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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
I think it really is the person she is as I have friends who have offered their pool for us to use with or without them there and have been to their houses more than my own family.
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't think it's fair to say that she's not putting "family first"... This isn't a life or death situation it's the use of the pool. It's not like she's choosing a night out with friends over a family event.
Are you sure your kids are behaved over there? I love one of my SIL's but never have her kids over because they're animals.
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Posted 9/1/15 8:47 AM  |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by olive98
Posted by afternoondelight828
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't agree with this at all. So you are saying she should cancel on her friends for your kids? That's not right.
Reading all of these posts it doesn't seem like you have a close relationship with your sister. Some people just don't. It seems like you want to and she doesn't.
I would tell her exactly what you are saying here. See what how she feels and then move on.
Nope that is not what I am saying. I AM saying that I feel that family CAN be included when you have friends over. Every time, nope but if you are having a bunch of kids over, what is the harm to ask the cousins if they would like to join? I don't think family needs to be attached to the hip but seeing one another more than a few months at a time when you only live 5 mins away is not right either, IMO.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:49 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Katareen
Posted by afternoondelight828
I think it really is the person she is as I have friends who have offered their pool for us to use with or without them there and have been to their houses more than my own family.
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't think it's fair to say that she's not putting "family first"... This isn't a life or death situation it's the use of the pool. It's not like she's choosing a night out with friends over a family event.
Are you sure your kids are behaved over there? I love one of my SIL's but never have her kids over because they're animals.
No, that was not my point. My point was that my dd, asked if she could stop by and was told no. It was adults AND kids, not like it was an all adults party and it was in the middle of the day.
Yes, I am sure my kids are behaved. They are tween and teen and are more than a help than a hinder. lol.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:50 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
Posted by Pomegranate5
I absolutely see your point. TBH, once a week is a bit much, but I would be pretty hurt if my kids were only invited over once the whole summer...ESPECIALLY since you're close enough for your kids to babysit hers.
I feel closer to many of my friends than I do my sister (and my kids are closer with their friends than their cousins), but my nieces and nephews would still be welcome over anytime that i was going to be home if I had a pool.
I feel bad for your kids.
This
Without knowing everything , I think your sister is being kinda mean. My nieces and nephew can live here if they wanted to. Whether I get along with their parents at the Ike or not. I couldn't imagine having them live so close and not have them here all the time.
But that's just me. Maybe your sister isn't the "your kids are my kids" kind of aunt?
I agree. If I was home in the summer and had a pool my nephew would be here everyday and I wouldn't mind one bit..but that is our family dynamic. Me and my siblings are super close and I treat my nephew like he's my kid.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:57 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by jellybean78
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
Posted by Pomegranate5
I absolutely see your point. TBH, once a week is a bit much, but I would be pretty hurt if my kids were only invited over once the whole summer...ESPECIALLY since you're close enough for your kids to babysit hers.
I feel closer to many of my friends than I do my sister (and my kids are closer with their friends than their cousins), but my nieces and nephews would still be welcome over anytime that i was going to be home if I had a pool.
I feel bad for your kids.
This
Without knowing everything , I think your sister is being kinda mean. My nieces and nephew can live here if they wanted to. Whether I get along with their parents at the Ike or not. I couldn't imagine having them live so close and not have them here all the time.
But that's just me. Maybe your sister isn't the "your kids are my kids" kind of aunt?
I agree. If I was home in the summer and had a pool my nephew would be here everyday and I wouldn't mind one bit..but that is our family dynamic. Me and my siblings are super close and I treat my nephew like he's my kid.
Yeah, maybe it is just a personality thing.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:58 AM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Katareen
Posted by afternoondelight828
I think it really is the person she is as I have friends who have offered their pool for us to use with or without them there and have been to their houses more than my own family.
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't think it's fair to say that she's not putting "family first"... This isn't a life or death situation it's the use of the pool. It's not like she's choosing a night out with friends over a family event.
Are you sure your kids are behaved over there? I love one of my SIL's but never have her kids over because they're animals.
No, that was not my point. My point was that my dd, asked if she could stop by and was told no. It was adults AND kids, not like it was an all adults party and it was in the middle of the day.
Yes, I am sure my kids are behaved. They are tween and teen and are more than a help than a hinder. lol.
