| Posted By |
Message |
Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
|
Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
DD is in an upcoming wedding as the flower girl. Neither DH or I are in the wedding, and are only attending as guests. The bride and groom are not family members.
What should I expect to be involved in when it comes to planning and/or paying for a shower?
I'm trying to get an idea of the norm, even though it may be different for everyone.
TIA 
|
Posted 8/3/15 11:09 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
luckysmom
Yes it is! Going as planned:)
Member since 6/07 5339 total posts
Name:
|
Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
If you are not in the bridal party and your DD is the flower girl, I would not expect that you would have to contribute towards the bridal shower or be involved in the planning. I would expect to go to the shower with a gift as I would any other bridal shower that I am not in the bridal party.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 11:19 AM |
| |
|
chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by luckysmom
If you are not in the bridal party and your DD is the flower girl, I would not expect that you would have to contribute towards the bridal shower or be involved in the planning. I would expect to go to the shower with a gift as I would any other bridal shower that I am not in the bridal party.
I agree
|
| Posted 8/3/15 11:19 AM |
| |
|
Poppyseed79
LIF Adult
Member since 10/14 935 total posts
Name:
"Reg"
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by chilltocam
Posted by luckysmom
If you are not in the bridal party and your DD is the flower girl, I would not expect that you would have to contribute towards the bridal shower or be involved in the planning. I would expect to go to the shower with a gift as I would any other bridal shower that I am not in the bridal party.
I agree
|
| Posted 8/3/15 11:25 AM |
| |
|
Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by Poppyseed79
Posted by chilltocam
Posted by luckysmom
If you are not in the bridal party and your DD is the flower girl, I would not expect that you would have to contribute towards the bridal shower or be involved in the planning. I would expect to go to the shower with a gift as I would any other bridal shower that I am not in the bridal party.
I agree
Ok thanks! That's what I thought, but a comment was made today that they are expecting me to contribute cash for the shower so I want to be prepared for the inevitable discussion about how much, if anything, we're able to contribute.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 11:45 AM |
| |
|
PaddysGirl
Little princess is here!
Member since 4/07 5923 total posts
Name:
Crystal
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by Poppyseed79
Posted by chilltocam
Posted by luckysmom
If you are not in the bridal party and your DD is the flower girl, I would not expect that you would have to contribute towards the bridal shower or be involved in the planning. I would expect to go to the shower with a gift as I would any other bridal shower that I am not in the bridal party.
I agree
Ok thanks! That's what I thought, but a comment was made today that they are expecting me to contribute cash for the shower so I want to be prepared for the inevitable discussion about how much, if anything, we're able to contribute.
That's a little crazy
|
| Posted 8/3/15 1:55 PM |
| |
|
Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by Pomegranate5
Ok thanks! That's what I thought, but a comment was made today that they are expecting me to contribute cash for the shower so I want to be prepared for the inevitable discussion about how much, if anything, we're able to contribute.
That is THE most REDICULOUS thing I have EVER heard.
"the shower is thrown by the brides mother, the bridesmaids and flower girl".
No. Its BEYOND tacky for them to ask you to contribute. a FLOWER GIRL does NOT contribute, EVER.
I cant even believe they said that to you.
'While I appreciate you asking for a contribution, we had the understanding that she is just a flower girl and not a bridesmaid."
I know you don't want to ruffle feathers, but there has to be a kind way of saying a FLOWER GIRL does not contribute to a shower.
Unbelievable.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 3:42 PM |
| |
|
jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Pomegranate5
Ok thanks! That's what I thought, but a comment was made today that they are expecting me to contribute cash for the shower so I want to be prepared for the inevitable discussion about how much, if anything, we're able to contribute.
That is THE most REDICULOUS thing I have EVER heard.
"the shower is thrown by the brides mother, the bridesmaids and flower girl".
No. Its BEYOND tacky for them to ask you to contribute. a FLOWER GIRL does NOT contribute, EVER.
