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Mags1227
Just a mommy ...
Member since 10/10 2665 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
we also disagreed on CIO, with me being for it, DH against it.
I let DH win that one. DS is almost 4 and maybe a month ago, he just started falling asleep on his own. (i used DHs business trip to teach him)
until that pint, DH had to sit with him and hodl his hand (or try to lie down with him on a twin bed) until he fell asleep and was in his heavy sleep (any movement and he would wake up and they had to start all over again)
some nights, this would take anywhere from 1-2 hrs!
each time DH complained, i reminded him that he refused to do CIO and teach DS how to fall asleep by himself.
Not saying CIO is right for a 4 month old, but just giving you something to think about.
FTR, DS did not start sleeping through the night until 6 months.
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Posted 8/19/14 11:57 AM  |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
It sounds like CIO isn't for you. Trust your instincts. Some of my friends have had success using this methodhttp://www.amazon.com/The-No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Through/dp/0071381392
Also, it sounds like your DH needs to be educated on child development. You CANNOT spoil a baby by touch and cuddling. In fact, the more responsive you are to your baby's needs the more independent and secure he will be later in life. There is so much good literature on the importance of a responsive,nurturing care giver. Fyi, I'm speaking as someone who works in the mental health field.
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| Posted 8/19/14 12:06 PM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Posted by MrsA1012
Also, it sounds like your DH needs to be educated on child development. You CANNOT spoil a baby by touch and cuddling. In fact, the more responsive you are to your baby's needs the more independent and secure he will be later in life. There is so much good literature on the importance of a responsive,nurturing care giver. Fyi, I'm speaking as someone who works in the mental health field.
Thank you for posting this. I can't tell you how much it makes me cringe when I hear people say you will spoil a baby if you hold them too much.
It's a baby, they need you, you are suppose to hug them and cuddle them and make them feel safe. They are too small to understand otherwise. Pick up those babies and hold them.
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| Posted 8/19/14 12:23 PM |
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Ballet46
LIF Infant
Member since 6/14 180 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Go with your gut mama! If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Have you tried the swing?
Message edited 8/19/2014 7:34:35 PM.
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| Posted 8/19/14 12:24 PM |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
ii am absolutely anti cio. 4 months is way to young to expect this but i know that a lot of dads (including my hubby) thing cio is the only way to go.
we tried ncss and couldnt really stick with it with twins so we started working with rebecca from sleep cadets to use the sleep lady method. my twins were never left to cry alone. now they completely sttn. it was not an instant fix and it took time. fm me if you want more info.
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| Posted 8/19/14 12:34 PM |
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melbalalala
Little Lady
Member since 5/07 5015 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Did CIO at 3.5 months, it sucked for two nights but he became an AWESOME sleeper and at 15 months still is. He's also a little snugglebear that doesn't hold it against me  I know it's not right for everyone, but nursing him to sleep and waking up more than once or twice a night wasn't for me . He gets all the attention and love he needs during the day, at night, it's time to sleep and CIO taught him that for me.
Message edited 8/19/2014 2:12:20 PM.
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| Posted 8/19/14 2:10 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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When you disagree on C.I.O.
I am all for CIO as if we had not done it my DS would still be awake at night. And no 4 months is not too young. We had to do it at 4 months otherwise he never would have slept. We had him in the RnP and it was not safe anymore and he flipped when we moved him to the crib. its not something that will physically or emotionally scar them and its the parents that are the ones that have a tough time with it.
Message edited 8/19/2014 2:27:45 PM.
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| Posted 8/19/14 2:27 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Posted by melbalalala
Did CIO at 3.5 months, it sucked for two nights but he became an AWESOME sleeper and at 15 months still is. He's also a little snugglebear that doesn't hold it against me I know it's not right for everyone, but nursing him to sleep and waking up more than once or twice a night wasn't for me . He gets all the attention and love he needs during the day, at night, it's time to sleep and CIO taught him that for me.
Same here. For us, it was at five months with our son.
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| Posted 8/19/14 5:09 PM |
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Jbon630
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 1340 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
I do not believe in CIO personally, and my DH would give it a try, but since I'm the one waking up and nursing her to sleep, he doesn't push it.
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| Posted 8/19/14 5:32 PM |
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readyfor3
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/10 751 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Listen to your mommy instincts! 4 months is waaayyy too young IMO for CIO. At 4 months when they cry it's for a reason, they are not manipulating you they need you 
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| Posted 8/19/14 7:12 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
I am very anti CIO.
That being said, 4 months old is way too young.
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| Posted 8/19/14 8:11 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Posted by JME78
I am very anti CIO.
That being said, 4 months old is way too young.
Agreed.
I also think you need to trust your mommy instincts.
Hang in there  The days go slow but the years go fast! This is such a temporary part of your and your child's life. Eventually, all kids learn to go to sleep on their own. One day when they're taking the car out and coming home at 2am, or sneaking around doing who knows what, you'll look back at this as the good old days- sleepy and all.
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| Posted 8/19/14 10:36 PM |
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Jpteach95
LIF Infant
Member since 8/13 315 total posts
Name:
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When you disagree on C.I.O.
