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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
there is an inherent flaw in the question. the only reason she can even contemplate a choice is because she IS alive. if she were never born she would not have any concept of life, so the point and the question are moot.
now... how do I feel about it???
this is an "odd" time for me to answer.
since i had my son, i was very afraid of death because i knew that would mean that i would leave him alone (single-mom, only child). this fear became greater the older he became because we were are so close.
now that he's an adult and out of the nest, i thought that fear would slowly fade, but it has not. it has gotten greater. maybe if he finds a partner in life, i will start to feel better about "leaving him behind."
now... add that SO's mother is very sick and i'm watching it happen and watching her get worse and i'm helping to care for her... old age and ACTIVELY dying scares the FUKC out of me. i'm starting to understand why people say that they'll commit suicide if they get to a certain stage in their inability to care for themselves.
ETA: back to the original question.
in the end, you don't have a choice. you're alive. the only way to change that is to actively choose death and end your own life.
Message edited 3/29/2016 12:10:03 PM.
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Posted 3/29/16 12:08 PM  |
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shadows
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 4694 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
I have not felt this way but on some level, I could possibly understand someone in certain circumstances feeling this way.
I have had this thought for other situations - for example, babies born with fatal conditions or in horrific situations where they will truly never get to enjoy life before they die. Where they will just suffer. I've thought gee, they didn't ask to be born, and are forced into a short life full of nothing but illness/pain (or whatever the case may be). It wasn't their choice to be born in the first place - how unfair. Different situation, I know, but maybe stretched a bit I could see someone who is really suffering emotionally feel this way.
I hope your friend feels better 
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| Posted 3/29/16 12:44 PM |
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by Blazesyth
Posted by Mushesgirl
Wait, is it just me or is anyone else having a flashback to an epic lif drama thread along these lines??
There was, I remember it.
OMG YES!!! YEARS ago!!!
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| Posted 3/29/16 1:08 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Honestly she sounds like she suffers greatly from anxiety and needs professional therapy. When fears hold you back in everyday life, it's time to get help.
I agree. Your friend needs professional help.
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| Posted 3/29/16 1:28 PM |
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JennyPenny
?
Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Would you rather...? An interesting question.
When it comes down to it- I would choose to live life, but I can understand where your friend is coming from. I've had a fear of death since I was a kid. My fear subsided for a long time as a teenager when it flipped and death was tempting. But the older I get the more I think about it. Especially since I had my kids. The thought of losing one of them or my husband can consume me sometimes and it makes it hard to push it out of my mind. I just don't think I could get through that. I immediately start to get torn up just thinking about it.
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| Posted 3/29/16 1:38 PM |
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CallaLily
Thank you, Saint Gerard!
Member since 10/07 4937 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by MarathonKnitter
there is an inherent flaw in the question. the only reason she can even contemplate a choice is because she IS alive. if she were never born she would not have any concept of life, so the point and the question are moot.
now... how do I feel about it???
this is an "odd" time for me to answer.
since i had my son, i was very afraid of death because i knew that would mean that i would leave him alone (single-mom, only child). this fear became greater the older he became because we were are so close.
now that he's an adult and out of the nest, i thought that fear would slowly fade, but it has not. it has gotten greater. maybe if he finds a partner in life, i will start to feel better about "leaving him behind."
now... add that SO's mother is very sick and i'm watching it happen and watching her get worse and i'm helping to care for her... old age and ACTIVELY dying scares the FUKC out of me. i'm starting to understand why people say that they'll commit suicide if they get to a certain stage in their inability to care for themselves.
ETA: back to the original question.
in the end, you don't have a choice. you're alive. the only way to change that is to actively choose death and end your own life.
I understand that you don't have a choice. That was not the point of the question. She is not suicidal in any way. It's about the hypothetical....in her case she wishes she were not born so that she wouldn't have to die.