I cant even believe they said that to you.
'While I appreciate you asking for a contribution, we had the understanding that she is just a flower girl and not a bridesmaid."
I know you don't want to ruffle feathers, but there has to be a kind way of saying a FLOWER GIRL does not contribute to a shower.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, I agree with this. I'd be shocked if someone said that to me.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 3:49 PM |
| |
|
LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Pomegranate5
Ok thanks! That's what I thought, but a comment was made today that they are expecting me to contribute cash for the shower so I want to be prepared for the inevitable discussion about how much, if anything, we're able to contribute.
That is THE most REDICULOUS thing I have EVER heard.
"the shower is thrown by the brides mother, the bridesmaids and flower girl".
No. Its BEYOND tacky for them to ask you to contribute. a FLOWER GIRL does NOT contribute, EVER.
I cant even believe they said that to you.
'While I appreciate you asking for a contribution, we had the understanding that she is just a flower girl and not a bridesmaid."
I know you don't want to ruffle feathers, but there has to be a kind way of saying a FLOWER GIRL does not contribute to a shower.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, I agree with this. I'd be shocked if someone said that to me.
completely agree. I would think about pulling dd out as flower girl over being made to contribute to a shower for a non family member. I would give a normal present for the shower. By having your dc as a flower girl, while it is an honor, it really is an expense for you. For a family member, if need be I might contribute but only for a sibling.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 3:56 PM |
| |
|
Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Pomegranate5
Ok thanks! That's what I thought, but a comment was made today that they are expecting me to contribute cash for the shower so I want to be prepared for the inevitable discussion about how much, if anything, we're able to contribute.
That is THE most REDICULOUS thing I have EVER heard.
"the shower is thrown by the brides mother, the bridesmaids and flower girl".
No. Its BEYOND tacky for them to ask you to contribute. a FLOWER GIRL does NOT contribute, EVER.
I cant even believe they said that to you.
'While I appreciate you asking for a contribution, we had the understanding that she is just a flower girl and not a bridesmaid."
I know you don't want to ruffle feathers, but there has to be a kind way of saying a FLOWER GIRL does not contribute to a shower.
Unbelievable.
LOL thank you! Unfortunately, early on I mentioned to the MOH that if she needed help to let me know, so now I'm kind of in a strange position. I was referring to decorations or helping with invites, NOT to being a full contributing member of the shower throwing committee. And I said this because I'm actually closer to the MOH than the bride so I was trying to offer support because I think she's overwhelmed.
But I don't want to make too many waves. I'll talk to DH and set a cap on my contribution and if they ask any more than that I'm going to have to have an uncomfortable conversation, but whatever.  Maybe she'll change her mind and won't ask me.
ETA - Because I initially made the "mistake" of offering to help I don't really blame her. And I really don't mind chipping in toward the drinks, or decorations. But I want to make sure that if she turns around and asks for say $400 toward the catering bill and I say NO, I'm not being unreasonable.
Message edited 8/3/2015 4:10:02 PM.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 4:04 PM |
| |
|
jams92
Member since 1/12 6105 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
i would not expect to be anything aside from a guest at the shower. In fact, my dd was a flower girl at a recent wedding and she was not even invited to the shower.
Since you said you offered to help, maybe if they do ask, you can say oh I meant i can help decorate or pick up the cake etc.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 4:23 PM |
| |
|
Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Pomegranate5
Ok thanks! That's what I thought, but a comment was made today that they are expecting me to contribute cash for the shower so I want to be prepared for the inevitable discussion about how much, if anything, we're able to contribute.
That is THE most REDICULOUS thing I have EVER heard.
"the shower is thrown by the brides mother, the bridesmaids and flower girl".
No. Its BEYOND tacky for them to ask you to contribute. a FLOWER GIRL does NOT contribute, EVER.
I cant even believe they said that to you.
'While I appreciate you asking for a contribution, we had the understanding that she is just a flower girl and not a bridesmaid."
