Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

So my sister is getting married and my mom won't be throwing the shower. I did some research and found an affordable restaurant to throw her a shower and I would be able to cover the cost myself. I reached out to the rest of the bridal party to narrow down dates. I wanted to throw the shower on a sunday because thats when the restaurant offered a reasonable brunch menu including alcohol. All the bridesmaids agreed.

A few days later the bachelorette party discussion came up because two of us are from OOT. They wanted to have it the same day as the bridal shower, so they wanted the bridal shower to be moved to saturday. I gave them the cheapest option I could come up with for saturday and even told them the price per person and told them that alcohol was not icluded in that price. If we were going to go with the saturday brunch that I would need help paying atleast for the alcohol, favors, cake, decorations, etc. A few of the bridesmaids said no problem we will split the cost for everything.

Now invites have been sent out, restaurant has been booked and the girls were asking about the costs to this point so that they could help with the expenses. I gave them an estimated cost for the total of the restaurant based on max capacity and one of the girls actually came back and said, "wait doesn't each person pay for their own meal?" Then she asked, "typically doesn't the bride's mother pay " The topic of my mom not paying for the shower had also previously been discussed.

I haven't heard from any of the other bridesmaids yet, but I was open about needing help covering the costs and I was extremely open with how much it cost per person and the fact that alcohol will be an additional expense. I also told them the max number of people that would be invited, which is about 25. This was all before we finalized any decisions.

I feel like I messed up by not being specific, but as I go back and look through the messages I was very specific that I would not be able to cover the cost of the entire shower plus be a part of the bachelorette party if we moved it to saturday.

I don't know what to do now. I can cover the expense for the shower but its going to be tight as we have a baby on the way plus I am traveling out of state so I have the additional expense of travel both for the shower and the wedding. DH is fuming mad right now because he has a feeling that all these bridesmaids are going to back out and the expense is going to fall on us.

I left it off by saying that I understand that its can be expensive and that I'm not expeciting the cost to be split evenly amongst all the bridesmaids but that I did tell them upfront that if we moved the day to Saturday that I would expect some help from them with the other costs. I can cover the cost for the restaurant.

I just needed to vent because now what I thought was going smooth just became a stressful situation.

Message edited 6/24/2016 12:08:02 AM.

Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

One don't hve alcohol. Just Have a punch. Save the money. Also if you didn't buy favors yet try and do it cheaper. Look for cost cutters!!!

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

I threw a shower for 25 people for my bff. I bought 8 bottles of wine. 1 white 1 red for every few people placed on tables. The waitress opened them all at the beginning. After 4 hours maaaaaaybe 2 glasses were consumed?? I was pisssssssed! They all went to waste. I also went to a baby shower 10 days ago and I purposely looked to see if people were drinking wine on tables. Nope. They were all full. Skip the alcohol!!!!! Trust me!

Skip the favors, too. Also set up a paypal account NOW and give everyone an amount. Have them give u the money in advance, not the day of. Also include the bachelorette party expenses as well. If you need help planning that let me know.

Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

That sucks!

But being a bridesmaid can be extremely expensive and who knows these girls financial situation. I'm not really into showers, but I feel your pain. I would just scale back if I was you. You are hosting so set a budget your comfortable with and work within it's confines. You can't count on these people to ante up.


Like others said, you don't need alcohol. If your guests really need a cocktail on Saturday afternoon let them go to bar and just a tab and let them pick it up themselves.

DIY Favors or just nix them completely. You can personalize wrappers for Hershey bars for very cheap. No one cares about favors. Half will be left on the table the other half will be trashed.

Cake- sheet cake is fine! Order at stop n shop. Or get three round cakes less than $50.

Decorations - DIY centerpieces. Dollar tree vases, marbles and a candle.

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Skip the alcohol
Skip the favors
Tell sister no bachelorette party
Or tell sister she needs to chip in.

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

I do agree with cutting corners where you can. I personally don't agree with cutting alcohol. That just wouldn't fly with my circle of friends and family. But you know your crowd, if you don't think many people will drink, I would just run a tab. Or maybe see if you could do just mimosas or just punch at a discounted price.
All that said, I don't think you did anything wrong. It sounds like you were extremely up front about things. I had similar issues with my shower. My parents are older and very traditional. It used to be unacceptable for the mother of the bride to host a shower as it was "asking for gifts." My parents paid for my engagement party and wedding, but not my shower. My girls needed to chip in for my shower. If I remember correctly, they were asked to put in $100 each. That covered everything. Initially they all agreed, but then they bitched and moaned and many only gave $50 or less. My mother in law kicked in the difference. To be honest, I was mortified all around.
So my best advice is, whatever you do, please try not to involve the bride in any of this. I wound up knowing everything and it caused a lot of issues. It got to the point where I didn't even want the shower and was resentful over the whole thing.

