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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: Need Opinions
I do not think your sister is wrong. Its not her duty to entertain your kids. It would be nice but not expected.
Can you tell you husband to suck up being tired and take his kids out every now and then? If money is an issue, he can take them for a hike, to the library, to volunteer. All free. Make your OWN fun and entertainment and not wait for someone else to arrange it.
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Posted 9/1/15 1:24 PM  |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by MrsM429
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by M514
I think it just depends on the relationship with your sister and it doesn't seem like you have the type of relationship with her that you want. She is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her house and if she is having guests over, she has the right to limit who she invites. Your kids have to understand that.
Absolutely, I know that and my kids don't care, I do as I didn't grow up with cousins and I would like my kids to.
Could that be it? Maybe, because you and your sister did not grow up close with your cousins, that she doesn't realize that you want this?
Possibly. I have said things in the past though and have invited them to many things, some they don't even bother ever showing up to (kids activities). I try but maybe I should just stop.
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| Posted 9/1/15 1:47 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by MrsDrMatt
I do not think your sister is wrong. Its not her duty to entertain your kids. It would be nice but not expected.
Can you tell you husband to suck up being tired and take his kids out every now and then? If money is an issue, he can take them for a hike, to the library, to volunteer. All free. Make your OWN fun and entertainment and not wait for someone else to arrange it.
Thanks, I appreciate your opinon.
It is really not entertaining though to tell you the truth. The kids are not young that she has to per se entertain, if you know what I mean.
They do make their own fun but you have to understand they are older and the things that kids do when they are younger, do not pertain to that anymore. When it is hot, older kids like to go swimming. Again, I guess I am thinking of what "I" would do if I were home for the summer and had a pool and knew other kids did not, especially family. I have to remember that others do not feel the same way and are not as generous with their time and resources.
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| Posted 9/1/15 1:52 PM |
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MrsS6510
2 girls?!?!?
Member since 9/10 3318 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Thanks for your response. I take it respectively.
Not sure why she would have to "watch" my daughter though. She is almost 18 years old lol. I am sure she could have spared 5-10 minutes to say hi to her and she could go back to her friends.
You keep saying she could spare 5-10 minutes to say hi. But then you go back to saying your kids should be able to go swimming in her pool when she has company of her own. Swimming in someone's pool is a lot different and much more time consuming than saying hi for 5-10 minutes, especially when she already has company coming over.
I'm also kind of confused as to why, if your daughter is almost 18, she needs you, your DH, or your sister to be entertaining her during the summer. Most 17-18 year olds are spending the summer working or hanging out with their own friends. Even for transportation, at that age (before I started driving), my friends and I walked everywhere - including the town pool.
It seems that this is clearly bothering you more than your daughter. Honestly, I think you are taking it way more personally than it needs to be, and whether it's about your relationship with your sister, or any jealous thoughts, it's something that is more of an issue for you than anyone else.
It also seems that while you asked for other sides of the story, opinions, etc, you're not willing to accept that your sister isn't obligated to entertain/host/accommodate you or your children whenever you feel she should. Just because she's sitting at home by her pool (with or without friends), doesn't mean that she has to invite your kids over. She's entitled to her own quiet time, social life, down time, whatever. It's not her responsibility.
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| Posted 9/1/15 2:13 PM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Need Opinions
It is not your sister's job to call you or your children and invite them to swim in her pool. Would it be nice? Of course!! I always say, you have to ask for what you want.
Was this the only time your daughter called to ask and was told no? Or is it something that happens frequently? If it happens frequently then I would probably ask my sister what was up (and probably stop asking).
The reason, in this case, you sister said no is irrelevant. She doesn't have to give a reason at all if she doesn't want to. It's her pool so family, friend or foe - she can have whoever she wants over. Unfortunately (and for reasons I don't get) she doesn't want your kids there without you or your husband.
Thank goodness school is starting and pool season is ending!!
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| Posted 9/1/15 3:28 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by MrsS6510
Posted by afternoondelight828
Thanks for your response. I take it respectively.
Not sure why she would have to "watch" my daughter though. She is almost 18 years old lol. I am sure she could have spared 5-10 minutes to say hi to her and she could go back to her friends.