I know you don't want to ruffle feathers, but there has to be a kind way of saying a FLOWER GIRL does not contribute to a shower.
Unbelievable.
LOL thank you! Unfortunately, early on I mentioned to the MOH that if she needed help to let me know, so now I'm kind of in a strange position. I was referring to decorations or helping with invites, NOT to being a full contributing member of the shower throwing committee. And I said this because I'm actually closer to the MOH than the bride so I was trying to offer support because I think she's overwhelmed.
But I don't want to make too many waves. I'll talk to DH and set a cap on my contribution and if they ask any more than that I'm going to have to have an uncomfortable conversation, but whatever. Maybe she'll change her mind and won't ask me.
ETA - Because I initially made the "mistake" of offering to help I don't really blame her. And I really don't mind chipping in toward the drinks, or decorations. But I want to make sure that if she turns around and asks for say $400 toward the catering bill and I say NO, I'm not being unreasonable.
Just clarify that you actually meant practical help when you offered (and give some examples like you did above), and not monetary help. There's no reason you should be expected to contribute any $$ towards the shower!
|
| Posted 8/3/15 5:42 PM |
| |
|
Leb
LIF Adult
Member since 12/09 4166 total posts
Name:
|
Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
My dd was a flower girl once but I was MOH so I contributed. However if I wasn't in the party I wouldn't expect to.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 5:52 PM |
| |
|
jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Posted by Paramount
Posted by Pomegranate5
Ok thanks! That's what I thought, but a comment was made today that they are expecting me to contribute cash for the shower so I want to be prepared for the inevitable discussion about how much, if anything, we're able to contribute.
That is THE most REDICULOUS thing I have EVER heard.
"the shower is thrown by the brides mother, the bridesmaids and flower girl".
No. Its BEYOND tacky for them to ask you to contribute. a FLOWER GIRL does NOT contribute, EVER.
I cant even believe they said that to you.
'While I appreciate you asking for a contribution, we had the understanding that she is just a flower girl and not a bridesmaid."
I know you don't want to ruffle feathers, but there has to be a kind way of saying a FLOWER GIRL does not contribute to a shower.
Unbelievable.
ITA with everything Paramount said. Flower girls don't contribute!!!
|
| Posted 8/3/15 5:59 PM |
| |
|
MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
That's insane that they would expect the flower girl to contribute to the shower. Have people lost their minds?! What's next? Is the flower girl expected to pay for the stripper at the bachelorette party too? People have no limits these days.
If she mentions something I would cut it off right there and tell her politely that you will bring a gift of course, but that when you asked if she needed help planning, that as the mother of the flower girl you meant you offered to pitch in by putting up decorations the day of and to let you know if they need you to do so the day of the party or if they have that covered. End of story.
Message edited 8/3/2015 6:01:33 PM.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 6:00 PM |
| |
|
Sweetlax22
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 1904 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Just make sure you have the same say as all of the other bridesmaids if you will be contributing towards the shower.
I know for my shower my 2 flower girls counted as one bridesmaid (they are sisters) and my aunt (their mom) had the same pull as all of the bridesmaids. With that being said my mom paid for the bulk of the shower so the wedding party was just paying for gifts and some decorations.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 8:52 PM |
| |
|
Anxious3
LIF Infant
Member since 1/13 164 total posts
Name:
floof
|
Re: Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
When I was in this situation, I did nothing extra other than pay for all of DC's wedding attire. I didn't contribute to the shower or even attend the bachelorette party. We had a lot of fun at the shower watching the bride open gifts but we just gave a regular gift and that was it.
|
| Posted 8/3/15 9:04 PM |
| |
|
bunnyluck
LIF Adult
Member since 1/14 3196 total posts
Name:
|
Question about a bridal shower if DC is in the wedding
Just when I think I've heard it all....
|
| Posted 8/3/15 9:24 PM |
| |
|