I tried CIO....it just wasn't best for my child. It made him more anxious and attached to me. Sleep we s a nightmare in my house. He would be up 2-3 times a night. Finally, Through the help of a sleep trainer (Rebecca from Sleep Cadets)'we had some success. A big piece of it was tweaking our nighttime routine a bit and then doing a gradual release model which suited my son better. He is starting now t be more consistent in sleeping through the night. On nights he doesn't its now just one quick wake up and he's back down.
I feel your sleep pain.....you and DH need to sit and talk. It was hardest thing for DH and I as parents so far, especially bc everyone has an opinion! I will say is....we didnt start until 8 months which was too late.....but I couldn't imagine starting at 4!
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| Posted 8/20/14 6:44 AM |
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mosh913
baby boy coming spring '11
Member since 5/05 3133 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
We did CIO at 9/10 months. Both my kids started waking again at 4 months. Something about their sleep cycles changing. It sux but I wouldn't do CIO for a few more months and that was per my pediatrician! They all have different opinions.
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| Posted 8/20/14 9:10 AM |
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MrsPenthouse
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 924 total posts
Name:
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When you disagree on C.I.O.
Mother knows best, trust your instincts.
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| Posted 8/20/14 9:19 AM |
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amac27
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/09 471 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Thanks ladies. I spoke to DH and we are gonna wait til my son is at least six months to consider and type of sleep training. For right now, I'm just gonna work on teaching him to be able to put himself to sleep.
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| Posted 8/20/14 11:19 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Posted by MrsPenthouse
Mother knows best, trust your instincts.
this is a ridiculously unfair statement.
Fathers are not incompetent idiots. And mothers don't just know things, we learn them. - We usually learn MORE, and faster than the fathers do b/c we take on more and control more, and are 'expected' to 'kno best' ......but that doesn't mean that the father's opinion is irrelevant and should be brushed off.
IMO - let your DH be the one to enforce the CIO - go out for a night with your girlfriends. Be unavailable at bedtime. See if HE could handle letting the baby cry. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. Not everyone is comfrotable doing it, but it's not WRONG.
If the baby is fed, and changed, and otherwise comfortable. They'r crying b/c they want to be comforted until the fall asleep, they want to be held or rocked or whatever the case may be - the whole point is that you want them to learn fall asleep on their own. If YOU DON"T MIND having to be there every night to 'get them to sleep' then, there's no need to force them to teach themselves. - But IMO, it's unfair to do it for a year or 2, and then suddenly b/c you've had enough, tell the kid, 'no more, now deal' after they've become so used to a certain routine. -
Just a different POV ........
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| Posted 8/20/14 1:01 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by MrsPenthouse
Mother knows best, trust your instincts.
this is a ridiculously unfair statement.
Fathers are not incompetent idiots. And mothers don't just know things, we learn them. - We usually learn MORE, and faster than the fathers do b/c we take on more and control more, and are 'expected' to 'kno best' ......but that doesn't mean that the father's opinion is irrelevant and should be brushed off.
IMO - let your DH be the one to enforce the CIO - go out for a night with your girlfriends. Be unavailable at bedtime. See if HE could handle letting the baby cry. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. Not everyone is comfrotable doing it, but it's not WRONG.
If the baby is fed, and changed, and otherwise comfortable. They'r crying b/c they want to be comforted until the fall asleep, they want to be held or rocked or whatever the case may be - the whole point is that you want them to learn fall asleep on their own. If YOU DON"T MIND having to be there every night to 'get them to sleep' then, there's no need to force them to teach themselves. - But IMO, it's unfair to do it for a year or 2, and then suddenly b/c you've had enough, tell the kid, 'no more, now deal' after they've become so used to a certain routine. -
Just a different POV ........
I think you could just as easily replace the statement with trust your instinct as parent or instinct as a father. I think that if you are attuned to your child and their needs/ individual temperament you often have a strong intuitive sense of what might/might not be effective.
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| Posted 8/20/14 2:15 PM |
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MrsPenthouse
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 924 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by MrsPenthouse
Mother knows best, trust your instincts.
this is a ridiculously unfair statement.
Fathers are not incompetent idiots. And mothers don't just know things, we learn them. - We usually learn MORE, and faster than the fathers do b/c we take on more and control more, and are 'expected' to 'kno best' ......but that doesn't mean that the father's opinion is irrelevant and should be brushed off.
IMO - let your DH be the one to enforce the CIO - go out for a night with your girlfriends. Be unavailable at bedtime. See if HE could handle letting the baby cry. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. Not everyone is comfrotable doing it, but it's not WRONG.
If the baby is fed, and changed, and otherwise comfortable. They'r crying b/c they want to be comforted until the fall asleep, they want to be held or rocked or whatever the case may be - the whole point is that you want them to learn fall asleep on their own. If YOU DON"T MIND having to be there every night to 'get them to sleep' then, there's no need to force them to teach themselves. - But IMO, it's unfair to do it for a year or 2, and then suddenly b/c you've had enough, tell the kid, 'no more, now deal' after they've become so used to a certain routine. -
Just a different POV ........