You keep saying she could spare 5-10 minutes to say hi. But then you go back to saying your kids should be able to go swimming in her pool when she has company of her own. Swimming in someone's pool is a lot different and much more time consuming than saying hi for 5-10 minutes, especially when she already has company coming over.
Yes 2 different situations.
I'm also kind of confused as to why, if your daughter is almost 18, she needs you, your DH, or your sister to be entertaining her during the summer. Most 17-18 year olds are spending the summer working or hanging out with their own friends. Even for transportation, at that age (before I started driving), my friends and I walked everywhere - including the town pool.
I didn't say she "needed" to be entertained. It is nice though on hot days to offer your pool, at least IMO and have had friends do it so I really don't get why a family member would not.
It seems that this is clearly bothering you more than your daughter. Honestly, I think you are taking it way more personally than it needs to be, and whether it's about your relationship with your sister, or any jealous thoughts, it's something that is more of an issue for you than anyone else.
Not really, it has gotten to my dh too as he feels the kids are left out all the time and these are their cousins (whom he was very close to his cousins growing up so he doesn't really understand why they wouldn't be either).
It also seems that while you asked for other sides of the story, opinions, etc, you're not willing to accept that your sister isn't obligated to entertain/host/accommodate you or your children whenever you feel she should. Just because she's sitting at home by her pool (with or without friends), doesn't mean that she has to invite your kids over. She's entitled to her own quiet time, social life, down time, whatever. It's not her
responsibility.
Oh no, I get THAT, I really do. I don't want to be attached to the hip to my family or friends either. It is just an on going thing every summer and we have tried to talk about it and they just ignore us and blow us off and change the subject.
There are some things that you do for your kids though and IMO you do the most you can to have cousins be close as they are family. I have tried time and time again and it seems like if I say something, I am the wrong one. I have seen the relationships of my dh's family with cousins and I think it is wonderful to have that support and togetherness. I guess maybe I should just stop trying.
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| Posted 9/1/15 3:37 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by KGools
It is not your sister's job to call you or your children and invite them to swim in her pool. Would it be nice? Of course!! I always say, you have to ask for what you want.
Was this the only time your daughter called to ask and was told no? Or is it something that happens frequently? If it happens frequently then I would probably ask my sister what was up (and probably stop asking).
The reason, in this case, you sister said no is irrelevant. She doesn't have to give a reason at all if she doesn't want to. It's her pool so family, friend or foe - she can have whoever she wants over. Unfortunately (and for reasons I don't get) she doesn't want your kids there without you or your husband.
Thank goodness school is starting and pool season is ending!!
We have asked for years so it is not like I say we don't get invited and do nothing about it. Once a summer I think is really not fair, I am sorry but to me, this is a big thing for kids in the summer. My friends seem to get that so I just don't get why family doesn't.
Other things have happened like them not showing up to extracurricular activities invited to and not a word was said why. It is basically I can do what I want when and you should just be fine with it, no matter if it is for the kids.
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| Posted 9/1/15 3:41 PM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by KGools
It is not your sister's job to call you or your children and invite them to swim in her pool. Would it be nice? Of course!! I always say, you have to ask for what you want.
Was this the only time your daughter called to ask and was told no? Or is it something that happens frequently? If it happens frequently then I would probably ask my sister what was up (and probably stop asking).
The reason, in this case, you sister said no is irrelevant. She doesn't have to give a reason at all if she doesn't want to. It's her pool so family, friend or foe - she can have whoever she wants over. Unfortunately (and for reasons I don't get) she doesn't want your kids there without you or your husband.
Thank goodness school is starting and pool season is ending!!
We have asked for years so it is not like I say we don't get invited and do nothing about it. Once a summer I think is really not fair, I am sorry but to me, this is a big thing for kids in the summer. My friends seem to get that so I just don't get why family doesn't.
Other things have happened like them not showing up to extracurricular activities invited to and not a word was said why. It is basically I can do what I want when and you should just be fine with it, no matter if it is for the kids.
Then there is your answer. I wouldn't waste the time asking when you know the answer each time is going to be no... which sucks.
