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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
You know, I keep reading your posts and obviously this is a very strong issue for you that you wish were better....but...I can't help but notice how critical and judgmental you sound about your sister.
Your last post even said she was not very mature and adult-like.
I know this is just a forum and I could be reading into it, but IMO I am wondering if you are coming off like this IRL.
And like I said a ton of pages back....it's not just here but in other posts you've written. It seems to be a common theme against the human race when you don't get what you want.
I say this not to start drama, but hopefully for you to start thinking about how you come off.
Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to. And that's not going to change no matter how often we write about it on LIF or ***** about it IRL.
"Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to"
I totally agree with you on this. I have been fighting so hard for some things in life for so long that I have come to the reality that some things will just not change, no matter what I do.
She is a very materialistic type of person, very impressed by money and we are very different in the way we go about things so that might be the main problem. My friends are more down to earth while hers are snobby and snotty (and yes I have known them a long time to make this judgement).
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Posted 9/5/15 9:01 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
Name:
Kayla
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by alexb
I can see why you are upset about this as i would possibly be as well but it doesnt seem like you guys have an extremely close relationship. I know you have asked her in the past as to what her issue is and she has skirted around the topic but i would ask again and be as assertive as possible. Just point blank ask 'is there an something going on because i feel as if you are avoiding me'. The fact that you have asked in the past seems like either she wants to avoid confrontation or she thinks you may be overly sensitive and doesnt want to hurt your feelings. Either way, i would bring up the topic again ONLY if you are able to not be defensive and have an open mind. Whatever is the real issue, i hope you guys figure things out- good luck!
The thing is, some people just don't like confrontation. I do anything I can to avoid it, so I would never just say what was wrong with someone if they asked me. I would always skirt around the issue.
That being said, to the op, I would probably just let it go. You and your sister are obviously different and that's ok. It doesn't mean either of you is in the wrong. You have different ideas about things.
Also, people are probably getting the ages wrong because you've been very vague about them. I'm assuming your kids are around 12 and 17, and your sisters oldest is around 12, but you never made any of that clear.
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| Posted 9/5/15 9:03 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by alexb
I can see why you are upset about this as i would possibly be as well but it doesnt seem like you guys have an extremely close relationship. I know you have asked her in the past as to what her issue is and she has skirted around the topic but i would ask again and be as assertive as possible. Just point blank ask 'is there an something going on because i feel as if you are avoiding me'. The fact that you have asked in the past seems like either she wants to avoid confrontation or she thinks you may be overly sensitive and doesnt want to hurt your feelings. Either way, i would bring up the topic again ONLY if you are able to not be defensive and have an open mind. Whatever is the real issue, i hope you guys figure things out- good luck!
Thanks so much. I don't get the ignoring at her from her and her dh. I would rather have them be stern and honest then skirt around issues.
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| Posted 9/5/15 9:04 AM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
You know, I keep reading your posts and obviously this is a very strong issue for you that you wish were better....but...I can't help but notice how critical and judgmental you sound about your sister.
Your last post even said she was not very mature and adult-like.
I know this is just a forum and I could be reading into it, but IMO I am wondering if you are coming off like this IRL.
And like I said a ton of pages back....it's not just here but in other posts you've written. It seems to be a common theme against the human race when you don't get what you want.
I say this not to start drama, but hopefully for you to start thinking about how you come off.
Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to. And that's not going to change no matter how often we write about it on LIF or ***** about it IRL.
"Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to"
I totally agree with you on this. I have been fighting so hard for some things in life for so long that I have come to the reality that some things will just not change, no matter what I do.
She is a very materialistic type of person, very impressed by money and we are very different in the way we go about things so that might be the main problem. My friends are more down to earth while hers are snobby and snotty (and yes I have known them a long time to make this judgement).
So there you go!
My sister and I are also extremely different and there are lots of ways she lives her life that I certainly do not agree with, but it is what it is.
She's not going to change and neither am I.
We also don't see each other often which can be a good thing at times. 
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| Posted 9/5/15 9:05 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by evrythng4areason
Posted by alexb
I can see why you are upset about this as i would possibly be as well but it doesnt seem like you guys have an extremely close relationship. I know you have asked her in the past as to what her issue is and she has skirted around the topic but i would ask again and be as assertive as possible. Just point blank ask 'is there an something going on because i feel as if you are avoiding me'. The fact that you have asked in the past seems like either she wants to avoid confrontation or she thinks you may be overly sensitive and doesnt want to hurt your feelings. Either way, i would bring up the topic again ONLY if you are able to not be defensive and have an open mind. Whatever is the real issue, i hope you guys figure things out- good luck!
The thing is, some people just don't like confrontation. I do anything I can to avoid it, so I would never just say what was wrong with someone if they asked me. I would always skirt around the issue.
That being said, to the op, I would probably just let it go. You and your sister are obviously different and that's ok. It doesn't mean either of you is in the wrong. You have different ideas about things.
Also, people are probably getting the ages wrong because you've been very vague about them. I'm assuming your kids are around 12 and 17, and your sisters oldest is around 12, but you never made any of that clear.
