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robynfs
12/6/10!!
Member since 9/05 4947 total posts
Name:
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With all this cheating talk...
I can't help but feel it's easy to say what you would do, or wouldn't do when you haven't gone through the situation.
As someone who has gone through it and loved her husband more than anything...until you live the pain, grief, humiliation, abandonment, loss etc. and are faced with starting over and facing the world alone after whatever number of years together....I don't think you can assume how you would react and act or judge anyone.
However hard you think it could be...it's harder!
Message edited 3/11/2008 12:14:12 PM.
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Posted 3/11/08 12:13 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
Name:
Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
Posted by robynfs
I can't help but feel it's easy to say what you would do, or wouldn't do when you haven't gone through the situation.
As someone who has gone through it and loved her husband more than anything...until you live the pain, grief, humiliation, abandonment, loss etc. and are faced with starting over and facing the world alone after whatever number of years together....I don't think you can assume how you would react and act or judge anyone.
However hard you think it could be...it's harder!
ITA and thank you for posting this!
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:16 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
While I certainly don't know the pain of having my DH cheat on me, I have in the past been cheated on and felt all the above mentioned emotions.
I am truly sorry for you and the experience you had but to say if you've never been through it you can't possibly understand is just not fair.
IMO, as humans we do have the ability to sympathize and empathize.
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:17 PM |
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Kissy331
My two miracles!
Member since 5/06 17826 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
totally agree...Even though I went through it, I was not married. To this day, I still can't even describe the pain or the hurt....
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:17 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
I agree.
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:17 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
I agree.
It's always easy to stand back and watch someone else do something and think how you could handle it better.
You never know until you are in their shoes.
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:18 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
Posted by Jennie0898
I am truly sorry for you and the experience you had but to say if you've never been through it you can't possibly understand is just not fair.
IMO, as humans we do have the ability to sympathize and empathize.
If you haven't been through it you can SYMPATHIZE - meaning you feel sorry for the person.
But you can't EMPATHIZE - that means you feel just like the other person.
You cannot feel the same way as someone unless you go through it yourself.
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:20 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
Posted by leighla
Posted by Jennie0898
I am truly sorry for you and the experience you had but to say if you've never been through it you can't possibly understand is just not fair.
IMO, as humans we do have the ability to sympathize and empathize.
If you haven't been through it you can SYMPATHIZE - meaning you feel sorry for the person.
But you can't EMPATHIZE - that means you feel just like the other person.
You cannot feel the same way as someone unless you go through it yourself.
But I'm saying I have been cheated on and so of course I felt hurt, humiliated, abandoned etc. I don't agree that it has to be your husband to feel these emotions, therefore I can empathize with the OP.
This is of course just one person's opinion.
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:23 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
Posted by leighla
Posted by Jennie0898
I am truly sorry for you and the experience you had but to say if you've never been through it you can't possibly understand is just not fair.
IMO, as humans we do have the ability to sympathize and empathize.
If you haven't been through it you can SYMPATHIZE - meaning you feel sorry for the person.
But you can't EMPATHIZE - that means you feel just like the other person.
You cannot feel the same way as someone unless you go through it yourself.
I agree.
it's even hard for people who have been in a similar situation to fully empathize b/c it's never the SAME situation. the way your heart breaks is just as subjective as the way it loves.
I am sorry Robyn.
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:24 PM |
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robynfs
12/6/10!!
Member since 9/05 4947 total posts
Name:
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
Posted by leighla
Posted by Jennie0898
I am truly sorry for you and the experience you had but to say if you've never been through it you can't possibly understand is just not fair.
IMO, as humans we do have the ability to sympathize and empathize.
If you haven't been through it you can SYMPATHIZE - meaning you feel sorry for the person.
But you can't EMPATHIZE - that means you feel just like the other person.
You cannot feel the same way as someone unless you go through it yourself.
I agree...You can't truly appreciate what a spouse feels when their partner for "life" is unfaithful. Just as you can't really understand when someone loses a parent or spouse if you have never experienced that loss. You can sympathize and be there for support but you really don't know.
The point is, I feel we shouldn't be judging or making all these assumptions about what we would do when we haven't lived it. When you haven't lived it you are talking with your brain...when you are "in" it...you have your heart to deal with too!
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:25 PM |
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robynfs
12/6/10!!
Member since 9/05 4947 total posts
Name:
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
Posted by Jennie0898
Posted by leighla
Posted by Jennie0898
I am truly sorry for you and the experience you had but to say if you've never been through it you can't possibly understand is just not fair.
IMO, as humans we do have the ability to sympathize and empathize.
If you haven't been through it you can SYMPATHIZE - meaning you feel sorry for the person.
But you can't EMPATHIZE - that means you feel just like the other person.
You cannot feel the same way as someone unless you go through it yourself.
But I'm saying I have been cheated on and so of course I felt hurt, humiliated, abandoned etc. I don't agree that it has to be your husband to feel these emotions, therefore I can empathize with the OP.
This is of course just one person's opinion.
This is extremely painful and I by no means wish to discount that. However, when you stand up in front of 200+ people and express your love and desire to spend the rest of your life with someone, the experience is slightly different. For some it may be similar and therefore they can relate, but for many you just can't imagine how a cheating husband effects every aspect of your life for the rest of your life...whether you stay or not!
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:29 PM |
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robynfs
12/6/10!!
Member since 9/05 4947 total posts
Name:
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
Posted by Ophelia
I agree.
it's even hard for people who have been in a similar situation to fully empathize b/c it's never the SAME situation. the way your heart breaks is just as subjective as the way it loves.
I am sorry Robyn.
Thank you...now off to therapy I go 
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:31 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
I agree, that is why I say, I do not know how I would react becaause I have not been in that situation
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:41 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: With all this cheating talk...
I agree and I dont think anyone truly knows..I really dont believe that.
I had friends who were strong independant people who left cheaters int he past and said they would be gone in 5 minutes flat and they stayed when it happened to them.
That showed me , you never know.
I cant possibly imagine what I would feel like , because it hasnt happened.
Like anything in this world, you cannot understand or imagine certain things.
Most people probably WOULD do what they say they would do , but theres no definite.
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| Posted 3/11/08 12:48 PM |
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