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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by VickiC
Posted by NervousNell
I have a question.
How does the church know you got a divorce?
Lets say you wanted to be a Godparent or get buried in a Catholic cemetery. How would they know you got divorced and remarried?
Do they really look this stuff up with the state?
I dont' recall them doing any investigation into me or my sister when we were Godparents for each other's children.
We just named each other as Godparents- no questions asked.
How would they know if I was divorced and remarried?
Just like your baptism, communion & confirmation are recorded, so is your marriage. When you go for an annulment, your "home" church gets notified and it goes in the book. I use to work in a church rectory and I remember doing this every now and again. I'm trying to remember if when a divorce happened if we were notified, but I can't recall. We had in the safe every baptism book, confirmation book and communion book that was ever done since the church was opened. It's actually pretty awesome to see.
Yes I can see them being notified of an annulment because that goes through the church, but just a divorce- I can't see the state notifying the church of the divorce. The divorce suspends the marriage with the state- I don't think they care about what religious place you had the wedding in, kwim?
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Posted 9/10/15 9:03 AM  |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by VickiC
Posted by NervousNell
I have a question.
How does the church know you got a divorce?
Lets say you wanted to be a Godparent or get buried in a Catholic cemetery. How would they know you got divorced and remarried?
Do they really look this stuff up with the state?
I dont' recall them doing any investigation into me or my sister when we were Godparents for each other's children.
We just named each other as Godparents- no questions asked.
How would they know if I was divorced and remarried?
Just like your baptism, communion & confirmation are recorded, so is your marriage. When you go for an annulment, your "home" church gets notified and it goes in the book. I use to work in a church rectory and I remember doing this every now and again. I'm trying to remember if when a divorce happened if we were notified, but I can't recall. We had in the safe every baptism book, confirmation book and communion book that was ever done since the church was opened. It's actually pretty awesome to see.
Yes I can see them being notified of an annulment because that goes through the church, but just a divorce- I can't see the state notifying the church of the divorce. The divorce suspends the marriage with the state- I don't think they care about what religious place you had the wedding in, kwim?
The state does not notify the church that there was a divorce. So unless you want to get married again in the church no one needs to even know that there was a divorce.
IMO annulments are just a way for the church to make money. Anyone can get them with the right amount of money. So while the pope is giving the ok now they were always available. They will still cost to get so IMO its not like things are really changing.
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| Posted 9/10/15 9:45 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by alli3131
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by VickiC
Posted by NervousNell
I have a question.
How does the church know you got a divorce?
Lets say you wanted to be a Godparent or get buried in a Catholic cemetery. How would they know you got divorced and remarried?
Do they really look this stuff up with the state?
I dont' recall them doing any investigation into me or my sister when we were Godparents for each other's children.
We just named each other as Godparents- no questions asked.
How would they know if I was divorced and remarried?
Just like your baptism, communion & confirmation are recorded, so is your marriage. When you go for an annulment, your "home" church gets notified and it goes in the book. I use to work in a church rectory and I remember doing this every now and again. I'm trying to remember if when a divorce happened if we were notified, but I can't recall. We had in the safe every baptism book, confirmation book and communion book that was ever done since the church was opened. It's actually pretty awesome to see.
Yes I can see them being notified of an annulment because that goes through the church, but just a divorce- I can't see the state notifying the church of the divorce. The divorce suspends the marriage with the state- I don't think they care about what religious place you had the wedding in, kwim?
The state does not notify the church that there was a divorce. So unless you want to get married again in the church no one needs to even know that there was a divorce.
IMO annulments are just a way for the church to make money. Anyone can get them with the right amount of money. So while the pope is giving the ok now they were always available. They will still cost to get so IMO its not like things are really changing.
I thought so.
So in terms of "not being allowed" to be a God parent- nobody would ever know and you can absolute be a God parent
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| Posted 9/10/15 9:47 AM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
As a Jewish woman, this Pope gives me a great deal of hope for the Catholic faith, and humanity in general.
Where everyone decries homosexuality he says "who am I to judge".
When everyone decried abortion he says "I cant imagine the position these women must have been in, give them a chance to repent".
When the faith abhors divorce he says "lets look at this policy and see that some marriages can not be saved".
I absolutely love him, and I really respect his as well.
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| Posted 9/10/15 10:11 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by BunnyWife
I'm happy to hear this too though you are wrong about not being able to be buried in a catholic cemetery. My mother was divorced before she married my dad (they were not married in the church and she never received an annulment) and is buried in a catholic cemetery.
Well, that's a relief -- I was told that by A LOT of people. I guess that's one of those common misconceptions.
