Bickering

Do you ever find that you and your SO are bickering constantly over stupid things?

DH and I have been at each other's throats lately over the dumbest things.

Both of us seem to be more and more sensitive to what the other says, so even if the one of us doesn't mean it the other one still gets offended.

And lately the stupid little things have been turning into HUGE fights.



Any advice on how to break the cycle?

TIA

Re: Bickering

I totally understand what you're saying because we're experiencing it too lately. I found that it is stress. I'm sick, working a lot, he's working a lot and resents that I get two days off in a row, while his are spread out. I'm tired of doing all the chores and then when I express that I need him to do something, he gets so FRIGGIN DEFENSIVE!!! He spins it!!

Anyway, I don't know how to break it except to sometimes swallow the pride pill and apologize. He usually apologizes, too.

Good luck!!!

Re: Bickering

When we do that, I usually find that there is some bigger issue that we aren't fighting about. Usually something we have no control over at that particular time, like $$$$. Once the other situation get's resolved we are okay and the bickering seems to stop.
Good luck!

Re: Bickering

yes!! we all go through this!

as cliche as this may sound, communication is the key. sometimes when we argue over stupid cr@p, it's a result of some other bigger issues going on that havent been resolved. (i.e. $$$, work, family stresses, etc)....

talk it out. be honest with each other, and tell each other WHY/HOW, what was said hurt you. hopefully, the next time you start to bicker, you'll both take a step back and realize its just not worth arguing over!


and look at the bright side: the makeup sex is great!!!

Re: Bickering

Yup, fellow bickerer here. Little things turning into huge fights are definitely a speciality.

I read something this past year that's helped me. It's about a priest that led marriage counseling sessions. He told the couples to write down ten things they would do for their spouse if they loved them. Then he said to completely ignore your feelings and do those ten things. Just do it. Make a new list each week. In two months he said they'd see a significant difference because while it's the thought that counts, sometimes it's the actions you need.

So I started thinking about things, even though I didn't feel he "deserved it" or that I had put in more effort. I didn't tell him what I had read, I just started doing things I would do if I really loved him (because let's face it there are times we really don't love them). It changed a lot of the arguments we have and a lot of the mushy part of when we first started dating came back.

Hope this helps!


eta. if it doesn't work, try sex.

Message edited 3/18/2006 6:03:00 PM.

Re: Bickering

Barbara, I totally love what you wrote! Thank you for sharing!

Re: Bickering

Thanks everyone. Barbara that is great!

As for the sex - I think that may be one of the underlying issues.

Over a year of TTC sex has been straining us. We've taken time off and had "sex for fun", but ultimately we do need to make sure we have sex at certain times and it's making things more difficult.

I think you girls may be right on the nose with the underlying stuff causing all the little things.

Thanks. Marriage isn't easy!!

Re: Bickering

we go through phases- i think everyone does. And lawd knows theres always something in life thats going to add stress to you and your relationship, But you have to Decide that you want to be happy- you can't just hope that it gets better. like you said, marriage isnt easy, it takes alot of work, and one of the hardest things to do (especially for those of us who are stubborn) is Let go of the petty crap. Yes, we're entitled to our feelings, and sometimes we think that we're giving more than we get in return, But you're going to be together Forever, and is it more important to prove your case, or to be Happy with one another?

it's a tough pill to swallow soemtimes, but if you want Peace, YOU have to be the peacemaker. alot of times though- you'll find that if you go halfway in trying to make things better, your DH will end up meeting you in the middle.
hope it gets better!

Re: Bickering

We used to do this a LOT and I have to say we worked hard on it and now we rarely ever fight, and trust me we had some big ones that started over nothing.

We just sat down and told each other how horrible we made each other feel and took a pact not to ever fight. To listen to each other and try to understand and now if we do argue within minutes one of us goes to the other one and says" we aren't fighting right?" Its like a joke...and we make fun of it.

It took a lot of talking to get to this point, but things are 100% better then they ever were.

You and DH have so much goign on in your lives right now, it is way too easy to take it out on each other....try hard to not let stress come between you's.

I hope it gets easier sweetie!

Re: Bickering

You're not alone. It seems like DH and I have cycles, we argue all the time for a while, then we're happy all the time...chin up, the stupid little things are nothing to worry about.

Re: Bickering

Re: Bickering

Yes

I know what you mean...I don't know how to break the cycle either, but if it makes you feel any better, you are not alone and I think it is completely normal to go through ups and downs like that..