am not ending this sooner. It is more of a personality conflict, on a deep level. I feel like I should give him a chance...another chance to prove himself because I allowed this to get this far.
Any thoughts on this? Am I alone? Part of me feels like I am letting down family as well and that had a big part of why I am trying at this.
You owe nothing to anyone but yourself - to be happy. Just b/c he isn't abusing you doesn't mean he is being a good husband. You deserve a happy life. Don't feel obligated to him if he isn't committed to the relationship and/or you are not happy.
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:37 PM |
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adviceplease
LIF Infant
Member since 2/06 136 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
MsG and Princess thank you for your words. You both made plenty sense to me!
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:42 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Update
First off let me say that I think you are really strong for taking the next step by going to counseling. I also think that whatever is best for YOU is what you NEED to do. I know it's easy for me to sit here and say "don't worry about what family says" but honestly - it is YOUR life not theirs. You have to do what is in your best interest.
See how the counseling goes and if you can work through this and whatever past issues you may be holding in. Good luck and please let us know if you need anything.
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:46 PM |
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adviceplease
LIF Infant
Member since 2/06 136 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
Thank you Diana. And I'm glad to see that your puppy is home!
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:49 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
Life is short and you have to be happy while you are here. While I would personally suggest that you continue with counseling, if you continue to feel this way, you have to do whatever it is that will make you happy.
Good luck and keep us posted.
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:50 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Update
Posted by adviceplease
Thank you Diana. And I'm glad to see that your puppy is home!
Thanks and we'll be thinking of you!!!!
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:50 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Update
Posted by fjbaby
I just want to say that I think you are doing the right thing by going for counseling...it may help or it may not. But, at least you're going to try and I say that sometimes that is better to do than just ending the marriage...unless the circumstances are truly CLEAR that you should get out.
I agree completely- It will clear up any what-if's down the road and give you the confidence to say that you did your best in your marriage and tried eveything you could to make it work. This will help greatly down the road if you do choose to divorce.
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| Posted 4/5/06 5:51 PM |
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Suzanne
May the Force Be With You!
Member since 5/05 2083 total posts
Name:
Suzanne
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Re: Update
Good luck. I hope it all works out for you one way or another.
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| Posted 4/5/06 6:03 PM |
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Candygrl776
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/06 671 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
Best of Luck
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| Posted 4/5/06 6:04 PM |
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jersee3380
He's here!!
Member since 5/05 1372 total posts
Name:
caroline
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Re: Update
counseling is a great thing, hope it works for you and you get out of it what you need and want. my thoughts are with you
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| Posted 4/5/06 7:54 PM |
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Bri
I Love You to Pieces!
Member since 5/05 9919 total posts
Name:
Brianne
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Re: Update
Best wishes to you both!
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| Posted 4/5/06 7:55 PM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
Posted by MsG
Posted by adviceplease
Thanks again everyone for your hugs and thoughts. I have just FMed someone, and below is a part of what I wrote. I thought that maybe people had some thoughts advice on this too. I'm sorry I keep going on and on with this, but this helps me to get it out and hear others' views.
_________________________
One of the struggles I am facing now is that I have a sense of guilt and obligation to my husband because I knew how he was before we got married. I guess I hoped/thought that he would change as he got older. Although he has changed quite a bit, I feel that he may never be the man I expected him to be.
He does not abuse me in any way, so I am not in any danger or anything like that, and I think that it why I am not ending this sooner. It is more of a personality conflict, on a deep level. I feel like I should give him a chance...another chance to prove himself because I allowed this to get this far.
Any thoughts on this? Am I alone? Part of me feels like I am letting down family as well and that had a big part of why I am trying at this.
You owe nothing to anyone but yourself - to be happy. Just b/c he isn't abusing you doesn't mean he is being a good husband. You deserve a happy life. Don't feel obligated to him if he isn't committed to the relationship and/or you are not happy.
I agree, life is to short to stay with someone out of an obligation.... you both desererve more. Hang in there I am sure you will find the answer within yourself soon.
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| Posted 4/5/06 9:09 PM |
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mommy2Alex
3 babies for me :)
Member since 5/05 6683 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
I agree too. When I decided to leave my first husband, he wanted to go to counseling and I didn't. I just knew in my heart it wasn't going to work out.
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| Posted 4/5/06 9:22 PM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
:
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| Posted 4/5/06 9:40 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Update
i hope everything works outfor you
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| Posted 4/5/06 9:42 PM |
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adviceplease
LIF Infant
Member since 2/06 136 total posts
Name:
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Re: Update
Thanks again to all of you who have responded and sent love!
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| Posted 4/6/06 3:08 PM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Update
I think the ladies on here have give you some excellent advice and I only want to add my best wishes for happiness and to encourage you to do what you need to do to be happy....
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| Posted 4/6/06 3:42 PM |
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Re: Update
Only you know what is best for YOU. I wish you the best in your decision. We're all here to vent to!!
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| Posted 4/6/06 5:07 PM |
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| Pages: 1 [2] |