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| Posted 3/29/16 1:48 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by CallaLily
Posted by MarathonKnitter
there is an inherent flaw in the question. the only reason she can even contemplate a choice is because she IS alive. if she were never born she would not have any concept of life, so the point and the question are moot.
now... how do I feel about it???
this is an "odd" time for me to answer.
since i had my son, i was very afraid of death because i knew that would mean that i would leave him alone (single-mom, only child). this fear became greater the older he became because we were are so close.
now that he's an adult and out of the nest, i thought that fear would slowly fade, but it has not. it has gotten greater. maybe if he finds a partner in life, i will start to feel better about "leaving him behind."
now... add that SO's mother is very sick and i'm watching it happen and watching her get worse and i'm helping to care for her... old age and ACTIVELY dying scares the FUKC out of me. i'm starting to understand why people say that they'll commit suicide if they get to a certain stage in their inability to care for themselves.
ETA: back to the original question.
in the end, you don't have a choice. you're alive. the only way to change that is to actively choose death and end your own life.
I understand that you don't have a choice. That was not the point of the question. She is not suicidal in any way. It's about the hypothetical....in her case she wishes she were not born so that she wouldn't have to die.
But she will die. Someday. We all will. It's inevitable. She can't escape it. None of us can. We can only choose to live life, fill it with as many good things and positive moments as we can, all the while knowing someday it will all be over (without letting it interfere with the act of living). What happens after that, or rather what we think happens after that depends on our own belief system. This is the most rational and realistic way to look at it but depending on her state of mind she may not see it that way and instead the thought of death consumes her. At that point she def needs to talk to someone, and if she tried and it didn't work she should keep trying. Her life sounds like it's not worth living because she's so focused on something that is going to happen regardless of how she chooses to accept it and live her life. It's like not being able to enjoy summer because you're so focused on winter coming, or.not letting yourself feel love for fear you'll lose it. Winter is going to come regardless of whether you're going to soak up every last ray of summer sunshine or you're going to be so preoccupied with the anxiety of the coming winter that you let summer pass you by. That's why the question she posed is odd. If you had never lived then you have nothing to go by and can't answer the question. I think most people will agree that they'd rather take all the good and even challenging moments of life full knowing they will die than never having lived, never having experienced life and all it has to offer and all their positive moments just so they don't have to experience death. That's how I see it at least.
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| Posted 3/29/16 2:30 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by JennZ
I think dying is the easy part. Living is the hard part.
Yeah wasn't there a saying about this?
I think it all depends on what people think happens when you die.
How do you die
How will it feel
What happens after
I worry about none of that.
I will die when I die
It will feel as it feels. Thinking about it won't stop it or make it better. It could be in my sleep, or in my car, or in a hospital, alone or with family.
After? What after.
I can't worry about any of that when I have to worry about the roof over my head and food on the table for myself and my daughter.
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| Posted 3/29/16 2:46 PM |
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jellybelly79
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3389 total posts
Name:
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Would you rather...? An interesting question.
I don't necessarily have a fear of dying but I have a fear of losing loved ones, like major anxiety over it.
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| Posted 3/29/16 3:04 PM |
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luvmykids8
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 2050 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by JennyPenny
When it comes down to it- I would choose to live life, but I can understand where your friend is coming from. I've had a fear of death since I was a kid. My fear subsided for a long time as a teenager when it flipped and death was tempting. But the older I get the more I think about it. Especially since I had my kids. The thought of losing one of them or my husband can consume me sometimes and it makes it hard to push it out of my mind. I just don't think I could get through that. I immediately start to get torn up just thinking about it.
This word for word.
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| Posted 3/29/16 3:07 PM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by HomeIsWithU
I suffer from an intense fear of death, so I can sympathize with your friend. My fear doesn't go as far as wishing I was never born so that I never have to face death though...I would rather live my life knowing that someday (any day) it will end than to have never lived at all. But like I said, I understand her fear....the fear of not knowing what comes after, or leaving your family behind, etc. At times its overwhelming, which is why I try not to think about it.
Exactly this! 
I really regret opening this post because I started to read the answers and it got me really thinking about it. My heart started pounding and I instantly felt like I couldn't breathe. The only way I can deal with it is by just not thinking about it.
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| Posted 3/29/16 3:40 PM |
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MrsD121011
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
Name:
Elicia
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Would you rather...? An interesting question.
I, for some reason don't fear death. Maybe its rooted in faith but I believe that there is more after this life then we know about. I am sure my family would miss me terribly if something happened but I don't believe that our soul is subjected to the same emotional pains that we feel in this world. At least that what I believe and it gives me hope that after death there is peace in heaven. That being said I love life and want to live it to the fullest but I would never let a fear of dying stop me. I am sorry your friend has such a grim outlook and is siuffering so terribly. Maybe she woud find solace in church or talking to other in a support group. Hopefully she can overcome this and learn to love life and live it to the fullest because our time here is so short.