Are you sure she also feels that way? I think most people view their children much differently than others do.
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| Posted 9/1/15 9:03 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Katareen
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Katareen
Posted by afternoondelight828
I think it really is the person she is as I have friends who have offered their pool for us to use with or without them there and have been to their houses more than my own family.
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't think it's fair to say that she's not putting "family first"... This isn't a life or death situation it's the use of the pool. It's not like she's choosing a night out with friends over a family event.
Are you sure your kids are behaved over there? I love one of my SIL's but never have her kids over because they're animals.
No, that was not my point. My point was that my dd, asked if she could stop by and was told no. It was adults AND kids, not like it was an all adults party and it was in the middle of the day.
Yes, I am sure my kids are behaved. They are tween and teen and are more than a help than a hinder. lol.
Are you sure she also feels that way? I think most people view their children much differently than others do.
Yep as I have asked.
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| Posted 9/1/15 9:09 AM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: Need Opinions
I didnt read all the responses. But do your kids and hers get along?. Maybe her kids said that your kids are annoying or something so thats why shes not asking them over? NOT that your kids are annoying, i dont know them lol you know what i mean, i hope LOL
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| Posted 9/1/15 9:17 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
I find that most of what you expressed about your kids being bored all summer and entitlement to her pool to suggest that the relationship with your sister is the biggest factor here. You seem jealous. Your sister would pick up on that also. If you feel your kids are treated as "second class citizens" there has to be more going on than not being invited to their pool. Have you extended yourself to spend time with her kids? In what ways do you treat her kids like "first-class" that you feel isn't reciprocated?
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| Posted 9/1/15 9:17 AM |
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Mara1017
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/11 696 total posts
Name:
Mara
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by olive98
Posted by afternoondelight828
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't agree with this at all. So you are saying she should cancel on her friends for your kids? That's not right.
Reading all of these posts it doesn't seem like you have a close relationship with your sister. Some people just don't. It seems like you want to and she doesn't.
I would tell her exactly what you are saying here. See what how she feels and then move on.
Nope that is not what I am saying. I AM saying that I feel that family CAN be included when you have friends over. Every time, nope but if you are having a bunch of kids over, what is the harm to ask the cousins if they would like to join? I don't think family needs to be attached to the hip but seeing one another more than a few months at a time when you only live 5 mins away is not right either, IMO.
I think that is the problem you are having. You have no problem mixing groups but not everyone feels that way. I will not say that I don't ever mix groups but I do not like to. For example, I am having a BBQ at my house on Friday. We invited a few of my husband's friends. One of my best friends asked to hang out on Friday. I said I was having a BBQ and I did not invite her.
For me I don't like mixing groups because then I feel like I have to split my time between the two groups making sure everyone is having fun.
You have said numerous times that your children are so much older than your sister's children so it is not even like they all go to school together and are friends outside of being family.
I think you are expecting too much from your sister. If you want to spend more time with your sister and her family you should make plans as a family and not just sending your children to her house to use the pool. That is not family time in my eyes.
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| Posted 9/1/15 9:59 AM |
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M514
Hi
Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
Name:
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Need Opinions
I think it just depends on the relationship with your sister and it doesn't seem like you have the type of relationship with her that you want. She is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her house and if she is having guests over, she has the right to limit who she invites. Your kids have to understand that.
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| Posted 9/1/15 11:51 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
To me, it sounds like something may have happened one day when your kids were at her pool. She may not be telling you because she wants to avoid an argument. I think that is at least a possibility.
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| Posted 9/1/15 11:58 AM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by MrsD121011
I have a pool and I can assure you that if I knew my brother or sisters children were sitting in a house watching TV alon while my kids were in our pool playing with friends and having a blast you better believe I would be going to get those kids so they could have fun too! I believe their kids are just like my own and I would want them to feel the same way.
I feel bad for the kids and it sucks that their Aunt leaves them out. Sorry...
Ditto!
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| Posted 9/1/15 12:10 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by J9-13
Posted by MrsD121011
I have a pool and I can assure you that if I knew my brother or sisters children were sitting in a house watching TV alon while my kids were in our pool playing with friends and having a blast you better believe I would be going to get those kids so they could have fun too! I believe their kids are just like my own and I would want them to feel the same way.