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| Posted 9/1/15 3:47 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by KGools
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by KGools
It is not your sister's job to call you or your children and invite them to swim in her pool. Would it be nice? Of course!! I always say, you have to ask for what you want.
Was this the only time your daughter called to ask and was told no? Or is it something that happens frequently? If it happens frequently then I would probably ask my sister what was up (and probably stop asking).
The reason, in this case, you sister said no is irrelevant. She doesn't have to give a reason at all if she doesn't want to. It's her pool so family, friend or foe - she can have whoever she wants over. Unfortunately (and for reasons I don't get) she doesn't want your kids there without you or your husband.
Thank goodness school is starting and pool season is ending!!
We have asked for years so it is not like I say we don't get invited and do nothing about it. Once a summer I think is really not fair, I am sorry but to me, this is a big thing for kids in the summer. My friends seem to get that so I just don't get why family doesn't.
Other things have happened like them not showing up to extracurricular activities invited to and not a word was said why. It is basically I can do what I want when and you should just be fine with it, no matter if it is for the kids.
Then there is your answer. I wouldn't waste the time asking when you know the answer each time is going to be no... which sucks.
Yeah I think I am learning this and I do appreciate all the comments here for or against my stance as much as it doesn't sound like it 
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| Posted 9/1/15 3:49 PM |
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sameinitials
insert creative comment here
Member since 2/12 1998 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Once a summer I think is really not fair, I am sorry but to me, this is a big thing for kids in the summer.
I think this is the problem right here. It's not an issue of fairness - it's your sister's pool, she doesn't have to make sure that your children get enough pool time this summer. Would it be nice if she did? Sure. But it's not remotely her responsibility. If you think getting to go in a pool over the summer is important for kids in the summer then it's your job to make sure that happens - whether that means joining a Y with a pool, or a town pool, or whatever.
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| Posted 9/1/15 6:26 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Fortunately DS spends a lot of time with his cousins thru his grandparents.
DH often encourages me to spend more time with his sister, but I need my weekends to unwind from work and do stuff around the house so unless it's something planned in advance I'm guilty of not making the effort. Hanging out during the week rarely happens either.
And truth be told, we both don't really like her husband and his interactions with DS so that keeps us away too.
I think extended family time is not always the norm anymore because of everyone's busy schedules and other priorities.
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| Posted 9/1/15 6:26 PM |
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itsagoodlife
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/15 619 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
If your children are high school age, then why not get summer jobs? Why are you jumping through hoops to find entertainment for them? I had my first summer job at 15 as a camp counselor. No reason why they should be doing nothing and waiting for an invitation thats clearly not being extended.
As for the pool thing, I don't think its your sisters duty to invite your kids over. Would it be nice? Sure. But she is under ZERO obligation to do so.
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| Posted 9/1/15 6:36 PM |
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M514
Hi
Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by itsagoodlife
If your children are high school age, then why not get summer jobs? Why are you jumping through hoops to find entertainment for them? I had my first summer job at 15 as a camp counselor. No reason why they should be doing nothing and waiting for an invitation thats clearly not being extended.
As for the pool thing, I don't think its your sisters duty to invite your kids over. Would it be nice? Sure. But she is under ZERO obligation to do so.
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| Posted 9/1/15 7:44 PM |
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StarsStripes
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 1192 total posts
Name:
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Need Opinions
I think that YOU and your SISTER need to work on building your relationship. Hang out with her because you want her company, not because you want something from her (not saying you do this). If that improves maybe she will feel more inclined to participate more in your kids lives.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:05 PM |
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AllyMally
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/13 881 total posts
Name:
Alyson
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by olive98
Posted by afternoondelight828
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't agree with this at all. So you are saying she should cancel on her friends for your kids? That's not right.
Reading all of these posts it doesn't seem like you have a close relationship with your sister. Some people just don't. It seems like you want to and she doesn't.
I would tell her exactly what you are saying here. See what how she feels and then move on.
Nope that is not what I am saying. I AM saying that I feel that family CAN be included when you have friends over. Every time, nope but if you are having a bunch of kids over, what is the harm to ask the cousins if they would like to join? I don't think family needs to be attached to the hip but seeing one another more than a few months at a time when you only live 5 mins away is not right either, IMO.
