How would you handle this?

I have been in my current apartment for the last 6 months. Most of my neighbors have been here 20+ years, including my next door neighbor, an elderly woman who lives alone. I've had several encounters with her including her coming over to introduce herself when we moved in. I've noticed a few things that were "odd" but thought she was just a bit eccentric. She has a home health aide and recently had a threat to evict notice on her door saying she failed to pay Nov and Dec rent and that in 3 days, they would start the eviction process. She's still here so I think her family took care of it.

After a disturbing encounter with her on Monday, it became very clear to me that she has Alzheimer's. My grandmother had it and I know the disease all too well. She's still lucid at times (which is the saddest part) so she curses her aide out in the hallway because she thinks she doesnt need her and cant "trust" her.

I spoke with one of our doormen last night and he said yes, he knows, it's so sad and that her family knows that she's not right, hence the aide. He also said "thank god she stopped smoking". My fear is that she probably shouldnt be in that apartment alone anymore. I fear for her safety and I fear for ours now. She could light a cigarette or the stove and forget.

How do I handle this? Do I speak to our other next-door neighbor who has known her for years? Do I wait and try to speak with the aide or her family, who I've only seen 1 or 2 times. Do I call the management company? I truly don't want to pry or make trouble for this poor woman but I am genuinely scared for her and for us living next door.

Re: How would you handle this?

What a sticky situation.

The aide isn't there all the time? Maybe talk to the aide. Im sorry!

Re: How would you handle this?

I would talk to your other neighbor first. Since you don't the family or the total situation, you should get all the facts before you do anything else. She may have round the clock care, her family may be looking for a place for her, you don't know. I would definitely wait on talking to the aide or the family.

Re: How would you handle this?

Re: How would you handle this?

Normally I would say dont bud in but since you fear for your own safety (are you sure she is still smoking?) then I would try to talk to the aide or family.

Re: How would you handle this?

Re: How would you handle this?

Wow.. This is a tough (really tough situation) to be in. I would somehow try to get in touch with the family regardless if I feared for my own safety or not. If it was my mom I would want someone to get in touch with me. Apparently if this aide is not hired full time, then I am assuming the family doesn't know how bad this ladys condition is. I dont think I would be able to live with myself if this was happening right next door to me to a woman who is obviously helpless. My first step would be to try to get in touch with the aide to get a family contact. If that attempt was unsuccessful, I would then contact social services.

Re: How would you handle this?

Re: How would you handle this?

Posted by Salason

The aide definitely does not appear to be round the clock. The other thing is, with family sometimes you dont know how bad it is if you're not there 24/7. With my grandmother, we knew she was getting senile but when her landlord called and told us she was dressed up at 1am in her apartment and he had even seen her leave in the middle of the night, we moved her out and in with us immediately because she was posing a danger to herself. I don't know to what extent the family realizes how bad things have gotten Maybe you're right though, the neighbors are a good place to start. I just don't know how to even bring it up to them.

Re: How would you handle this?

Re: How would you handle this?

i would talk to the aide first to get a "feel" for how much the family knows

then try to talk to the family about it - i can almost guarantee that they dont know how bad she is. i am almost embarassed to admit how long we were in denial about my grandmother - including fighting with social security about not delivering her checks ( which was hiding in a HOLE in her wall! )

for her safety and for everyones safety i think that you should really try to alert them to the situation

good luck this is a tough one!

Re: How would you handle this?

I would see how you could contact the family. My grandpa had Alzheimers and one night in the middle of a bad NY winter he went out in his long john's and a coat and was walking along woodhaven blvd. Luckily 2 garbagemen saw him walking along IN THE STREET and picked him up- they brought him to the police. He walked right out the door w/ my grandma fast asleep and she never knew he was gone until she woke up when the police called her around 3am.
Within a short while after that he tried to light the stove to light a cigarette--- and the walked out of the room and left the gas running... my dad was sleeping over that night and came downstairs because he smelled gas. Sadly after that, my grandpa ended up in a veteran's home... not at all where we wanted to see him but it was clear that my grandma couldn't give him the care that he needed. At least he had 24 hours surveillence there.
You have to be worried for her-- but if you live right near her you have to be worried for you as well. Who's to say she won't do something like my grandpa did w/ the stove... she's not just a threat to herself.

Re: How would you handle this?

I would try talking to the neighbor and maybe family. My aunt had Alzheimers and she was living in an apt. in a relatives house. She put the stove on to make pasta, and totally forgot about it. Thank Goodness my other Aunt walked in when she did.
That's when my relatives all decided to put her in a nursing home. She was elderly (in her early 80's) and passed away a few years ago. It's such a sad disease.

Definitley be concerned about your safety and the safety of others. Start talking to people. It def. won't hurt.

Re: How would you handle this?

We've had some related situations with tenants in our building. Speak to the board/management company. I know they've gotten involved and approached the family with the situations here. In at least one instance that I am aware of, the family took the mother out of the building. I don't know where you are located, and they may not be of any help, but I always contact APS (adult protective services) to cover my *** if I feel a client is really a danger to them selves/others and my hands are tied.