How is your DH dealing with IF?

Mine is laid back sometimes too laid back. He just thinks it will happen eventually . We probably would not have gone to an RE if it wasn't for me.

What is everyone else's DH like???

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

He's being supportive, but I don't think he really "gets" how big this is. Like, he wants to go away the week after next, but if I have the IUI done this month, it might interfere, depending on when I ovulate. Or, we're supposed to go on vacation in Jan., and I just don't know what will be happening then.

I don't think he understands everything the dr. tells us, but he hasn't really asked any questions, either. We got some encouragement from the dr. during our first visit (he basically said if we kept trying, we'd probably be pg in 6 months), so now DH thinks there are definitely no problems, and everything will be fine. This is prior to any testing, bloodwork or HSG results, etc.

Kinda frustrating.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

He is being very supportive but I dont think he realizes just how much i am going through, he just keeps telling himself and me that it will happen, it is a little frustrating sometimes but he is a very laidback guy so I am not too surprised.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

it's kinda like he has blinders on. He keeps saying it'll happen for us - eventually.

I am in the same place the OP is - if i weren't tracking - i wouldn't have known there was an issue and we wouldn't be with an RE now....

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

Ladies, be careful that you think DH is not grasping the situation, he may be keeping things to himself to keep pressure off you. Yes, I know we are women and we want them to share. But that's not how they look at it, and I found that out! I had a fit one day b/c I thought he was just so blase about the whole thing. Meanwhile I'm getting up at 5:15 am for a 6:30 am dr. appt, taking drugs, etc. I ended up crying and accusing him of not feeling it was important. He just said he didn't want to put more pressure on me than I was putting on myself. we ended up talking about everything we were both feeling, the grief, pressure, disappointment and the reality of it may not happen. I was very wrong about what he was or wasn't feeling.

Message edited 9/21/2008 4:18:02 PM.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

I have to say that while I don't think my DH will ever TOTALLY get it, he does the best he can. He gets frustrated, sad and angry but doesn't show it or talk about it to protect me. Even when I try to talk about "what-if's" he backs down b/c he doesn't want me to get my hopes too high and be disappointed later (like during this 2nd half of the TWW). Men, in general, don't like to talk about things they can't control or fix so I think many women in an infertile couple confuse lack of communication with lcak of understanding or interest in what is going on.
That said, I have to say, DH has said some really sweet things to me about how proud he is of me for enduring all the tests, meds and monthly dissapointment...and that he doesn't know any other woman that has my strength. So, he doesn't say a lot, but what he does say is extremely meaningful to me.
Best of luck!
--Shawnna

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

Mine is having just as bad of a time with it as I am. He just hides and it doesn't say much. But sometimes he lets it all lose and I catch him looking so sad when he sees a dad and a young kid.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

I am very fortuante that DH has been completely supportive. He is ALWAYS asking questions about treatments, diagnosis, etc. and also likes to do his own "research" online. He is definitely confident that it will happen for us, but I think he gets frustrated at times - especially when he can't get concrete answers to his questions.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

DH is handling it better then he was in the beginning. Since we are dealing with solely male factor IF, he feels that this is all on him. In the beginning DH was hiding a lot of his feelings from me bc he wanted to be the "stronger" one & that way he could hold me together!

Since we found out that IVF is our next step, he has opened up to me & it truly has helped us. He is very nervous about the entire IVF but after days of conversations, he has come around & is being so supportive.

One thing, do not harp on your DH to let you know his feelings bc it makes him hold it in more.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

My DH has been very supportive so far.

After getting the SA done, he called me at work to tell me the results and he sounded SO SAD. When I asked what was wrong, he said, "I wished it was me" - meaning he wished the problem was within him, so that I wouldn't have to go through the pain/guilt of feeling like it's my fault.

He's offered to go to every doctor's appointment, even for silly things like bloodwork. And he's been very kind and encouraging.

He always supports me when I need him to, and at the same time... gives me space when I need it.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

Posted by sfp0701

Mine is having just as bad of a time with it as I am. He just hides and it doesn't say much. But sometimes he lets it all lose and I catch him looking so sad when he sees a dad and a young kid.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

Most of the time he tells me not to worry- that it will happen, just takes time. He understands how frutrated I am because he's been hearing it for 2 years. Lately, though, he has been opening up more, telling me that he feels so sad for me because it's out of his control. When I call him crying I can hear how frutrated he is because he just wants it to happen already. My cousin mentioned her period in front of him the other day and apologized, thinking he would be grossed out, and he just laughed and said- nah, we are into scientific terms now. He is finally grasping the extent of all of this, and being really supportive.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

DH was supportive in the beginning but I think its starting to take its toll, only because of what it does to me. Plus he has 2 kids from a previous marriage, so I think he's kind of getting to a point where he wants to give up...and he pushes himself only for me.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

My DH must be your DH's twin brother. He is so laid back and sure it will happen. No biggie to him....

Which is frustrating sometimes and the most wonderful thing others...

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

Posted by LaurenExp

DH was supportive in the beginning but I think its starting to take its toll, only because of what it does to me. Plus he has 2 kids from a previous marriage, so I think he's kind of getting to a point where he wants to give up...and he pushes himself only for me.

Re: How is your DH dealing with IF?

he's very supportive, but all of his friends have kids now, he's the only one without any kids, i feel sad for him and for us