Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

I really don't know if there is a solution to this, or if I am just looking for a soapbox to scream on/from

Politically, I am on quite the opposite end of the spectrum as my in-laws. This is hard for me, considering I am politically active and an advocate for social justice and in strong support of public education. They've always joked that I'm "the liberal", and that my pie-in-the-sky ideas are modern and yuppie. DH and I come from the same blue-collar, hardworking backgrounds. We are both educated and DH is more middle of the road than they are.
My in-laws are wonderful people. They are more than generous, giving, helpful to me and my children when I need them most, when I'm at my worst, when my father passed etc etc. I think that's why this is hard.

I was recently told that my liberal views are embarrassing to them and their Conservative family and friends. That my political FB posts aren't aligned with their core values and that I really shouldn't post these things because It makes me look like I am at odds with the family Their belief seems to be that we should just blindly agree with them because they're our elders (trust me, politics wasn't the only thing they've expected me to just blindly agree with)

I can't help but post my views on FB. It's part of who I am and what I do (mind you, my political posts are few and far between, but there's a strong desire to post a LOT lately ) However, it is not like me to outwardly defy someone and just give them the finger, like eff you. I have no idea how to handle this.

Thanks for listening.

Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Where is your husband in all this? He should be saying something. You said this isn't the only thing they expect you to blindly agree with. He needs to speak up and say something. You are free to post what you want.

If your husband doesn't want to say anything, then you two should go to a counsellor. Because at that point it looks like he's more concerned with hurting his family's feelings than your feelings. He doesn't need to be on the same page politically as you, but they can't sit there and tell you what to do.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

This election has caused serious strains in many families. I would be very honest with your in-laws. I would tell them what you posted here that you cannot change your views and you won't. It's your right to to be liberal and to post your feelings if you want. If someone on Facebook doesn't like what you have to say they can simply stop following you. As far the embarrassment goes I would tell them.its ridiculous to allow your political difference to affect their feelings and view of you. You have had what sounds like a great relationship over the years and to let an election come between you is silly.

I know it's very hard right now. My parents both voted for the President elect and I have nearly lost my mind. In addition they believed media was so biased against Trump they began watching Fox news which has been the Worsr part about the election for me. They hate HRC and kept saying I cannot believe you are going to vote for her. Now they keep telling me "you just have to wait and see maybe Trump will surprise you and be a great President". I keep telling myself these are my parents and I love them but I don't have to agree with them. I can't allow myself or them to let an election cause a rift.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Just make this simple. Have your DH show them how to unfollow your posts. Or block them from your feed. Don't let Facebook drama make you go crazy.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

I don't think anyone should be telling you what to post, but if you just want to keep the peace, then on FB put your in-laws in the acquaintance group. When you post, post to everyone with the exception of acquaintance group. There's a drop down menu on posts that has this option. You can add anyone you want to this group. You can still post to all your friends, too, you just have to change the setting when you post.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

I don't get involved in politics with my family. I actually don't talk about who I voted for either. I leave it a mystery and keep em guessing. I have my views they have theirs and I respect everyone's views because to me its important to have different views and beliefs. Anyway I don't have the politics issues on facebook. I have other issues. My DD was recently diagnosed with ADHD and she has been put on meds. I literally had to block certain family members from seeing anything I post about my DD. They are not for medication and have a HUGE opinion that makes me upset so I choose not to share anything about my DD diagnosis with them anymore. I shouldn't have to be made to feel guilty for treating my daughter as it was a emotional decision for me. If I was you, I would block any political posts from family you don't want to see. Only share with them what you want them to see and hopefully that will end the drama.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

I'm curious if they are posting?

I'm having the same issue but with my husband. We have different political views and he constantly posts and likes this which to me are an embarrassment. I would much prefer if all political posts would be left off of Facebook.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

I would block them and their friends from any of your political posts.

But can I ask why you feel so compelled to post your political views on Facebook? Do you think that you are going to change someone's mind or educate them? I am always curious as to what motivates people to post certain things on Facebook. I think that you will never change anyone's mind or educate them, it will only serve to alienate people. I don't think that your inlaws should be embarrassed about your political views but I can see how they might find the egocentric nature of posts like that embarrassing.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Posted by LIRascal

Posted by lululu

I would block them and their friends from any of your political posts.

But can I ask why you feel so compelled to post your political views on Facebook? Do you think that you are going to change someone's mind or educate them? I am always curious as to what motivates people to post certain things on Facebook. I think that you will never change anyone's mind or educate them, it will only serve to alienate people. I don't think that your inlaws should be embarrassed about your political views but I can see how they might find the egocentric nature of posts like that embarrassing.

As some of my FB friends are on here, too, maybe they can weigh in. My FB posts are factual and historical information that may educate someone, but I certainly don't have a holier-than-thou tone when I post them (oh boy at least I hope not) I was the advisor/coach for a mock debate club at school called model congress, which attempts to emulate the floor of Congress in some way.
My former students and I often keep in touch and have meaningful conversations about what's going on.
I have some family members in upper academia who often post about history and politics, and it's my way of keeping up.
I am passionate about the topic. It's my "thing".