Thanks so much. Yes, close enough to the ages, 2 tweens, 1 teen (almost 18) and a younger child, almost a tween.
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| Posted 9/5/15 9:05 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
You know, I keep reading your posts and obviously this is a very strong issue for you that you wish were better....but...I can't help but notice how critical and judgmental you sound about your sister.
Your last post even said she was not very mature and adult-like.
I know this is just a forum and I could be reading into it, but IMO I am wondering if you are coming off like this IRL.
And like I said a ton of pages back....it's not just here but in other posts you've written. It seems to be a common theme against the human race when you don't get what you want.
I say this not to start drama, but hopefully for you to start thinking about how you come off.
Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to. And that's not going to change no matter how often we write about it on LIF or ***** about it IRL.
"Not everyone in the world is going to respond how we want them to"
I totally agree with you on this. I have been fighting so hard for some things in life for so long that I have come to the reality that some things will just not change, no matter what I do.
She is a very materialistic type of person, very impressed by money and we are very different in the way we go about things so that might be the main problem. My friends are more down to earth while hers are snobby and snotty (and yes I have known them a long time to make this judgement).
So there you go!
My sister and I are also extremely different and there are lots of ways she lives her life that I certainly do not agree with, but it is what it is.
She's not going to change and neither am I.
We also don't see each other often which can be a good thing at times.
I just find it sad though but I guess there is only so much I can say and do as then I turn out to sound like the crazy one.
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| Posted 9/5/15 9:06 AM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Unfortunately you can choose your friends, but not your family.
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| Posted 9/5/15 9:27 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Unfortunately you can choose your friends, but not your family.
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| Posted 9/5/15 3:12 PM |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: Need Opinions
If I had a pool and was off all summer, my nieces and nephews would be able to come over any time I was home, especially if I was having other kids over who they would play well and interact with...especially if it would help me with taking care of my own kids.
I understand your disappointment with your kids not being invited to spend time with their aunt and cousins. I have the same feeling/issues with my family as well. And the worst part is that my daughter has asked many times this summer if she/we could go over to play/swim. It is hard for me to keep telling her that her aunt hasn't invited us to come, and that it is rude for us to invite ourselves.
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| Posted 9/6/15 1:40 AM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by twicethefun
I agree that its a complicated teen relationship. For whatever reason your niece and nephew don't want your kids there. There comes an age when you have to accept their feelings. Maybe you can ask your sister if she knows of a problem between them because you are concerned they are not as close as they used to be.
I think you are responsible for your own children's entertainment. I'm sorry, but in my opinion you have no right to expect her to take care of your children while you work. It sounds like your children are old enough to go to the public pool with friends. Maybe its time for them to start planning their own outings.
You have genders and ages incorrect so the story has become twisted. lol
sorry. Your Neices don't want your kids there? And I didn't mention an age. But I'm assuming they are over age 10. By ten I think they know who they want to hang out with and say it.
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| Posted 9/6/15 7:59 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by pharmcat2000
If I had a pool and was off all summer, my nieces and nephews would be able to come over any time I was home, especially if I was having other kids over who they would play well and interact with...especially if it would help me with taking care of my own kids.
I understand your disappointment with your kids not being invited to spend time with their aunt and cousins. I have the same feeling/issues with my family as well. And the worst part is that my daughter has asked many times this summer if she/we could go over to play/swim. It is hard for me to keep telling her that her aunt hasn't invited us to come, and that it is rude for us to invite ourselves.
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| Posted 9/6/15 10:09 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by twicethefun
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by twicethefun
I agree that its a complicated teen relationship. For whatever reason your niece and nephew don't want your kids there. There comes an age when you have to accept their feelings. Maybe you can ask your sister if she knows of a problem between them because you are concerned they are not as close as they used to be.
I think you are responsible for your own children's entertainment. I'm sorry, but in my opinion you have no right to expect her to take care of your children while you work. It sounds like your children are old enough to go to the public pool with friends. Maybe its time for them to start planning their own outings.
You have genders and ages incorrect so the story has become twisted. lol
sorry. Your Neices don't want your kids there? And I didn't mention an age. But I'm assuming they are over age 10. By ten I think they know who they want to hang out with and say it.
I have no nieces lol. They are nephews and YES they all get along very well. One almost a tween, 2 tweens, almost the same age and one teen almost 18.
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| Posted 9/6/15 10:10 AM |
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Mara1017
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/11 696 total posts
Name:
Mara
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Need Opinions
Just because your nephews are similar ages and get along when they are together does not mean they want to hang out together with their friends. I have cousins that are a few months younger than me and we get along fine when we are together at family events I would never really hang out with them and my friends. They are a great person just are different people with different likes. Nothing wrong with that.
Based on all your responses it seems like until you realize that it is ok to keep family
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| Posted 9/6/15 10:15 AM |
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Mara1017
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/11 696 total posts
Name:
Mara
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Need Opinions
Just because your nephews are similar ages and get along when they are together does not mean they want to hang out together with their friends. I have cousins that are a few months younger than me and we get along fine when we are together at family events I would never really hang out with them and my friends. They are a great person just are different people with different likes. Nothing wrong with that.