OP with all respect that's on you as well. It sounds like you and your sister have things to work through and it may be hurting your kids.
I live OOS now but when I was near my family I did have a separate way of entertaining and it was nice to seperate the 2. Birthdays, holidays and so on yes combine friends and family but to have a playdate is different.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:15 PM |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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Need Opinions
Maybe your sister feels used for her pool. I don't know I would let it go. Next summer your kids can go to the community pool or maybe get your own If it's important to you.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:18 PM |
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Need Opinions
Honestly I read all the responses here… And I think that maybe your sister could feel that you guys are only wanted to use her for the pool?
Is that possible?
Also… I feel like your daughter calling up her aunt and asking her if she could use the pool was a little wrong… also… I feel like your daughter calling up her aunt and asking her if she could use the pool was a little wrong… (if I read correctly )
If your kids or 17 or 18 .. And her kids are the same age or at least one of them is ... You can bet your last dollar that if the kids were close and enjoyed their time together that the other 17 or 18-year-old would be inviting your daughter over.
Hate to say this… And maybe I'm wrong .. But sometimes when there are two teen family members , One may not really wish to spend their spare time with them. Of course everyone hopes that all relatives and kids get along well , but that's not always the case.
Just as an example… When I was 16, 16, 18 and had my own group of friends and everything, I really wouldn't want the family member that was around the same age as me coming over and hanging with my friends or using my pool. It's not that I don't (or didn't) like her , She just wasn't a friend , you know? She was a family member and I loved her but it's not the same as having a friend by choice
I feel that could be maybe what's going on here ? Clearly it's something… they have a reason for this. And whatever it is, might be really hard for them to say and might hurt your feelings
Sorry for the grammar errors… Doing speech to text
Message edited 9/1/2015 8:29:10 PM.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:25 PM |
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Need Opinions
Message edited 9/1/2015 8:26:36 PM.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:26 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Need Opinions
It sounds to me like this is a recurring summer issue. I would urge your 17/18 year old daughter to get a summer job. She is old enough to have one. What is she going to do for spending money for the prom or for college?
If she is a similar age as her cousin 16-18, it sounds to me like they are not friends. They are family. Would it have been nice for them to hang out and be close? Of course it would, but it reads like they just don't have that kind of relationship. Where are your daughter's friends? Even if she does not have a car, I remember going out with friends at that age. I would go to work for the summer too. I was working by age 14.
It also sounds like your sister and you are not close. I am sorry if you wish it were otherwise, but if she is not coming to your events and not really inviting you to hang out, it seems like you and she don't really see eye to eye. I would have a heart to heart with her and ask her if you inadvertently did something wrong. Then apologize. I would see what she has to say to you. It sounds like you would like a closer relationship, so forget about the pool and work on the relationship.
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| Posted 9/1/15 9:13 PM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: Need Opinions
I think you should separate the pool with your sister not seeing you and your kids enough. You should try to get together more often and not mention the pool. I don't think the pool should be part of the equation.
We joined a swim club so that our kids can swim whenever they want. That is very common where we live. Before we had a membership, I felt like I was always waiting for an invitation to their private or community pool.
eta: I just saw that your daughter is a teenager. By that age, kids have their own friends. The cousins are either super close and hang out often or just see one another during family affairs. I don't think your sister should be inviting your teenage children over. The teenage cousins should be reaching out to your teenager daughter to hang out.
Message edited 9/1/2015 9:49:19 PM.
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| Posted 9/1/15 9:46 PM |
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Daisy32
Mommy
Member since 2/08 8081 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Honestly I really don't think you're asking too much here...and I'd probably feel the same way in your shoes.
Also want to add that I think a lot of people are really reaching with their responses. JMHO 
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| Posted 9/2/15 10:26 AM |
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Poppyseed79
LIF Adult
Member since 10/14 935 total posts
Name:
"Reg"
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Daisy32
Honestly I really don't think you're asking too much here...and I'd probably feel the same way in your shoes.