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| Posted 9/10/15 10:21 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by alli3131
IMO annulments are just a way for the church to make money. Anyone can get them with the right amount of money. So while the pope is giving the ok now they were always available. They will still cost to get so IMO its not like things are really changing.
Well, he is making the service free (beginning 12/8) so no, now it will no longer cost people anything to get one. This is also what bothered me for so long about it -- like you said, no one was being granted them unless they had money or notoriety. The Kennedy's were getting granted them left and right!! So, if you had the money, you were in luck.
What is nice about what the new Pope is doing is taking away the fees and payoffs for annulments -- making the service free, except for a minimal administrative/paperwork fee. Yippy!
But yes, IMO this is a big change because if you didn't have a lot of money getting an annulment was a pipe dream. I certainly don't have the money for one -- the way it was before.
And, even with paying the money and going through the channels it took a very long time and people even obtained lawyers to help them with the process!! Which cost even more. That is how involved it was.
This really simplifies the process and takes away that almost automatic rejection from the Vatican the first time the annulment is requested.
With that going away --- the process can go from taking months and months to even years, to taking just a few weeks. THAT is huge for an institution who isn't very big on change. It is the biggest change in over 300 years. I think it's pretty substantial. Giving the power to the local powers that be to decide and handle instead of it having to go up to the ivory tower is pretty significant. That's what decreases the duration also.
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| Posted 9/10/15 10:29 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by NervousNell
I thought so.
So in terms of "not being allowed" to be a God parent- nobody would ever know and you can absolute be a God parent
Yeah but I don't want to have to lie! 
It's like, shaming me, KWIM?
It's like saying, I have to lie about the fact that I am divorced and then got remarried --- so I need to be careful about introducing my new husband to Judy the Parish Rectory lady who runs shit at my Church. So, I can't say "Hey Judy, this is Pete, my new husband"... Because she'll likely chase me with a red hot poker! So, I have to say "Judy, this is Pete, a family friend, who holds my hand". 
Can I be my nephew's Godmother now??
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| Posted 9/10/15 10:31 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by Paramount
As a Jewish woman, this Pope gives me a great deal of hope for the Catholic faith, and humanity in general.
Where everyone decries homosexuality he says "who am I to judge".
When everyone decried abortion he says "I cant imagine the position these women must have been in, give them a chance to repent".
When the faith abhors divorce he says "lets look at this policy and see that some marriages can not be saved".
I absolutely love him, and I really respect his as well.
I always admired the Jewish faith. I always said, they have the right idea. If I could go back and choose, I think I'd choose that! They probably wouldn't want me but I would want them!
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| Posted 9/10/15 10:32 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by DaniJude
Posted by NervousNell
I thought so.
So in terms of "not being allowed" to be a God parent- nobody would ever know and you can absolute be a God parent
Yeah but I don't want to have to lie!
It's like, shaming me, KWIM?
It's like saying, I have to lie about the fact that I am divorced and then got remarried --- so I need to be careful about introducing my new husband to Judy the Parish Rectory lady who runs shit at my Church. So, I can't say "Hey Judy, this is Pete, my new husband"... Because she'll likely chase me with a red hot poker! So, I have to say "Judy, this is Pete, a family friend, who holds my hand".
Can I be my nephew's Godmother now??
LMAO
You crack me up!
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| Posted 9/10/15 10:32 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Born, raised and currently a practicing Catholic I did not know about some of those things, basically I only knew you couldn't remarry in a Catholic church, bad in and of itself but the rest are down right awful. I do not agree with many of the "rules" tbh and as I get older I do question finding a Christian church who's views better reflect my own, such as Episcopalian.
In any event GOOD FOR YOU, glad this relieves some stress 
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| Posted 9/10/15 11:12 AM |
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JSDB
<3
Member since 1/13 1329 total posts
Name:
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by DaniJude
Posted by Paramount
As a Jewish woman, this Pope gives me a great deal of hope for the Catholic faith, and humanity in general.
Where everyone decries homosexuality he says "who am I to judge".
When everyone decried abortion he says "I cant imagine the position these women must have been in, give them a chance to repent".
When the faith abhors divorce he says "lets look at this policy and see that some marriages can not be saved".
I absolutely love him, and I really respect his as well.
I always admired the Jewish faith. I always said, they have the right idea. If I could go back and choose, I think I'd choose that! They probably wouldn't want me but I would want them!