I feel bad for the kids and it sucks that their Aunt leaves them out. Sorry...
Ditto!
I am going to play devil's advocate for just a moment.
WE think this. I agree with you. If it were *my* family they could use my pool anytime they wanted.
However its not me, or my feelings. Doesn't even matter if we all agree its the right thing to do (and we do agree on that). It matters what the SISTER thinks.
And how many times have we read, on THIS board, "The balls of some people" "The nerve" "The entitlement" "How could they think this is right" "Why do I have to cater to THEm".....etc etc.
It would be nice if they sister was open. But she CLEARLY does not want the "burden" of having to "watch" these kids.
Even when your DD texted her about the party. You sister might have felt she would have to watch your daughter while entertaining a bunch of people. And its not fair to put her in THAT position. How many women have come on and said "I cant believe I was even PUT in THAT position".
My guess is that its better your sister does not resent you for "dumping" your kids on her all the time.
Again, submitted VERY respectively. Just trying to show the other side.
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| Posted 9/1/15 12:17 PM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Need Opinions
I'm sorry your kids are being left out.
I have to say that I keep family and friends separate as much as I can. I also keep DH's family separate from mine as much as possible. Some of my family members are so far out there and inappropriate. From the stories they tell, to their manners. It's embarrassing and it makes people feel awkward when they are around. That doesn't mean I don't love those family members. I really just don't want to deal with it regularly. Not saying this is how your sister feels, I am just responding to why someone might not want to include family members at parties with their friends.
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| Posted 9/1/15 12:24 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Lara&Aidansmommy
I didnt read all the responses. But do your kids and hers get along?. Maybe her kids said that your kids are annoying or something so thats why shes not asking them over? NOT that your kids are annoying, i dont know them lol you know what i mean, i hope LOL
Nope, the kids get along very well.
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| Posted 9/1/15 12:55 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by LastLightGlow
I find that most of what you expressed about your kids being bored all summer and entitlement to her pool to suggest that the relationship with your sister is the biggest factor here. You seem jealous. Your sister would pick up on that also. If you feel your kids are treated as "second class citizens" there has to be more going on than not being invited to their pool. Have you extended yourself to spend time with her kids? In what ways do you treat her kids like "first-class" that you feel isn't reciprocated?
Not jealous at all as I think cousin's should grow up together.
Yep we do things with her kids without her and they are always welcome at my home and she knows that.
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| Posted 9/1/15 12:57 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Mara1017
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by olive98
Posted by afternoondelight828
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't agree with this at all. So you are saying she should cancel on her friends for your kids? That's not right.
Reading all of these posts it doesn't seem like you have a close relationship with your sister. Some people just don't. It seems like you want to and she doesn't.
I would tell her exactly what you are saying here. See what how she feels and then move on.
Nope that is not what I am saying. I AM saying that I feel that family CAN be included when you have friends over. Every time, nope but if you are having a bunch of kids over, what is the harm to ask the cousins if they would like to join? I don't think family needs to be attached to the hip but seeing one another more than a few months at a time when you only live 5 mins away is not right either, IMO.
I think that is the problem you are having. You have no problem mixing groups but not everyone feels that way. I will not say that I don't ever mix groups but I do not like to. For example, I am having a BBQ at my house on Friday. We invited a few of my husband's friends. One of my best friends asked to hang out on Friday. I said I was having a BBQ and I did not invite her.
For me I don't like mixing groups because then I feel like I have to split my time between the two groups making sure everyone is having fun.
You have said numerous times that your children are so much older than your sister's children so it is not even like they all go to school together and are friends outside of being family.
I think you are expecting too much from your sister. If you want to spend more time with your sister and her family you should make plans as a family and not just sending your children to her house to use the pool. That is not family time in my eyes.
No, out of the 4 kids, 2 are the exact same age.
I have tried as a family too, so it is not just that I am trying to push my kids off on her for days on end.
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| Posted 9/1/15 12:59 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by M514
I think it just depends on the relationship with your sister and it doesn't seem like you have the type of relationship with her that you want. She is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her house and if she is having guests over, she has the right to limit who she invites. Your kids have to understand that.
Absolutely, I know that and my kids don't care, I do as I didn't grow up with cousins and I would like my kids to.
