Re: Should everyone get equally?

I have lots of experience with this. My grandfather (mother's side) was very ill and my aunt mostly took care of him, went to see him in the nursing home all the time-but my mom didn't. She couldn't handle it emotionally and my aunt knew that. When my grandfather died, he left his money to my aunt since she took care of him. My aunt in turn split it down the middle and gave my mom half. She though that just because my mom couldn't handle seeing him in that state she shouldn't be shut out of the inheritance. She loved him just as much and still misses him dearly.

My grandmother on my father's side got very ill. My aunt decided to keep her in her own apartment and hired 24 hour care (which is very expensive). She ran there almost every day making sure she had everything she needed. She didn't work and didn't have financial obligations since my uncle was a very successful businessman. My dad had to work since my mom was disabled and put in 60 hrs a week plus a commute. He went every weekend though. When my grandmother passed, the money that they all knew was there was mostly gone. In 2 years time almost $3M was gone! My aunt could not produce a will or any other documents stating my grandmother's wishes. A few years back there was a will and everyone knew it. So we did the math and came to conclusion that there was no way $3M could have been spent in 2 years. My aunt decided that since she was the one that ran there almost everyday that she should get the lion's share of the money. Shortly after that, my Dad's company folded and he was left unemployed and 62 years old. My aunt kept about $1.2M and let my parents sell their house and move out of state because they couldn't afford to stay. Meanwhille-they were rolling in it.

Sorry this is so long and I'm sure you all can tell how disturbed I still am at this whole thing. But I think it should be based on need.

I'm better off than my brother and my parents wills have been drawn up to reflect me as the executrix of the wills. (There is really very little there.) My brother wants me to handle the money. Even though I support my parents somewhat now, (thanks aunt), I will always give him his share and if at that time he needs more than me, I will make sure he gets what he needs and what my nephews need.

If everyone has the same financial need-then I believe in equal sharing of the inheritance, but money can break families apart. It did mine. We don't talk to my aunt and uncle now. Very sad.

People should realize that when they bequeath their estates in their wills they should think about how it will effect their heirs.

Re: Should everyone get equally?

WELL This is a touch subject with us.

My dh granparents bought his sister and brother EACH houses down in Florida.. And when it came time for us to buy a house. They "couldn't" help.

It hurts a lot. the relationship with the person handing out the money and the people who got the handouts. (im talking his sister doesnt have a mortgage and neither does his brother)

Re: Should everyone get equally?

Re: Should everyone get equally?

Posted by emilain

Posted by june262004

WELL This is a touch subject with us.

My dh granparents bought his sister and brother EACH houses down in Florida.. And when it came time for us to buy a house. They "couldn't" help.

It hurts a lot. the relationship with the person handing out the money and the people who got the handouts. (im talking his sister doesnt have a mortgage and neither does his brother)

These are the type of things why I say "everyone should get equally". You can't give to one and not the other. I mean, I can see hardships, if a child lost their job and needed a little help, but that help should only last for so long and I think it is so very important to make it clear to the other kids that they could receive help too if ever needed, I just think when too much money and assistance is given it comes across as "mooching" off of others. Crisis situations I can tatlly understand, but if one of my kids needed some help I think I may write a check to the others and say "hey, here's a few bucks to enjoy a vacation with, or get something nice for the house", even if it is not needed, it feels really good to be remembered.

Message edited 4/4/2006 11:35:10 AM.

Re: Should everyone get equally?

In my case things are a little different. My sister got married when she was 26 (in 1996). My parents paid for their entire wedding. My BIL does not come from money at all so his mom was not able to offer anything. Neither my sister nor my BIL were established and did not have anything to offer either. My father's business at the time was doing very well so this wedding did not put a strain on my parents. My mom planned their entire wedding so everyone was happy.
Fast forward to 2004 when I was getting married. DH and I have both been working for a long time. I am an event planner so I knew I wanted to plan my own wedding. My father also no longer owns his own businesss (they went under a few years ago). DH's parents are retired so they live on a fixed income. When DH and I were planning our wedding, we each went to our parents and asked what they were able to contribute. We knew what we were getting into. Out prents together contributed about 1/2 the wedding budget and we paid the remainder. We had a huge wedding and even now, I would never have done anything different. We were very diligent about our budget and what we wanted. We went to every meeting with the budget in mind and were able to choose a large enough weding hall to accomodate the 300 people we were expecting.
There is not a day that goes by that we don't appreciate all our parents did for us. No, my parents are no longer able to do for me what they did for my sister but I have never wanted or needed anything that they have not been able to provide. It has never been a comparison. I waited a lot longer to get married than my sister did. I am also in a lot better financial position than she was or is. I just hope the love is the same, forget the $$ amount.

Re: Should everyone get equally?

I think it should be based on need. If one sibling is struggling and a parent helps them out I don't think it is anyones elses business. I look at it like it is my parents money and they should spend it how ever they like. I know if I needed it and asked they would help me out, so would my siblings... vice versa.

Re: Should everyone get equally?

Re: Should everyone get equally?