Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

How do you handle people who think you need to relax and take a break from it all or just stop trying completely?

I keep getting the "but you're so young" and "you have all the time in the world" and "maybe now is just not the time" speech from people IRL and it just hurts.

How do you handle it?

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

Ignore it.

I know it's difficult, but nobody understands what it feels like unless they are going through it. I have been told by everyone from doctors, to family and friends.

If you need to take a break- only you will know it. For me, to keep going was the only way for me to move forward past the anger, sadness and failures. It always helped to have a plan in motion.

Tell them to take a hike.

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

It used to bother me, but now I just don't discuss it with people who I know won't understand, because it annoys me.

After my 3rd m/c my Dad said, "maybe it's time to stop trying". I know it's b/c he doesn't want me to be upset if I lose another one, I was devastated by the last one.

People that have never dealt with it don't understand where you are or what it takes to go through what you are going through.

We are here for you!

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

Depending on who it is telling me, I either listen, hear what they have to say and think about it, or if it's someone whose opinion I don't think should have an influence on where we are w/TTC , I share less w/ them for a while (if it's someone I actually share/d what we're going through with).
If it was my DH, I would sit down, tell him how I'm feeling and how to me each month that we stop trying is another month that we're not going to have a baby...... and then I will come up w/ my 'next steps' as much as I can (myself, not out loud) and quiet down as far as talking about it.... and that's when I reach out on here more.
It's easy when you're not walking in someone's shoes to tell them what to do with their life.

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

I follow MrsMessina's way - depends on who is saying it, maybe I'll think about it and then move on - it sometimes does get me to at least take a breather and regroup (not take a break from it all, but let my mind relax a little)- that's how I take their advice of "relax", but they don't know what you're feeling or what its like - only you know how you feel and what your path should be.

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

Usually I start off with a general "if only it was that easy" and try to educate them a little (if its a friend). If that doesnt work (and I have friend that it didnt) I basically lost my temper. Kinda let her have it from the "i guess i'm just sticking myself with needles everynight for the joy of it when I SHOULD be on a tropical island somewhere....thanks for your expert medical opinion Dr. So and So. Then I apoligized and blamed it on the hormones

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

It's hard. Like Shannon said, I also consider who is making the comment.

If you have never gone through IF, you do not know what anyone of us is gone through. Sometimes I think people mean well, but do not always know what is the "right" thing to say. And sometimes, there just isn't really a "right" thing to say.

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

My sister is the worst. I know she means well and wants this to happen for me, but she says such stupid things.Just because her friend just had her 2nd baby at 43 and her other friend had her first at 41 she says not to worry when you get their age you too will have a baby. Just don't worry about it, take a break, focus on other things to better your life with,THEN SHE GOES ON SAYING WHAT BRATS HER KIDS ARE AND WHY WOULD I WANT ANY?
thank god for my mother, who tells her to be quiet and tells me not to listen to her.
I handle it by not listening to her. It's true no one truly understands what we are going thru

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

I have been told-Just relax it will happen-

YOU know what YOU don't know that-I hate when people say that. Nothing in life is guaranteed and anyone dealing with IF really knows this for a fact.

I was also recently told-Why don't you just pray to St Gerard and my mom also says this from time to time

And I replied well I have been praying to him and everyone else for quite sometime and it hasn't done anything

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

I have been told "just relax and it will happen" by numerous people as well... It usually frustrates me and makes me want to cry sometimes and other times I cam just shrug it off... Depends on the day and the hormones. People that are on the IF road know that relaxing, not relaxing, etc. doesn't really mean a thing!! Some days are just tougher than others...

I find that talking about it with DH usually helps get it off my chest and then I can move on. He usually knows the right thing to say. Or talking to people on the boards helps a lot too!!

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

Depends on who it is from and if I feel like bothering explaining it to them. Like my Mom who suggested we just relax and "not think about it"...cause yeah, by not thinking I just might suddenly ovulate on my own!! So I explained that to her and she appeared to understand...

As for the age thing, if you are ready now then go for it. We always think we have a lot more time to do things then we do. I was "young" at 33 when we first went to an RE (as he put it). Well, guess what? I'm a month away from 35 now and still no baby!! And we all know what that magic number means!!

Like most things in life, if someone doesn't have IT or experience IT (whatever IT may be) 1st hand, then they just don't know...period!
The second problem is ppl don't know the difference between support and advice. I need support from family and friends right now, not advice, that's what the RE gets paid for!!

Hope my rambling helped!!

Shawnna

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

Ignore it-you are being proactive. Do you tell them to take a break from what they find important-like if they lost a job, should they relax and wait for one to fall in their lap?

People have diarrhea of the mouth-that's the problem. Make it white noise. I am so over people and their stupid opinions, which they can just keep to themselves. It is not like you asked them their opinion!

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

I've only told a handful of friends & NO family at all for this reason. I'm big on other people's opinions going in one ear & out the other. You do what is best for you. It's your & DH's decision to want to try for a baby now. It's a personal decision for the two of you & other people need to shut it.

Re: Does anyone ever tell you to take a break, relax, give up?

never heard that before

Message edited 1/7/2009 10:31:54 PM.