Advice needed- 4/5 year olds- secrets etc

So my almost 5 year old is curious about "private parts" I understand this is the age but his cousins taught him to not tell mom and dad and to have "secret" of showing each other their parts. Now he is doing this on play dates. He knows it is wrong and we talk about keeping our body private- we said he was the pants police n should never pull down pants and tell us if anyone does. We didn't shame him at all and told him it's ok to ask questions etc. how do you handle all this? What gets me is the secret part. He tells me everything but now thinks it's cool to have this private secret and I don't like that. What do we do? I spoke to him that secyrets aren't good and he can tell us anything and we won't be mad etc. please help- he is a good kid and this is making me feel awful and worry a lot about him. TIA

Re: Advice needed- 4/5 year olds- secrets etc

How old are his cousins? I would think about talking to them and/or their parents about what's going on and not encouraging secrets. We tell DS (5 yo) he must not keep secrets from mommy and daddy, and he is only to show his privates to mommy and daddy when we are giving him a bath/cleaning him, and the doctor during an exam. No one else. He seems to get it. Sorry you are going through this.

Re: Advice needed- 4/5 year olds- secrets etc

Ugh, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. That's a tough age to rationalize with and at that age they thing anything associated with private parts is extremely funny. I think it sounds like you are doing the right thing and nipping it in the bud. You said he is doing this on playdates - I would be concerned for him to do this in school because it could really escalate into a bad situation - I would make sure to pre-empt that by explaining to him how important privacy and personal space is and that doing what his cousins did in school will land him in the principal's office etc. Otherwise I think you are handling it great!

The only other thing I will say is I am highly disturbed that his cousins played this "game" with him - it's scary and dangerous on so many levels in this day and age especially the encouragement of keeping it a secret. How old are these cousins? I would have a serious talk with their parents and them and, maybe its extreme but, if it were my child he would not be alone with them for a LONG time.

Good luck and I am so sorry you are dealing with this! How annoying and stressful

Re: Advice needed- 4/5 year olds- secrets etc

His cousins are 6 and 8 and when we realized what happened/ their mom spoke to them about it and I spoke to DS that our bodies are private. This only happened once but DS is quick to emulate and I have a feeling he's also hearing things from kids in school possibly. I definitely will not leave him alone again and play dates now have new rules- he can only play in playroom with me there. I don't know how to take away the appeal part of this for him- I think he feels in control and cool to have a secret and that's wrong and a bad path to be on. I am really stressed about this. We had a lot of changes at home recently (I gave birth to twins in October) am wondering if that's part of all this?.