Based on all your responses it seems like until you realize that it is ok to keep family and friends separate you will never be happy with your sister. I understand that you have no problem mixing the two but not everyone feels that way
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| Posted 9/6/15 10:16 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Mara1017
Just because your nephews are similar ages and get along when they are together does not mean they want to hang out together with their friends. I have cousins that are a few months younger than me and we get along fine when we are together at family events I would never really hang out with them and my friends. They are a great person just are different people with different likes. Nothing wrong with that.
Based on all your responses it seems like until you realize that it is ok to keep family
Yeah I get that but it is not like that. They do many things together but it is not enough, IMO for someone that lives so close. I think the kids are losing out in the long run because the parents friends are more important. We actually got a last minute invite to a bbq this weekend because of this but it wasn't an invitation. The text was, if you want to come as we are having so and so over.
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| Posted 9/6/15 10:49 AM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
OK, now I'm really confused.
How is that not an invite?  
I often get impromptu last minute texts to stuff.
An invite is still an invite.
After pages of posts, are you going at least?!
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| Posted 9/6/15 12:33 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
OK, now I'm really confused.
How is that not an invite?
I often get impromptu last minute texts to stuff.
An invite is still an invite.
After pages of posts, are you going at least?!
My sister is not a "last minute" type of person. If she is having a party or bbq or whatever, she knows weeks in advance. She got it that I was annoyed by what she did and never intended to invite us but made it sound like, it shut you up, you can come to something else we are having. It was like she felt she had to and didn't want to. We had something else anyway, which we knew weeks in advance so we can not attend.
I don't want to be "invited" just to shut me up. I want to be invited because when the plans were made, I was thought of at THAT time, like the plans we have with friends.
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| Posted 9/6/15 1:26 PM |
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Mara1017
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/11 696 total posts
Name:
Mara
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Need Opinions
Honestly it sounds like no matter what your sister does it is not going to be enough for you. Now she is inviting you over and you have an issue with how she invited you.
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| Posted 9/6/15 1:41 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Mara1017
Honestly it sounds like no matter what your sister does it is not going to be enough for you. Now she is inviting you over and you have an issue with how she invited you.
Actually I didn't think about it until I mentioned it to my friends who know her and they actually said she did not invite you, it was more of a pity thing and when I read back the text, I could see that and I know she wasn't planning to invite us at all.
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| Posted 9/6/15 1:43 PM |
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Need Opinions
Honestly at this point I think I would focus on your other friendships and ties and continue to cherish and build those. It sucks that family ties aren't always what we want but that's when having good friends is important. :)
I wouldn't pay her any mind and maybe would pull back a bit and just have fun on your own.
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| Posted 9/6/15 1:52 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Mara1017
Honestly it sounds like no matter what your sister does it is not going to be enough for you. Now she is inviting you over and you have an issue with how she invited you.
I agree.
I'm worn out by your posts.
I can't imagine what it's like dealing with this IRL.
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| Posted 9/6/15 1:53 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Honestly at this point I think I would focus on your other friendships and ties and continue to cherish and build those. It sucks that family ties aren't always what we want but that's when having good friends is important. :)
I wouldn't pay her any mind and maybe would pull back a bit and just have fun on your own.
Yes I think that is what I am going to do. I will be the bigger person and invite her to parties I have. She has the choice to come or not, she usually does (as she is nosy and did try and follow one of my ex-friends on fb years ago which makes NO sense to me, why does someone do that?). Other than that, I am not getting upset anymore as it is not worth it and I have friends who are more like family who WANT to spend time with me and my family.
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| Posted 9/6/15 1:54 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Posted by Mara1017
Honestly it sounds like no matter what your sister does it is not going to be enough for you. Now she is inviting you over and you have an issue with how she invited you.
I agree.
I'm worn out by your posts.
I can't imagine what it's like dealing with this IRL.
Then why do you continue to read and post to them?
 
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| Posted 9/6/15 1:57 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Honestly, I don't know. I guess some people on here never cease to amaze me.
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| Posted 9/6/15 2:03 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Honestly at this point I think I would focus on your other friendships and ties and continue to cherish and build those. It sucks that family ties aren't always what we want but that's when having good friends is important. :)
I wouldn't pay her any mind and maybe would pull back a bit and just have fun on your own.
Yes I think that is what I am going to do. I will be the bigger person and invite her to parties I have. She has the choice to come or not, she usually does (as she is nosy and did try and follow one of my ex-friends on fb years ago which makes NO sense to me, why does someone do that?). Other than that, I am not getting upset anymore as it is not worth it and I have friends who are more like family who WANT to spend time with me and my family.
 you want a relationship with her supposedly, but then complain that she is coming over because she is nosy.
Honestly, you sound like some people with personality disorders I know.
Which would take therapy to help make a dent in, not LIF.
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| Posted 9/6/15 2:06 PM |
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