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Snozberry
I might steal your diamonds
Member since 2/06 4680 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Message edited 6/27/2006 1:59:34 PM.
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Posted 3/16/06 3:17 PM  |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
I wouldn't say anything to MIL regarding the wedding becaue if she was going to apologize, she would have. You don't want it to become "one up contest".
As far as passover, where is it being held? If it's a MIL's house, it's hard to tell her not to invite whomever she wants. You could always decline the invitation or host passover dinner yourself.
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:26 PM |
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Snozberry
I might steal your diamonds
Member since 2/06 4680 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
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Message edited 5/25/2007 9:02:55 PM.
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:29 PM |
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Kirsten
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 485 total posts
Name:
Kirsten
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Since your DH confronted her for you on the other issue, maybe the next time she tries to talk to you through him maybe he can reply "I am not going to mediate between the two of you. If you have something to tell or ask her you have to do it yourself, and while you are at it you still owe her that apology!!"
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:32 PM |
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Kirsten
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 485 total posts
Name:
Kirsten
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Posted by Snozberry
Posted by shamrock12472
I wouldn't say anything to MIL regarding the wedding becaue if she was going to apologize, she would have. You don't want it to become "one up contest".
As far as passover, where is it being held? If it's a MIL's house, it's hard to tell her not to invite whomever she wants. You could always decline the invitation or host passover dinner yourself.
That's true - she would have said I'm sorry if she wanted to and she meant it.
Passover is at her house - I'm Catholic and our apartment isn't kosher. I don't think it's fair to DH for me to say no because that's his family and my issue is with her, not the rest of the family. But I do see your point that it's not right to tell her who to invite to her own house. I just don't know why she's trying to give me the option - I find it strange.
Thank you for responding.
As FH would say, "old people are strange"
maybe by asking you if you mind if she invites this other girl, since she knows that it upset you last year, maybe this is her way of apologizing. Some people never like to admit that they were wrong and try to make up for it in other ways.
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:34 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Maybe she's asking you thinking you'll say no, and then she can b!tch about you having the nerve to say who she can have in her house.....You have to think like a b!tch!
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:36 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Posted by Snozberry
Posted by shamrock12472
I wouldn't say anything to MIL regarding the wedding becaue if she was going to apologize, she would have. You don't want it to become "one up contest".
As far as passover, where is it being held? If it's a MIL's house, it's hard to tell her not to invite whomever she wants. You could always decline the invitation or host passover dinner yourself.
That's true - she would have said I'm sorry if she wanted to and she meant it.
Passover is at her house - I'm Catholic and our apartment isn't kosher. I don't think it's fair to DH for me to say no because that's his family and my issue is with her, not the rest of the family. But I do see your point that it's not right to tell her who to invite to her own house. I just don't know why she's trying to give me the option - I find it strange.
Thank you for responding.
If I was in your shoes, I would go to Passover at MIL's house regardless of who she invites and who she doesn't. She may just invite the girl to annoy the H E L L out of you. I bet it would drive her crazy to see both of you in the same room together and getting along or at least being polite to one another.
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:44 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
If it were me, I'd ask DH tell her that HE doesn't want her there - that he's uncomfortable knowing that she tried to set them up.
I wouldn't tell her who to have in her house but I'd let her know that it makes me feel unwelcome - and as her new DIL, I thought she'd be more welcoming to me on my first seder as part of the family.
Bottom line - if she wants easy grandchild access, she's going to have to learn "She's not THE MAMA!"
You need to work on using Jewish guilt to your advantage.
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:51 PM |
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Snozberry
I might steal your diamonds
Member since 2/06 4680 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
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Message edited 5/25/2007 9:03:21 PM.
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:53 PM |
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Snozberry
I might steal your diamonds
Member since 2/06 4680 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Posted by nrthshgrl
If it were me, I'd ask DH tell her that HE doesn't want her there - that he's uncomfortable knowing that she tried to set them up.
I like this idea.
I seriously can't figure out what this woman is doing - I never said that it bothered me that this girl was there last year.
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:56 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Posted by Snozberry
I seriously can't figure out what this woman is doing - I never said that it bothered me that this girl was there last year.
Dont you know what sharks MILs are?
