My story to cope with my loss (very long)

My story...
AF was due 2/12. I POAS Valentine's Day at 5 am. I AM PREGNANT! I woke my husband up and told him to look in the bathroom. He and I were very excited and happy. We were full of wonderful emotions. We tell only our immediate family of our greatest news. Everything is going great until I wake up on 2/25. I wake up and go to the bathroom and notice that there is blood (bright pink/red) on the toliet paper (sorry TMI). I ignore the incident in the bathroom until I get to work later that morning. I call my doc and he says he is unavailable to see me as he has an emergency but would be able to see me the following day or says that if I feel the need to go to the hospital, go to the ER. After the phone conversation, I got extremely emotional and notified my supervisor that I am going to the ER. I sign in at the hospital and call my dh. He arrives about 1/2 hour after I signed in. We wait about 5 hours and I finally get called to the back to see a doctor. The nurse asks me why I am at the ER and I told her I am pregnant and bleeding. She takes my urine and take my blood. It is confirmed that I am pregnant. I wait about 5 hours more then I go for an ultrasound. In the ultrasound room the technician is unable to locate anything and calls in the resident doc and doc on call to request a vaginal ultrasound. During the vaginal ultrasound, they notice there are no signs of pregnancy in my uterus (no gestinational sac) but noticed that my baby is located in my left fallopian tube. They call it an ectopic pregnancy. That was the most devastating moment of both my and my dh's lives. I start crying uncontrollably because during the sonogram, we see the baby's heart beating. I think it would have helped if I never would have looked, it makes this whole process harder to deal with, makes it seem more real. So we eventually go back to the ER and wait for the results of the sonograms and the bloodwork. My husband and I have now been at the hospital for 12 hours. They admit me to the hospital and take me to my room. I have not stopped crying since the ultrasound and I am still crying now, as I have never been away from my husband and I have never been admitted to a hospital before and I do not understand why this happened to me. So they take more blood and I decide to attempt to go to sleep. My husband goes home and will return in the morning. I wake up the next day to more blood being taken and I go for another vaginal sonogram. It is confirmed. It is an ectopic preganancy and the baby's heart is still beating. I go back to the room and call my husband. He stays with me all morning, then early afternoon I go to surgery. In the operating room the doc performs a laparoscopy and I finally get to go home. The end to my story is this...I wake up one morning and I am pregnant, but go to sleep that night not pregnant. I had no time to even comprehend what was going on with me. My dh and I were thrown into this with no hope of saving the life of our unborn baby. We are beginning now (1 week after our baby was taken from us) to understand and try to come to terms with GOD that all things happen for a reason, what reason, we do not know, but GOD did not want our baby to survive. We just do not know why this happened to us. The pain of losing our baby is devastating and extremely painful. There are so many people that get the joy of being involved with the miracle of child birth that do not deserve it. Drug addicts, dead beat parents, etc. It is just so hard.

I want to thank everyone who takes the time to read this and want to apologize for the length of this post.

Just writing this has helped with my pain.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry, no we do not know why things ahppen. But having faith in something, snything sometimes makes the healing process easier.

Take your time, you and your DH need time to heal, and then you can try for another in the future.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

My Angel Baby

To the baby that I carried
But never seen your eyes
Or tell you how much I loved you
Or ever to hear your cries.

You will never be forgotten
The excitement we had for your coming.
When I realized I'd never hold you,
The feeling I had was numbing.
My angel baby is who you are.
My angel baby you'll always be.
Your loving memory will live in my heart
So you will always be right here with me.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a m/c a few weeks ago & it's really tough to cope with.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I'm soo sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I know you are hurting.

I've had two miscarriages and have to have faith that the new pregnancy will result in a healthy baby. I have faith yours will too. I don't believe that God didn't want both our babies to survive, I believe that sometimes bad things happen to good people.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss. The stress and pain must be astounding. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and DH.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

so sorry for your loss

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I'm very sorry for your loss

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

So sorry for you and DH's loss

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss My MIL had an etopic pregnacy also .

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss. My best friend just recently went threw an ectopic as well. She has the same feelings, woke up pregnant went to sleep not pregnant and lost her left tube in the process. It is devastating. I hope you find the courage to cope and pass this. Some things do happen for a reason, perhaps something worse could have happened. I wish you and your husband strength and wish you the best in the future

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

i'm so sorry for your loss.....i had a m/c when i was 5 months in jan...and i know how painful it can be....but you will get better..

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I'm sorry for your loos. I know how you are feeling. I have a m/c and a D&C four weeks ago.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I'm sorry. The only thing that I can say, is what my BF told me after my D&C....

Some babies are just too precious to leave heaven. They are little angels and belong in heaven

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I have tears in my eyes after reading your story. I am so sorry for what you and your DH are going through. It is nt fair for anyone to have to deal with this. Sometimes I just dont understand why things like that have to happen.
i will keep you in my prayers during this horrible time.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I don't understand why these things happen either, I wish I did. Just take the time you need to heal. Feel better soon.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

Sorry for your loss.