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

I would definitely cut the alcohol!! Especially if your planning a bachelorette party that evening.

Why not just have mimosas if you want some type of alcohol? Its a brunch, no? I don't ever remember anyone consuming alcohol besides that at a brunch.

Oh yes, I would definitely skip the favors. Completely pointless.

Message edited 6/24/2016 8:56:34 AM.

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Alcohol not needed or expected for a shower.
Favors, if they are important to you, you can easily do on the cheap - Do something edible like choc covered oreos or pretzels ..........You don't have to hire someone on FB to do them for you, they are easy to do yourself. Solicit your Mom to help there, if possible.

Someone I know recently did small nail files - LOVED that as I NEVER have one in my bag when I need it !!
She said they were like, 50 cents each.

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

I have been to many showers and most did not have alcohol. If anyone wanted a drink, they went to the bar and bought it themselves. Skip it. Also favors aren't really necessary. Maybe someone can make chocolate lollipops.

Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

I am not a drinker but every shower I went to people did drink the punch but really I do not think it is needed. I think people drink it because it is there.

For favors to keep it cheap make them yourself. I learned how to do chocolate covered oreos and you can make 25 favors with 2 oreos per bag for about $30-$40 which is very cheap. Everyone raves about them and it is really easy to do takes a few hours.

Sorry they are being this way. If you expressed all of this and they said OK then they are being wrong not you. I agree with an above poster set up a paypal and say can you each deposit this much amount to my paypal account. I feel that if they come to the shower empty handed and say they will pay you another time it just will not happen.

Sorry you have to deal with this crap.

Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

I know it can be extremely expensive to be in a bridal shower and I voiced these concerns prior to booking the Saturday. I was willing to cover the entire cost of the shower myself if we did it on a Sunday but they decided after the fact that they wanted it on Saturday before the bachelorette party so they wouldn't be hung over at the shower. I talked to my mom and she will now cover the cost for favors decorations and the cake. I was majorly concerned about the cost because I am traveling out of state to attend and have to figure in cost of travel and hotel on top of it. I told them up front the cost of the restaurant and that my mother would not be paying. I also made it clear that they will need to pitch in. I hate bridal parties for this reason.

And yes I am just limiting the alcohol already to mimosa and bloody marys

Message edited 6/24/2016 10:45:40 AM.

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Can you DIY the favors? Bake something to give out?

As far as drinks, some form of alcohol is generally expected in my group. You don't have to go all out though; a champagne punch works! If it's not the norm in your crowd, cut it.

Can you ask each girl to contribute what she can? That way, you at least have some financial help.

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Message edited 6/24/2016 10:56:28 AM.

Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Sounds like you got the alcohol situation figured out, but I agree you could cut it all together. Also, I'd skip the favors and decorations. You likely don't need decorations in a restaurant.

Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

My mom has agreed to make chocolate favors buy the cake and make centerpieces for the tables. I'm just pissed that they agreed and now are backing out

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

I agree with everyone, also learning from my mistake I now know you need to be very specific with people. Such as letting them know exactly how much each bridesmaid needed to contribute before the decision was made to change the date, as you can see they don't have much knowledge when one of them thought the guests pay their own plate lol. Just a lesson learned I am sure the shower will be very nice.

Since your not doing alcohol now can you re-introduce the expenses to the BM's to cover the favors/cake/decorations etc...alcohol was probably the biggest part of the expense.

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Just wanted to say you are a great sister!

Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent

Ugh Idk why but weddings and bridal parties bring out the worst in people. You did nothing wrong. You told them you would cover Sunday but it wasn't convenient for them so they said they'd pitch in if you moved it to Sat. Yes bridal parties are expensive but you were clear with them. They committed to helping you out and they are wrong for not honoring their commitments. I agree in the future you should be very specific with numbers, if you weren't this time and getting the money beforehand is a good idea. Did the one girl really ask about guests covering their plate? has she never been to a shower?