Also want to add that I think a lot of people are really reaching with their responses. JMHO
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| Posted 9/2/15 10:31 AM |
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mommyagain3
LIF Infant
Member since 6/15 144 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by KGools
It is not your sister's job to call you or your children and invite them to swim in her pool. Would it be nice? Of course!! I always say, you have to ask for what you want.
Was this the only time your daughter called to ask and was told no? Or is it something that happens frequently? If it happens frequently then I would probably ask my sister what was up (and probably stop asking).
The reason, in this case, you sister said no is irrelevant. She doesn't have to give a reason at all if she doesn't want to. It's her pool so family, friend or foe - she can have whoever she wants over. Unfortunately (and for reasons I don't get) she doesn't want your kids there without you or your husband.
Thank goodness school is starting and pool season is ending!!
We have asked for years so it is not like I say we don't get invited and do nothing about it. Once a summer I think is really not fair, I am sorry but to me, this is a big thing for kids in the summer. My friends seem to get that so I just don't get why family doesn't.
Other things have happened like them not showing up to extracurricular activities invited to and not a word was said why. It is basically I can do what I want when and you should just be fine with it, no matter if it is for the kids.
I think you may be reading too much into it. My sister has kids ranging from 11 to 22 and my children are 7 & 9. I can't make a lot of her children's extracurricular activities nor can make my children's activities...life is just too busy and gets in the way. It isn't personal..it's just schedules. While I invite my siblings' children (my kids' cousins) over often to go to the beach or in the pool...I don't do it weekly. I'm not sure how old your sister's kids are compared to your children's kid age but I wouldn't invite my 15 year old nephew to a pool party I'm having for my 7 year old and his friends. Nor would he want to be invited. But, this is not a reflection of how I feel about them at all.
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| Posted 9/2/15 1:05 PM |
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LotsaLuv
Us
Member since 6/10 4094 total posts
Name:
F
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Need Opinions
I grew up very close with my cousins, and can't imagine my aunts ever denying me time at their house, even when my cousins friends were over, we all just played together.
With that said, everyone is different. I know you keep saying your kids are older, but that doesn't mean your sister doesn't have to entertain them or keep some kind of an eye on them. I am not sure how many kids you have, but anything more than 1 is a lot no matter how old they are. Maybe she told your daughter she couldn't come that day because she didn't want the others coming too, extra kids on top of your own is a lot of work.
I am also wondering why your 18 year old is not doing anything during the day with her summer? I know at that age I was always with my friends, why isn't she making plans with friends instead of sitting around bored all week?
From your responses it sounds like you are unhappy that she puts friends first, and you only see each other a couple times a year even though you only live 5 minutes away from each other. Maybe there is something that bothers her on her end that she hasn't opened up about yet, especially since she gave you a lame excuse when you brought this up to her.
I would probably be a little hurt too if my kids were only invited over once over the whole summer, so I get where you are coming from.
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| Posted 9/2/15 3:39 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Honestly I read all the responses here… And I think that maybe your sister could feel that you guys are only wanted to use her for the pool?
Is that possible?
Also… I feel like your daughter calling up her aunt and asking her if she could use the pool was a little wrong… also… I feel like your daughter calling up her aunt and asking her if she could use the pool was a little wrong… (if I read correctly )
If your kids or 17 or 18 .. And her kids are the same age or at least one of them is ... You can bet your last dollar that if the kids were close and enjoyed their time together that the other 17 or 18-year-old would be inviting your daughter over.
Hate to say this… And maybe I'm wrong .. But sometimes when there are two teen family members , One may not really wish to spend their spare time with them. Of course everyone hopes that all relatives and kids get along well , but that's not always the case.
Just as an example… When I was 16, 16, 18 and had my own group of friends and everything, I really wouldn't want the family member that was around the same age as me coming over and hanging with my friends or using my pool. It's not that I don't (or didn't) like her , She just wasn't a friend , you know? She was a family member and I loved her but it's not the same as having a friend by choice
I feel that could be maybe what's going on here ? Clearly it's something… they have a reason for this. And whatever it is, might be really hard for them to say and might hurt your feelings
Sorry for the grammar errors… Doing speech to text
Only one teen and others tween and younger.
She didn't call to use the pool, just to stop by and say hi.
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| Posted 9/2/15 4:47 PM |
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