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| Posted 9/1/15 1:00 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by oldtimerocknroll
To me, it sounds like something may have happened one day when your kids were at her pool. She may not be telling you because she wants to avoid an argument. I think that is at least a possibility.
Can't possibly be as they are never invited and she would tell me right away.
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| Posted 9/1/15 1:02 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Paramount
Posted by J9-13
Posted by MrsD121011
I have a pool and I can assure you that if I knew my brother or sisters children were sitting in a house watching TV alon while my kids were in our pool playing with friends and having a blast you better believe I would be going to get those kids so they could have fun too! I believe their kids are just like my own and I would want them to feel the same way.
I feel bad for the kids and it sucks that their Aunt leaves them out. Sorry...
Ditto!
I am going to play devil's advocate for just a moment.
WE think this. I agree with you. If it were *my* family they could use my pool anytime they wanted.
However its not me, or my feelings. Doesn't even matter if we all agree its the right thing to do (and we do agree on that). It matters what the SISTER thinks.
And how many times have we read, on THIS board, "The balls of some people" "The nerve" "The entitlement" "How could they think this is right" "Why do I have to cater to THEm".....etc etc.
It would be nice if they sister was open. But she CLEARLY does not want the "burden" of having to "watch" these kids.
Even when your DD texted her about the party. You sister might have felt she would have to watch your daughter while entertaining a bunch of people. And its not fair to put her in THAT position. How many women have come on and said "I cant believe I was even PUT in THAT position".
My guess is that its better your sister does not resent you for "dumping" your kids on her all the time.
Again, submitted VERY respectively. Just trying to show the other side.
Thanks for your response. I take it respectively.
Not sure why she would have to "watch" my daughter though. She is almost 18 years old lol. I am sure she could have spared 5-10 minutes to say hi to her and she could go back to her friends.
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| Posted 9/1/15 1:05 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by SecretlyTTC14
I'm sorry your kids are being left out.
I have to say that I keep family and friends separate as much as I can. I also keep DH's family separate from mine as much as possible. Some of my family members are so far out there and inappropriate. From the stories they tell, to their manners. It's embarrassing and it makes people feel awkward when they are around. That doesn't mean I don't love those family members. I really just don't want to deal with it regularly. Not saying this is how your sister feels, I am just responding to why someone might not want to include family members at parties with their friends.
Thanks for your input. I get where you are coming from if certain groups are totally different then others.
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| Posted 9/1/15 1:05 PM |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by M514
I think it just depends on the relationship with your sister and it doesn't seem like you have the type of relationship with her that you want. She is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her house and if she is having guests over, she has the right to limit who she invites. Your kids have to understand that.
Absolutely, I know that and my kids don't care, I do as I didn't grow up with cousins and I would like my kids to.
If your kids don't care let it go. Its obvious that your sister has some kind of an issue. Just ask her what's up. If you cant then you do not have the type of relationship where your kids can just pop in whenever. You cant force a family member to be close to you. They are or they aren't.
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| Posted 9/1/15 1:07 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by olive98
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by M514
I think it just depends on the relationship with your sister and it doesn't seem like you have the type of relationship with her that you want. She is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her house and if she is having guests over, she has the right to limit who she invites. Your kids have to understand that.
Absolutely, I know that and my kids don't care, I do as I didn't grow up with cousins and I would like my kids to.
If your kids don't care let it go. Its obvious that your sister has some kind of an issue. Just ask her what's up. If you cant then you do not have the type of relationship where your kids can just pop in whenever. You cant force a family member to be close to you. They are or they aren't.
Thanks, you are right. You can't MAKE someone be like you are and as close to others as you are also.
I have contacted her already and basically didn't get a real answer and her dh didn't bother to call my dh back when he said he would.
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| Posted 9/1/15 1:10 PM |
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MrsM429
Mama x2 <3
Member since 12/10 4946 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by M514
I think it just depends on the relationship with your sister and it doesn't seem like you have the type of relationship with her that you want. She is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her house and if she is having guests over, she has the right to limit who she invites. Your kids have to understand that.
Absolutely, I know that and my kids don't care, I do as I didn't grow up with cousins and I would like my kids to.
Could that be it? Maybe, because you and your sister did not grow up close with your cousins, that she doesn't realize that you want this?
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| Posted 9/1/15 1:21 PM |
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