Don't know where to go with this one.... Can I vent?

My situation may be somewhat difficult to understand, but I figured I would try here anyway. I always tend to be private but I am having a hard time dealing with this situation.

Long story short, I have been married for 2 plus years and I am so wanting a baby.


Though DH and I are happy together we have had a rough couple of years: early on in our marriage I had a family crisis, my DH has been struggling to find a career path, I am currently in a career transition.... Needless to say, finances have not been so great. I grew up in a financially unstable household so things are starting to worry me. In addition to all of this, I have very long cycles and I am currently wondering if this will be a long process.

I am really having a hard time dealing with all of my bitterness/jealousy at seeing others close to us have a baby. I always think and wonder why we can't be in a similar situation. This really eats me up inside and destroys my self-esteem. We are currently on a whatever happens happens basis but I am beginning to feel that with all of our (bad) luck it will not be an easy road. My main problem is the hurt I feel with people just thinking we are not "ready" and figuring this is an easy situation for us both. Our hearts are more than ready, but certain situations have taken place that are beyond our control.



Anyways, I am just wondering if anybody has ever felt the same. I guess I am so down on myself right now considering I am still waiting for AF to show up after 45 days.

I just needed to vent.
Thanks for listening to this long drawn out mess.

Message edited 12/1/2006 10:14:00 PM.

Re: Don't know where to go with this one.... Can I vent?

Hi Kathleen,

First of all, your post was not a long drawn out mess. This is what these boards are for; you can vent here anytime!

I am sorry you are going through a tough time. I know all too well how it feels to see good things come so easily for other people. It is normal to be left wondering when it will be "your turn". I think everybody does that sometimes; I know I do.

I am starting to learn in my own life (through my ttc struggles) that just because your life isn't the fairy tale you wrote for yourself when you were 6 years old, doesn't mean it can't have a happy ending. As little girls, we are taught to think we will grow up, meet a prince, buy a house, have babies and live happily ever after. No where in anyone's fairy tale are money or fertility troubles, but those chapters get added anyway.

Whether you are "ready" is no one's business but your own. It hurts to want a baby and not be able to have one, for any reason. That hurt is very real.

You mentioned being on day 45 of your cycle. Have you taken a pregnancy test yet? Maybe you should.

One way or the other, here is what I think. No one is ever really "ready" to have a baby, but millions of people have done it before you and millions will do it after you. People just figure it out. They HAVE to. You will too.


...and you thought your post was long!

Re: Don't know where to go with this one.... Can I vent?

Thanks for the response, it made me feel a bit better.

And yes I did test two times both BFN. I have very long cycles another potential issue.

Re: Don't know where to go with this one.... Can I vent?

I also have very long cycles-mine vary from 35 to 47 days. At my last check up a couple of months ago I mentioned it to my doctor and she did some blood work. they diagnosed me with PCOS. She told me that it would probably take time for me to get pregnant because it will be hard to figure out when I am ovulating. I got pregnant on the first try with baby number one so I am hopeful for baby #2.

Getting pregnant can be a long process but you and DH just have to be supportive of each other. If you really want to get pregnant soon I would suggest going to the doctor and mentioning your cycles. You can also start tracking your BBT so that when you are officially trying you'll have a better idea of when you are ovulating. Good luck to you and feel free to vent away or ask any questions that you may have. That's what we are all here for.

Re: Don't know where to go with this one.... Can I vent?

Generally speaking, a short cycle for me is 32 days. Normally 36-38 So imagine my shock that one month randomly I had a perfect 28 day cycle...the next month I was pregnant. We weren't genuinely TTC either. It is totally possible for it to happen all on it's own. You simply have to relax and learn to not let life stress you out.

As for $$$, well, we aren't exactly Rockefellers and probably could've held off a few more years but life happens and we're thrilled that we can make our family grow. [I feared I would not be able to have another child b/c of my odd cycles] Just have faith in yourself and see a dr. about the long cycles, likely they'll help you figure out when/if you are ovulating and that can help with getting pregnant.

Life happens for a reason and most of it is out of our control, you just have to be able to make the most out of whatever you get. The most important thing is to stay positive no matter what.

Re: Don't know where to go with this one.... Can I vent?

I was in a similar boat.

My cycles were so long and so irregular, that for as long as I remember, I felt that I would not be able to get pregnant. I was with my high school boyfriend for years, and we were never very careful so this just reinforced those fears.

It got so bad that I would cry if anyone brought up why we hadn't gotten pregnant yet. I went off the pill a year ago in august. We have been doing "whatever happens, happens" since then and nothing.

This month, by coincidence, I had been on DH's back about spending more time with me. Well, he made the effort to spend more time with me and you know what that means a lot more BD.

I got my BFP on Monday and I still can't believe it. "Whatever happens, happens" may take a while, but sometimes our own frames of mind are the real problems.

good luck!!

Re: Don't know where to go with this one.... Can I vent?

Thanks everyone for the support.

Although we had pretty much made the conscious decision for the past two years to wait, it doesn't make it any less painful. It really hurts.

Sometimes I am filled with doubts and blame myself or DH.... Thinking if only we had done something different we would be in a better situation.

And a bunch of



for all!!

Re: Don't know where to go with this one.... Can I vent?

Hi Kathleen,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way, but I can understand. DH and I have only been trying for just over 6 months, and I feel disappointed sometimes that nothing has happened yet. 6 months isn't long, but we're not young, so I do feel some pressure for this to happen soon.

My sister has been trying for a few years, and has had a few miscarriages. I know it's been very hard for her, and she said she has trouble not getting jealous of some people for the seeming ease of having children.

For myself, I try to remind myself that things may not really be so easy for everyone as it appears. I also try to stay content with the good things I have in my life and not wish for things that may or may not make me happy. Having a baby would be great, but there is a lot of extra work involved also.

Anyway, here's some for ya!