Grandma is very depressed..

The doctor called today to speak with my mom (I was at her house when this call happened). The doctor called to discuss how depressed and lonely my Grandma is I have told my mother on multiple occasions to let my Grandma go back to her house but she doesn't even want to entertain this idea. I feel like she would be so much happier in her own house with her own things

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

I'm sorry for your Grandma, Kathleen. My Grandpa seems to have days where he gets very depressed too. There's nothing we want more than to see him come home, but we know we can't provide the 24/7 care that he needs right now.

The best advice I can offer is to visit her as often as possible so she knows you're thinking of her, or at least call frequently. Try to make her room "home for now" with pictures of family, Get Well cards, flowers/plants, and some of her favorite things from home. My mom (his daughter) also decorates his room for every upcoming holiday so it doesn't look so dreary. My Grandpa is a Yankees fan, my aunt bought him a new hat and my Grandma brought him his pillow from home. Also, try to get your Grandma socially involved so she has friends there while no one is visiting. This is something we try to do with Grandpa and he's resistant, but hopefully your Grandma will be more cooperative.

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Ironically she does have a old friend there from her building and this lady is actually on her floor. She is going to social functions there. My mom was really hoping that she would perk up once she got there

Thanks Cindy

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

I'm sorry to hear that your grandma is depressed.

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

I am so sorry to hear that your Grandma is depressed It is so hard to see that.

I have to agree with the above poster, when my nanny was in the nursing home, we would make it a point to make it as close to her house as we could. There were pictures of us all over the place & we use to bring her flowers all the time. Whenever we came, we would bring a movie to watch (one that she liked) & even brought my brother's wedding video (she missed it) so she could see it. We were not able to call her daily bc she could not speak towards the end but just knowing you were there was something that brought a smile to her face.

Definately try to get there or at least one family member daily to see her. If you can't make it there, call her, send her cards. When you do go, spend sometime in the room but then try to go out to a hallway so she doesn't feel "trapped" in her room. Ask her questions about the functions & sometimes you can bring them out for lunch. If there are specific food things she likes, bring them...I am always here to chat!!!

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

I am so sorry to hear that, Kathleen. Is your grandmother able to go out on a pass? When DH's grandmother was in a rehab home, she was able to go out for a few hours. This seemed to really help her.

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

so...why don;t yo take her to your house for a visit? SNF are very depressing wich one is she at? A chnge of scenery is alwas helpful, or jut constat things to look forward to.

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

aw im so sorry to hear this. I agree with the other girls, maybe try bringing her things from home, and call/visit as much as possible.

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

We can't take her out apparently

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Posted by beautyq115

We can't take her out apparently

Message edited 3/22/2008 9:50:47 PM.

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Im sorry sweetie !! My Grandparents are the same my grandma is all alone and my other grandparents just sleep all the time its so hard to see them like this

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

that stinks
have you guys looked into home health aids at all?? my grandmom was in a nursing home for awhile because she had a stroke- she was miserable there ( and actually got kicked out- long story!! )
we were able to find an agency that provides live-in aids that were with her in her house 24/7. it sounds expensive, but with the rates nursing homes charge, it ended up being the same cost, or not much more... and she was so much happier being in her own home. unfortunately, she passed away in february, but it was nice knowing she was comfortable for her last few months...

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Posted by ml110

that stinks
have you guys looked into home health aids at all?? my grandmom was in a nursing home for awhile because she had a stroke- she was miserable there ( and actually got kicked out- long story!! )
we were able to find an agency that provides live-in aids that were with her in her house 24/7. it sounds expensive, but with the rates nursing homes charge, it ended up being the same cost, or not much more... and she was so much happier being in her own home. unfortunately, she passed away in february, but it was nice knowing she was comfortable for her last few months...

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

It's much harder to manage a person that needs 24/7 care at home. You have to manage the home health care workers and oversee everything and still take care of the house to some extent. I understand your mom's reluctance to do that. In a nursing facility there is peace of mind that if something happens, they can take care of it right then and there.

Kathleen, is this a permanent situation for your grandma or just until she's better?

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Posted by emilain

Posted by beautyq115

We can't take her out apparently

that is absolutely NOT true, it is not jail, the DOH allows for passes, you could take her on vacation for a week or more if you wanted her. Who are tey to sa you can't take her, what if you wanted to take her home to care for her yourself? I deal with inspections of SNFs, please FM me if you have any questions/concerns.

ETA- some homes will tell you ou can't take the resident because it is alot of paperwork for them (getting meds together to take with family, signing them out, transfer requests, etc) so they will tell you that you can't just so it serves their needs, BUT YOU CAN!!!!!!

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Posted by beautyq115

Posted by Blu-ize

It's much harder to manage a person that needs 24/7 care at home. You have to manage the home health care workers and oversee everything and still take care of the house to some extent. I understand your mom's reluctance to do that. In a nursing facility there is peace of mind that if something happens, they can take care of it right then and there.

Kathleen, is this a permanent situation for your grandma or just until she's better?

Unfortunetely it's permanent...She is in her 90's and paralyzed on one side

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Posted by Blu-ize

Posted by beautyq115

Posted by Blu-ize

It's much harder to manage a person that needs 24/7 care at home. You have to manage the home health care workers and oversee everything and still take care of the house to some extent. I understand your mom's reluctance to do that. In a nursing facility there is peace of mind that if something happens, they can take care of it right then and there.

Kathleen, is this a permanent situation for your grandma or just until she's better?

Unfortunetely it's permanent...She is in her 90's and paralyzed on one side

I'm so sorry. Please continue to advocate on her behalf. You have to become her care manager. Please make sure your presence is known there often..make sure she gets vistors often and push to arrange taking her out for lunch or dinner or to see family for the day. Keep in mind that her stamina may be low so not too much at one time.
Make sure she doesn't "rot" in her room. You're doing everything you can and please don't think you're not. I know it's a helpless feeling.

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

why can't she come out for the day or for lunch? Your mom has to demand it.

Of course everyone would want to stay home as long as possible.

what about moving her in with your mom? Is their room? Is there enough support?

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Oh Kathleen, I'm so sorry for your Grandma. Is she bed-ridden or is she able to get into a wheelchair? Even if someone has to pick her up and move her, is she able to sit in a wheelchair? We just took my Grandpa out for the holiday yesterday and it was so nice, not only for him but for us to see him out of the nursing home.

I hope you can do this for your Grandma, and may be a good compromise between you and your mom.

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Kathleen

I hate to put the pressure on you, but since you seem to have an insightfulness into your grandmother's "way of thinking", you should act fast, it would be horrible if something happened to her and you thought she was unhappy and you felt you weren't proactive enough in taking care of her emotional well being.

Message edited 3/24/2008 6:57:29 PM.

Re: Grandma is very depressed..

Kathleen, I'm so sorry to hear that. My grandfather had a stroke and was partially paralyzed on one side and could not speak, but he was able to still live on his own. Toward the end of his life, he was in a nursing home and I could tell he really didn't like it. I hope your mom comes around and thinks about letting your grandma live in her own home again.