I am Jewish and I love this new pope and I love your admiration of judaism
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| Posted 9/10/15 11:56 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
I'm thrilled that annulment will be easier. One of my good friends married a man that is divorced. It was so important to her that he get an annulment so she could be married in church. She even had her church booked and invitations out when they found out his annulment had been denied. It just about broke her heart to not be married in church. She is very religious and tied to her faith. They've been married over a year now and I know it still really bothers her. If her husband can now get one easier and she could have her marriage recognized by the Catholic Church she would be over the moon happy.
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| Posted 9/11/15 7:57 AM |
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by nferrandi
I'm thrilled that annulment will be easier. One of my good friends married a man that is divorced. It was so important to her that he get an annulment so she could be married in church. She even had her church booked and invitations out when they found out his annulment had been denied. It just about broke her heart to not be married in church. She is very religious and tied to her faith. They've been married over a year now and I know it still really bothers her. If her husband can now get one easier and she could have her marriage recognized by the Catholic Church she would be over the moon happy.
:( do they say why they deny it? Can you try again and shell out another fee?
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| Posted 9/11/15 8:19 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by nferrandi
I'm thrilled that annulment will be easier. One of my good friends married a man that is divorced. It was so important to her that he get an annulment so she could be married in church. She even had her church booked and invitations out when they found out his annulment had been denied. It just about broke her heart to not be married in church. She is very religious and tied to her faith. They've been married over a year now and I know it still really bothers her. If her husband can now get one easier and she could have her marriage recognized by the Catholic Church she would be over the moon happy.
Oh wow 
I hope she does it. I think, if I were her, regardless of how much time went by I would want it because it is what's right.
It reminds me of my grandfather -- another reason why this story with the Pope and annulments really touched me...
When my grandfather was about to ship off to fight in World War II he married a woman he had been dating, as many sailors/soldiers/etc did and promised he would come back to her and they would begin their lives and raise a family.
After serving in WWII for gosh, years, and being wounded - shot in the foot, won two medals, almost died saving others, and contracting malaria he happily came home having served his Country well. We had won the War. All was good.
When he returned home his then-wife was six months pregnant 
The immaculate conception?
Anyway, my grandfather was devastated. He had been away fighting and almost died and she was cheating on him and got knocked up by some draft dodger?? Oy vey. 
He, a proud and practicing Catholic marched right down to the Diocese and explained everything and they basically told him to go scratch. Tough nuggets. The divorce, back then, was such a scandal it was even put in the local paper - in a blurb, making my grandfather, who did nothing wrong, feel ashamed and like a sinner. His faith meant so much to him his whole life and he credited his faith with keeping him focused and alive fighting in the Japanese jungle. yet now his wife had turned her back on him and because of that, so did his religion.
Anyway, long story short, he was so disillusioned that when he met my grandmother, who was Lutheran, he converted to being Lutheran and married her. Of course he wanted to get married in the Catholic church and continue being a Catholic but couldn't. They were married over 60 years when he passed away at 91 years old. She is still alive, being nine years his junior, at 93 years old.
They raised four children - my father, two other boys, and a girl. All four children ended up marrying Catholics and we, along with all of my cousin's on that side were raised Catholic.
It bothered my grandfather for his entire life that he was not granted that annulment he so deserved. it also hurt him, sometimes, that his entire family including twelve grandchildren were a different religion than him - we were all the religion he was born and always wanted to be! And he wasn't! It was sad. The annulment not being granted was so wrong - especially considering adultery is the number one reason that merits an annulment! It was more about money and who you know, at that time, and it was considered such a shameful horror to even consider divorce. To be divorced had such a stigma, too.
He was such a good man - SO hard working, overseeing operations at the Domino Sugar factory in Brooklyn for 40 years, as well as a loving and faithful husband to my grandmother, and God bless him for putting up with her all those years He should be eligible for Sainthood! And he was a wonderful father and grandfather - the best. I miss him every single day.
I feel like marching down to the Diocese myself and making them give it to him posthumously!
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| Posted 9/11/15 11:05 AM |
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DaisyGirl
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1650 total posts
Name:
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Re: Thank you Pope Francis!
Posted by Paramount
As a Jewish woman, this Pope gives me a great deal of hope for the Catholic faith, and humanity in general.
Where everyone decries homosexuality he says "who am I to judge".
When everyone decried abortion he says "I cant imagine the position these women must have been in, give them a chance to repent".
When the faith abhors divorce he says "lets look at this policy and see that some marriages can not be saved".
I absolutely love him, and I really respect his as well.
This exactly! Except I'm not Jewish but a Catholic who has struggled with my faith for years because of the views of previous Popes and the Vatican. He is restoring my faith in the church.
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| Posted 9/12/15 12:34 PM |
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