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| Posted 3/29/16 5:40 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 8016 total posts
Name:
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Would you rather...? An interesting question.
interesting post and reading the answers, I dont think op asked if the collective we think her friend needs professional help or that she is suffering from type of mental disorder.
though the question is an odd one, but I get a sense of what op is asking.
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| Posted 3/29/16 6:47 PM |
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
I see what the OP is asking. Is life worth the price, which is death, that you have to pay for it?
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| Posted 3/29/16 6:52 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by MC09
Posted by Blazesyth
Posted by Mushesgirl
Wait, is it just me or is anyone else having a flashback to an epic lif drama thread along these lines??
There was, I remember it.
How did this topic insite drama?
From what I can pull from the memory banks the op posted about not wanting to bring children into the world when they would ultimately have to die or something like that and the responses were really vicious
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| Posted 3/29/16 9:32 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by scarletbegonia
Posted by Blazesyth
Posted by Mushesgirl
Wait, is it just me or is anyone else having a flashback to an epic lif drama thread along these lines??
There was, I remember it.
OMG YES!!! YEARS ago!!!
^5 for memories like elephants!! So funny that that thread stuck in our minds. Made an impression!!
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| Posted 3/29/16 9:36 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
I think it depends on whether or not a person believes in an afterlife & the existence of your soul/consciousness after you die. If so, then life is definitely worth living despite that fear of the unknown because when you die, your spirit still exists in some dimension/heaven/whatever it is & maybe we are reunited with loved ones in that realm of existence... so yes if you believe this, death may still be scary because we don't know what the experience is like, but it's a means to a good end so it's worthwhile. But, if you don't believe it any afterlife & think we all just return to nothingness/dust, then I can understand what your friend is saying, though not sure whether I'd agree. Although we experience fear & terror in life about many things, I tend to think a person's life is worth living regardless because we don't always know in what positive ways our life will touch others (main idea of "It's a Wonderful Life"). So I'd rather have the opportunity to be born (which I consider a wonderful gift) & take my chances in life & experience what joy I can & give others what joy I can, even though I will certainly eventually have to die.
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| Posted 3/29/16 9:57 PM |
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Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Yeah, I remember how unnecessarily harsh they were to the person. God forbid anyone have a differing opinion!
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| Posted 3/29/16 10:20 PM |
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HomeIsWithU
Baby #2 on the way!
Member since 9/07 7816 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Would you rather...? An interesting question.
Posted by drpepper318
I think it depends on whether or not a person believes in an afterlife & the existence of your soul/consciousness after you die. If so, then life is definitely worth living despite that fear of the unknown because when you die, your spirit still exists in some dimension/heaven/whatever it is & maybe we are reunited with loved ones in that realm of existence... so yes if you believe this, death may still be scary because we don't know what the experience is like, but it's a means to a good end so it's worthwhile. But, if you don't believe it any afterlife & think we all just return to nothingness/dust, then I can understand what your friend is saying, though not sure whether I'd agree. Although we experience fear & terror in life about many things, I tend to think a person's life is worth living regardless because we don't always know in what positive ways our life will touch others (main idea of "It's a Wonderful Life"). So I'd rather have the opportunity to be born (which I consider a wonderful gift) & take my chances in life & experience what joy I can & give others what joy I can, even though I will certainly eventually have to die.
I agree with this 100%. For me, as much as I want to believe in an afterlife of some sort, in reality, I do not. Which is why I struggle with the fear of death. To live an entire life but then die and become nothingness (not have the memories of that life or the people in it), it sometimes seems pointless and very very scary...the thought of nothingness. At the same time, the other side of me says...I AM here now and if there is nothing after this, I should use my time wisely and enjoy every moment. This is why I said in my original post I try not to think about it too much because it can be overwhelming and I don't want my fear to dictate my life. I agree with drpepper318, that if the person believes in an afterlife, it's probably a lot easier to consider death less scary because there's the notion that you're not alone after this life and you continue to exist in some form.
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| Posted 3/30/16 9:54 AM |
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