My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

DH and I were out last night having dinner at the fine establishment known as Applebees. They sat us at one of the tables surrounding the bar as there were no other seats for us. We were pretty much minding our own business when we saw the main reason why we will pray for boys when we have kids.

There was a man at the bar, complete with two pinky rings who was hitting on each and every thing with boobs and hips. He was sleazy and gross. Now DH and I are fun-loving people and far from prudes, but I couldn't help but think that if we had a daughter, we would worry that a loser like this guy would set his sights on her. At this point, DH and I looked at each other and I said to him "We need to have boys."

His feeling is:

"When you have a boy, you worry about the boy but when you have a girl, you worry about ALL the boys."

Don't get me wrong. I would love to have a daughter and DH would love a daughter. We would have to work EXTREMELY hard to instill a sense of confidence and chastity (as unrealistic as it may be) in all of our children (male AND female), but nowadays, sexuality is all around us. Kids have a developed sense of sexuality long before we ever did and I would fear that in a moment of weakness, a poor decision would be made. It happens all the time. It almost happened with US 19 years ago when one night of too much alcohol brought us together.

Does anyone else think about this? Or do I think too much.

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

yup- I'm right there with ya. I watch my niece and nephew and think about the type of world that I would be bringing a child into. Though I have to hope that we'd do the best that we could to instill all of the right values in our children the way our parents did in us. But there are so many terrible people in the world today.
But yet, if I could only have 1 child, I think I'd want a girl. don't get me wrong- I'd want a girl or a boy as long as they came out healthy but if someone said to me they'll come out completely healthy and you can only have one- which would you choose- I'd still pick a girl. I have so much fun buying clothes and toys for my niece--- and I long for that all of the time. I have tremendous fun w/ my nephews as well, but a different kind of fun.
If I could have more than 1 then I'd want a boy first, then a girl, so my daughter could have an older brother growing up to look out for her, the way I did.

Message edited 12/15/2007 10:52:16 AM.

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

you are not alone in your fears! DH is dying for a daddys girl, and I'm always quick to point out situations like the one you described. I fear so many things about having girls (one of which, being like me when I was a young adolecent/adult!)

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

I have 2 teenaged nieces (14 and 16) and a teenaged nephew (15) and they just seem so much more sophisticated than I was at their age. I mean if you think about it, when the girls go for annual check ups at their pediatrician, they are offered Gardasil to guard them against a virus that is transmitted sexually and could give them cancer. Even if they stay virgins until they marry, a parent has to explain this to them. They shouldn't have to think about that as a teenager. But if we don't teach that to them, we are doing them a terrible disservice. It is almost like their innocence is stolen before it really is.

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

I personally would love to have a girl. I have 5 nieces and I am close with all of them and know that as high school and college aged kids they are responsible and confidant. However DH wants NOTHING to do with have a girl for the exact reasons you stated.

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

I think some guys know how THEY would be as a teenaged guy around a pretty teenaged girl and would more than likely want to pulverize any guy who looked at their daughter in a sexual way.

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

We already have a 2 year old daughter. My DH swears that as soon as she gets to the teenage years, he's getting a gun. He says he's not going to load it, but he wants the threat to be there

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

DH is built like a defensive line man (and that is what he plays in his football league). I am hoping we can use intimidation tactics as well.

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

God help my daughter if I'm blessed with one b/c DH will do his best to intimidate any sleazeball that sets his sights on her. There is certainly a lot of yucky out there and you just never know (I've signed up for MySpace to check out what my little teenage cousins are up to and while potentially innocent - it's also quite alarming!)

Anyway, my goal is to do my best - while DH will spend his time protecting any daughter (aka scaring the crap out of men that come near her), I'll spend my time given her all the right tools - making sure she has a healthy self-image, confidence and a voice to protect herself.

Message edited 12/15/2007 12:10:48 PM.

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

My husband and i have discussed the same things. We think the sexualization of young girls is disgusting these days. You will not see any belly shirts or halters on our little girls. Also we are against dating exclusively iuntil at least 16. In groups is fine but not one on one. We have seen too many miserable wives that were once 14 year old girls with a serious boyfriend. We may be naive but this is our goal

ETA: My DH is 6'4 so I'm sure intimidation will pay a role at one point or another if we have a girl

Message edited 12/15/2007 1:56:54 PM.

Re: My fears for my not-yet conceived children (long)

My fear is that no matter what I try to instill in my child, once they hit a certain age they will do what they want. so many kids doing really bad things at really young ages.