I never said anything alluding to Father's being incompetent idiots so please don't put words in my mouth. I firmly believe that mothering instinct is unique, we carry our children for 9 months and we have a unique ability to tune into their needs and we need to trust our ability to do so. If you don't agree, that's your opinion which you are of course entitled to.
I don't run to my doctor for parenting advice, I don't follow "experts" who suggest feeding schedules for my unique child. I nursed my child on demand, I put gently taught him to sleep on his own when he was ready and I don't believe that parenting responsibilities end at bedtime. To each their own.
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| Posted 8/20/14 3:19 PM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
We could not CIO. That being said, both our 3yo and 5yo end up in our beds every night. We don't mind so much although our bed is a bit crowded.
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| Posted 8/20/14 3:24 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Posted by amac27
Thanks ladies. I spoke to DH and we are gonna wait til my son is at least six months to consider and type of sleep training. For right now, I'm just gonna work on teaching him to be able to put himself to sleep.
I used the eat, play, sleep routine starting at 6 weeks and DD did great. It ensured she wasn't nursing to sleep and got a full feeding rather than snack and snoozing on and off all day. I had her nap in the swing for her first nap of the day since she could fall asleep easily in that and it set her up to not be overtired all day. The next nap I would put her in the crib and stay in the room with her. I made sure to put her down the second she made a fussy noise or rubbed her face. I would fold laundry or read and if she fussed I would talk to her or rub her tummy for a minute. She got used to it pretty quickly and has been a great napper and always put herself to sleep although bedtime took a few weeks longer. It didn't stop her from waking during the night though. We still had to CIO but we did so at 16 months and I have no regrets aside from thinking I should have done it closer to a year.
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| Posted 8/20/14 3:28 PM |
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OrganicMama
So in love with my little man!
Member since 6/08 5172 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
If people would stop listening to their idiot doctors on parenting advice, there would be a lot more INSTINCTIVE, attached parenting and less detached, selfish parenting. Why is your baby's (general, directed at no one in particular) needs for comfort, closeness and food completely disregarded at night? Why is it that parents feel they can just flip a switch and your parenting duties are done at bedtime? I will never understand this. There are studies that it produces long term psychological damage in some infants. Also, it is proven that CIO creates a huge surge in stress hormones, that stick around even hours after baby falls asleep. IF IT FEELS WRONG, IT IS WRONG! And if your baby screamng for comfort and food doesn't feel wrong to you, I think that's just crazy and sick.
Message edited 8/20/2014 10:38:33 PM.
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| Posted 8/20/14 10:09 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
We did CIO with DS and it worked like a charm but he was around 6 months. I think 4 months is a little too young but I'm certainly no expert. Do what you are comfortable with. That being said, don't be afraid to try something you aren't sure about either. You never know what will work for your baby until you try it.
Good luck
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| Posted 8/20/14 11:52 PM |
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MrsPenthouse
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 924 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Posted by OrganicMama
If people would stop listening to their idiot doctors on parenting advice, there would be a lot more INSTINCTIVE, attached parenting and less detached, selfish parenting. Why is your baby's (general, directed at no one in particular) needs for comfort, closeness and food completely disregarded at night? Why is it that parents feel they can just flip a switch and your parenting duties are done at bedtime? I will never understand this. There are studies that it produces long term psychological damage in some infants. Also, it is proven that CIO creates a huge surge in stress hormones, that stick around even hours after baby falls asleep. IF IT FEELS WRONG, IT IS WRONG! And if your baby screamng for comfort and food doesn't feel wrong to you, I think that's just crazy and sick.
I admire you for voicing this and fully agree....we are just such a minority on this forum. Thank you for being here 
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| Posted 8/21/14 10:36 AM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you disagree on C.I.O.
Posted by MrsPenthouse
Posted by OrganicMama
If people would stop listening to their idiot doctors on parenting advice, there would be a lot more INSTINCTIVE, attached parenting and less detached, selfish parenting. Why is your baby's (general, directed at no one in particular) needs for comfort, closeness and food completely disregarded at night? Why is it that parents feel they can just flip a switch and your parenting duties are done at bedtime? I will never understand this. There are studies that it produces long term psychological damage in some infants. Also, it is proven that CIO creates a huge surge in stress hormones, that stick around even hours after baby falls asleep. IF IT FEELS WRONG, IT IS WRONG! And if your baby screamng for comfort and food doesn't feel wrong to you, I think that's just crazy and sick.
I admire you for voicing this and fully agree....we are just such a minority on this forum. Thank you for being here
I'm totally with you two! Babies cry for a reason and I'm not ok with ignoring it until they just give up. Yes, it's really rough but around a year old my kids actually did STTN (I used the No Cry Sleep Solution for help) and still do vast majority of nights now.
Also, at least in our house, DH is fine with the idea of CIO BUT he isn't woken up by a baby crying. He often would have no idea that I had been up with the baby 2-3 times. At least for my DH, he isn't wired to have a baby's cry wake him, where I'm up the second I hear a whimper. I could just be a lighter sleeper than he is but I tend to think this could be an evolutionary thing since women are the ones to breastfeed infants.
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| Posted 8/21/14 11:08 AM |
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