Signed,
Future Daughter in Law Hater
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| Posted 3/16/06 3:59 PM |
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Snozberry
I might steal your diamonds
Member since 2/06 4680 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by Snozberry
I seriously can't figure out what this woman is doing - I never said that it bothered me that this girl was there last year.
Dont you know what sharks MILs are?
Signed,
Future Daughter in Law Hater
I've tried to think differently; you know, try to convince myself that they aren't all the same. Oh well!
Ladies, thank you all very much for you input.
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| Posted 3/16/06 4:02 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
She doesn't hate you -- you're just the usurper.
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| Posted 3/16/06 4:07 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Honestly, I'd be the bigger person and let her invite whomever she wants to her house, and as much as it may irk you, smile and let it roll off your back. She's obviously doing it to get to you, as with the talking to you through your husband. Just don't engage her in that behavior and hopefully, it will eventually stop or you really will eventually stop caring. One of the best weapons a person has is to not give the response someone provoking them is looking for. It's just like when we were kids! Same old rules, if you ignore it, eventually it will go away.
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| Posted 3/16/06 4:08 PM |
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LAMGAJ28
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Member since 10/05 6039 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Posted by prncssrachel
Honestly, I'd be the bigger person and let her invite whomever she wants to her house, and as much as it may irk you, smile and let it roll off your back. She's obviously doing it to get to you, as with the talking to you through your husband. Just don't engage her in that behavior and hopefully, it will eventually stop or you really will eventually stop caring. One of the best weapons a person has is to not give the response someone provoking them is looking for. It's just like when we were kids! Same old rules, if you ignore it, eventually it will go away.
I couldn't have said it better.
This is exactly what I'd do.
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| Posted 3/16/06 5:17 PM |
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reggie
I love my boys!!
Member since 5/05 8044 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Posted by MrsFresca
Posted by prncssrachel
Honestly, I'd be the bigger person and let her invite whomever she wants to her house, and as much as it may irk you, smile and let it roll off your back. She's obviously doing it to get to you, as with the talking to you through your husband. Just don't engage her in that behavior and hopefully, it will eventually stop or you really will eventually stop caring. One of the best weapons a person has is to not give the response someone provoking them is looking for. It's just like when we were kids! Same old rules, if you ignore it, eventually it will go away.
I couldn't have said it better.
This is exactly what I'd do.
MIL ****. I don't even talk to mine. But, you are the better person. Be extra sugary sweet to her. That is the best advice you can get.
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| Posted 3/16/06 5:24 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
OMG! No way! I wouldnt go if this girl that was supposed to be there and my MIL clearly knew I was uncomfortable. In my opinion I would state it as is. Send an email to your MIL saying you feel uncomfortable with this girl there. If she decides the girl needs to be there then she made the decision for you and DH not to be there. BUT aside from that I would probably continue to keep your relationship as is now. By the way, Who is this girl and why is it necessary for her to be there?
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| Posted 3/16/06 5:34 PM |
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Snozberry
I might steal your diamonds
Member since 2/06 4680 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
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Message edited 5/25/2007 9:03:37 PM.
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| Posted 3/16/06 5:41 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Posted by nrthshgrl
If it were me, I'd ask DH tell her that HE doesn't want her there - that he's uncomfortable knowing that she tried to set them up.
I agree- I completely understand how hard MIL issues can be!
Unfortunately- for the most part it only gets worse after you have kids....
Message edited 3/16/2006 7:00:03 PM.
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| Posted 3/16/06 6:59 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
Posted by nrthshgrl
If it were me, I'd ask DH tell her that HE doesn't want her there - that he's uncomfortable knowing that she tried to set them up.
I wouldn't tell her who to have in her house but I'd let her know that it makes me feel unwelcome - and as her new DIL, I thought she'd be more welcoming to me on my first seder as part of the family.
Bottom line - if she wants easy grandchild access, she's going to have to learn "She's not THE MAMA!"
You need to work on using Jewish guilt to your advantage.
I agree with this!
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| Posted 3/16/06 7:00 PM |
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Jessica
I'm a mommy :)
Member since 1/06 7322 total posts
Name:
~Jess~
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Re: MIL advice please (sorry for the length)
I don't know what to say except here are some hugs for you.
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| Posted 3/16/06 7:08 PM |
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