Just to be clear, my in laws aren't trying to change my mind nor are they asking me to change my views. They would love to have me on their side, but they know I won't go there. They're asking me not to embarrass them by posting on FB. They are insecure. Plain and simple.

Thank you so much for your suggestions to block them from certain posts. It's the best solution since I won't unfriend them-there's no reason to.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Posted by LIRascal

Posted by lululu

I would block them and their friends from any of your political posts.

But can I ask why you feel so compelled to post your political views on Facebook? Do you think that you are going to change someone's mind or educate them? I am always curious as to what motivates people to post certain things on Facebook. I think that you will never change anyone's mind or educate them, it will only serve to alienate people. I don't think that your inlaws should be embarrassed about your political views but I can see how they might find the egocentric nature of posts like that embarrassing.

As some of my FB friends are on here, too, maybe they can weigh in. My FB posts are factual and historical information that may educate someone, but I certainly don't have a holier-than-thou tone when I post them (oh boy at least I hope not) I was the advisor/coach for a mock debate club at school called model congress, which attempts to emulate the floor of Congress in some way.
My former students and I often keep in touch and have meaningful conversations about what's going on.
I have some family members in upper academia who often post about history and politics, and it's my way of keeping up.
I am passionate about the topic. It's my "thing".

Just to be clear, my in laws aren't trying to change my mind nor are they asking me to change my views. They would love to have me on their side, but they know I won't go there. They're asking me not to embarrass them by posting on FB. They are insecure. Plain and simple.

Thank you so much for your suggestions to block them from certain posts. It's the best solution since I won't unfriend them-there's no reason to.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Posted by chilltocam

Posted by LIRascal

Posted by lululu

I would block them and their friends from any of your political posts.

But can I ask why you feel so compelled to post your political views on Facebook? Do you think that you are going to change someone's mind or educate them? I am always curious as to what motivates people to post certain things on Facebook. I think that you will never change anyone's mind or educate them, it will only serve to alienate people. I don't think that your inlaws should be embarrassed about your political views but I can see how they might find the egocentric nature of posts like that embarrassing.

As some of my FB friends are on here, too, maybe they can weigh in. My FB posts are factual and historical information that may educate someone, but I certainly don't have a holier-than-thou tone when I post them (oh boy at least I hope not) I was the advisor/coach for a mock debate club at school called model congress, which attempts to emulate the floor of Congress in some way.
My former students and I often keep in touch and have meaningful conversations about what's going on.
I have some family members in upper academia who often post about history and politics, and it's my way of keeping up.
I am passionate about the topic. It's my "thing".

Just to be clear, my in laws aren't trying to change my mind nor are they asking me to change my views. They would love to have me on their side, but they know I won't go there. They're asking me not to embarrass them by posting on FB. They are insecure. Plain and simple.

Thank you so much for your suggestions to block them from certain posts. It's the best solution since I won't unfriend them-there's no reason to.

I really don't want to start a whole other discussion and don't mean to be snarky to anyone, but you do not need to justify why you post anything on FB. You are entitled to post whatever you want. I never post anything political on FB, but I do have friends on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to politics. Do I enjoy seeing the posts that support Trump - NO! Unless the post is blatantly incorrect or false, I do not comment on those posts. Otherwise, I can just scroll right past it and move on. Do I like knowing there are lots of other people out there who feel the same way I do - absolutely! I have no illusions that a FB post is ever going to change anyone's mind, but please know that there are people who are glad to see posts that support their "side" - so keep on posting! As for your in-laws, like others have said, just block them from seeing certain posts and agree to not discuss politics in each others company.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

The whole point of Facebook is egocentric.

I'd rather read a political post than look at someone's selfies.

Message edited 1/13/2017 11:08:25 AM.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

I personally don't understand why any adult posts their political views on FB. Actually I don't understand the posting of a lot of things on FB. But if you must, that's your choice. I would say easiest thing to do with least amount of drama is when you post something that you don't want them to see, just restrict them from seeing it. I have a whole work restricted list...meaning when I post, everybody but my work friends on this restricted list can see it. If you don't want to do that and want them to see everything you post, then you should have your DH involved telling them to back down since after all you are his wife and come first.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

This post is very interesting to me, because I have this same argument/discussion with my husband. I tend to post a lot of political stuff on FB, because it is my outlet to vent my frustrations. I don't do it to throw my points of view in other people's faces, but if an article I share enlightens someone to something they hadn't thought of before, that's great. If not, and I'm just posting into the void, so be it.

My husband, on the other hand, thinks FB isn't for political discussions. We don't discuss politics at home because we don't share a lot of the same views. So, to me, FB (and my parents) are really the only places I can discuss it.

I don't find it egocentric. I find selfies and videos of oneself to be much more ego-driven than someone posting their political opinion.

Re: Spinoff to in-laws: when politics get in the way

TBH they sound like they are good in laws and you already know you have different political views. Their approach wasn't the best but out of respect for the and their views I would blocked them from those posts. You said you don't post it as much so it shouldn't be a hassle. I just don't think is something to cause friction over.