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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Spinoff: Forgivness
A lot of people say that they can forgive but not forget...
Do you really think that real forgiveness can happen without some forgetting?
I guess my thought here was if you aren't forgetting....does that mean you are holding on to a grudge?
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Posted 10/27/05 2:13 PM  |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
I think it means that you are forgiving the offense, BUT you're not going to forget what happened, and might be leery of certain situations in the future. I wouldn't say it's holding a grudge; i think I'd call it "being cautious."
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:19 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Posted by Shorty
I think it means that you are forgiving the offense, BUT you're not going to forget what happened, and might be leery of certain situations in the future. I wouldn't say it's holding a grudge; i think I'd call it "being cautious."
ok i see yoru point but then do you consider it real forgiving?
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:21 PM |
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NS1976
My princess!
Member since 5/05 6548 total posts
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Once someone hurts me, I cannot forget. Hence, I have a hard time forgiving in the first place. From my experience, if I try to forgive and forget, it usually turns out bad and we wind up fighting again.
With family, I force myself to forget certain things because I realize I NEED these people in my life for better or worse...so its a bit different.
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:25 PM |
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baghag
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
I think you can forgive but not forget if you are able to not let the disagreement influence your future decisions with that person too much.
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:30 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Posted by baghag
I think you can forgive but not forget if you are able to not let the disagreement influence your future decisions with that person too much.
that is VERY hard for me....
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:32 PM |
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BabyAvocado
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
If you have to come out and say that you'll "never forget" that's not true forgiveness, IMO. Obviously you'll never forget if you were really wronged so to stress the point that you won't forget is like saying "yeah I forgive you, but I will still hold a tiny grudge".
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:33 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
I can forgive but not forget...I am not adle minded where you can wipe the slate clean and have everything go away. But if I decide someone is important enough to me to forgive then I am not going to waste energy holding onto the grudge. If I were inclined to do that I don't think I would bother forgiving the action or maintain the relationship.
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:35 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Posted by BabyAvocado
If you have to come out and say that you'll "never forget" that's not true forgiveness, IMO. Obviously you'll never forget if you were really wronged so to stress the point that you won't forget is like saying "yeah I forgive you, but I will still hold a tiny grudge".
that is what i think!
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:35 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Posted by Christine
I can forgive but not forget...I am not adle minded where you can wipe the slate clean and have everything go away. But if I decide someone is important enough to me to forgive then I am not going to waste energy holding onto the grudge. If I were inclined to do that I don't think I would bother forgiving the action or maintain the relationship.
i see your point but i wouldnt think any kind of real forgiveness is an immediate wiping the slate clean.
That is why when people say forgive but not forget...
I just do not see that as real forgiveness. I feel that it may be a process towards forgiveness
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:36 PM |
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DonnaJoe708
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
I think you can forgive to a certain extent without forgetting the offense. For me, it's very difficult to get past it when people wrong me, but if it's someone who's going to be in my life whether I like it or not (ie MIL), I try to just move on, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten what they've done to me or that I'll fully trust them again.
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:38 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
i think you can forgive without forgetting. i dont think that 'not forgetting' equals holding a grudge. i just feel like its similar to every other experience in life- it teaches you a lesson, and we learn from our experiences. it doesnt mean that specific lesson guides our every decision or is in our active thoughts, but it kind of teaches you for next time.
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:38 PM |
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dpli
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D
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Posted by baghag
I think you can forgive but not forget if you are able to not let the disagreement influence your future decisions with that person too much.
I agree with this point. I have had people hurt me and say things to me that were awful, but have gotten over it and still have a wonderful relationship with them. I don't really forget anything, because it did happen, and I don't have sudden amnesia. But, if time heals the hurt and the person is sorry for it, I think I can forgive them and move on without forgetting it happened.
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:41 PM |
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Diane
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Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Posted by Shorty
I think it means that you are forgiving the offense, BUT you're not going to forget what happened, and might be leery of certain situations in the future. I wouldn't say it's holding a grudge; i think I'd call it "being cautious."
I agree
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:44 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Posted by Redhead
Posted by Christine
I can forgive but not forget...I am not adle minded where you can wipe the slate clean and have everything go away. But if I decide someone is important enough to me to forgive then I am not going to waste energy holding onto the grudge. If I were inclined to do that I don't think I would bother forgiving the action or maintain the relationship.
i see your point but i wouldnt think any kind of real forgiveness is an immediate wiping the slate clean.
That is why when people say forgive but not forget...
I just do not see that as real forgiveness. I feel that it may be a process towards forgiveness
The wiping the slate clean reference was meant to be towards forgetting. I think forgiveness has a process and that yes you can truly forgive someone even though you are going to remember it happened.
Once one of my friends said the meanest thing possible to me that I literally burst into tears the second the words came out of her mouth. I have since forgiven what she said since she truly did not intend to hurt me but I didn't forget it because it did in fact happen.
Maybe intent has something to do with it? I mean it's not as hard to forgive someone for hurting you if it was accidental.
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:44 PM |
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oneday
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Member since 5/05 4319 total posts
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Pam
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Posted by Christine
The wiping the slate clean reference was meant to be towards forgetting. I think forgiveness has a process and that yes you can truly forgive someone even though you are going to remember it happened.
Once one of my friends said the meanest thing possible to me that I literally burst into tears the second the words came out of her mouth. I have since forgiven what she said since she truly did not intend to hurt me but I didn't forget it because it did in fact happen.
Maybe intent has something to do with it? I mean it's not as hard to forgive someone for hurting you if it was accidental.
I agree! I was sitting here trying to think, "Do I still hold a grudge when I don't forget?" (cause I feel like I rarely do.) and I came up with a similar sinario with my best friend. I was soo mad and sooo hurt when it happened, and it was experience from like 20 years ago, and although I still remember it, I remember it and can laugh about it - and we are still best friends.
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:47 PM |
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baghag
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Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
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Re: Spinoff: Forgivness
Posted by Redhead
Posted by baghag
I think you can forgive but not forget if you are able to not let the disagreement influence your future decisions with that person too much.
that is VERY hard for me....
A long time ago, I hurt a friend of mine very badly. Since then, I have worked really hard to earn her trust and friendship back. It has taken a long time and a lot of effort to patch things up. I'm sure she has moments when she is wary of me, but I don't think it is on her mind every time we speak, and I believe she is reasonably sure I will not make the same mistakes.
I guess my point is that we are moving past it, and the true forgiveness you are talking about- completely forgetting everything, is not necessary for us to be friends.
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| Posted 10/27/05 2:48 PM |
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