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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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So scared to feel hopeful!
I am really trying to be positive and feel excited about being in the 2WW but I think I finally reached the point that it is more of a bitter sweet time. I really never wanted to get like this... I am always a very positive person and have overcome so many crazy things...but then the 'why me' kicks in and I start feeling that negativity setting in. I put off TTC for #2 to finish my professional studies. I never thought that the endo would be doing so much damage over the years and that my time was limited. If I knew then what I know now, I would have started TTC years ago. I feel so guilty! I know what's done is done and time is already gone but I am so afraid that I missed my chance. Having the chemical last month brought me so much hope but also scared me. I am 5dpo and am getting cramps and feeling a strange fullness. I know that being on clomid, it's most likely from the four follicles. I just want to be hopeful again. Sorry for sounding a bit dramatic, just needed to vent a bit..
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Posted 6/17/13 6:16 PM  |
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MM2004
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Member since 5/05 1854 total posts
Name:
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So scared to feel hopeful!
If feel the same way you do. Why did I wait so long to try for #2? I too have a lot of guilt about that. Just try to relax and hope for the best!
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| Posted 6/17/13 6:23 PM |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: So scared to feel hopeful!
Thank you  Our LO's are just a few months apart! What's going on with your betas? Have you retested to see if things are increasing?
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| Posted 6/17/13 6:26 PM |
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MM2004
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Member since 5/05 1854 total posts
Name:
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So scared to feel hopeful!
Betas still not quite doubling but going up. Had a U/S today and my Dr. Said the sac is measuring smaller than he's like to see. My cautious optimism is slowly running out but I keep hoping and praying.
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| Posted 6/17/13 8:55 PM |
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babydreams21
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 3656 total posts
Name:
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So scared to feel hopeful!
Its so hard to feel positive in the 2ww for me anyways. I guess I had a positive attitude on the first 2 IUIs but now on IUI #4 its VERY hard to be optimistic. I'm hoping this is it. Beta on Thursday. You can't beat yourself up about waiting too long. Life happens and you have to go with it. Hopefully you will get a BFP soon.
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| Posted 6/17/13 9:30 PM |
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Re: So scared to feel hopeful!
I COMPLETELY understand how you feel and I haven't been through half as much as you have. It is normal to feel apprehensive, but celebrate each hurdle you overcome. The positive side is that although you had a chemical you were able to get pregnant. That in itself it a victory and means it WILL happen again! Hang in there.
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| Posted 6/17/13 10:46 PM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
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Re: So scared to feel hopeful!
hoping you get your BFP soon! 
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| Posted 6/18/13 9:32 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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So scared to feel hopeful!
I feel your pain. I just had 3 mc's back to back. DD is 5 and now I'm thinking I definitely should not have waited so long but whats done is done. I hope this is your month. Keep the faith 
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| Posted 6/18/13 9:44 AM |
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FlowerWife
Positive Vibrations...
Member since 1/08 8423 total posts
Name:
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So scared to feel hopeful!
for me the best thing was to be positive with no expectations. i think when you are going through IF its so hard to remember that you do not have to get pregnant every cycle. if you have to do a few cycles, thats what it takes. its not the end of the world if you dont get pregnant THIS cycle. i think remembering that perspective and remembering that if you dont get pregnant THIS cycle you can try again next month, and as many months as you so choose, is really important to remember. i know its hard to think like that but for me at least it was really important to remember that no single cycle was the be all end all. good luck!
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| Posted 6/18/13 12:33 PM |
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CindySN23
Stop, Think & Breathe...
Member since 8/11 3550 total posts
Name:
Cindy
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Re: So scared to feel hopeful!
Posted by FlowerWife
for me the best thing was to be positive with no expectations. i think when you are going through IF its so hard to remember that you do not have to get pregnant every cycle. if you have to do a few cycles, thats what it takes. its not the end of the world if you dont get pregnant THIS cycle. i think remembering that perspective and remembering that if you dont get pregnant THIS cycle you can try again next month, and as many months as you so choose, is really important to remember. i know its hard to think like that but for me at least it was really important to remember that no single cycle was the be all end all. good luck!
I agree with you 1000%!!! Having been going thru the IF struggle now for over 2 yrs you have to think positively and remember the what your goal is. IF is hard and will test you physically, mentally and especially emotionally but the struggles will make having that baby that much more precious. Having anxiety and stressing every cycle that you do not get pregnant does not help the situation at all and you have to just keep hope & faith that you are doing the best you can.
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| Posted 6/18/13 12:40 PM |
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IveGotAFeeling
Always look on the bright side
Member since 1/12 2286 total posts
Name:
of life!
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Re: So scared to feel hopeful!
Personally, I started focusing on other goals in my life and letting this be secondary. For over a year and a half, its been my main focus and its really difficult to have these constant "failures" every month. Maybe this is the wrong way to look at it, but I just am trying to put my attention to other positive things. I know how much it sucks. I feel for all of you that have had miscarriages. I just have been in a negative place for far too long so I just felt like it was time to start celebrating little "victories" in my life again.
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| Posted 6/18/13 12:54 PM |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: So scared to feel hopeful!
I will try, ladies. Thank you all for the input!
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| Posted 6/18/13 1:57 PM |
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shazza211
My life is complete
Member since 9/07 1580 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: So scared to feel hopeful!
I too wanted to wait between DS and my next child. I wanted to enjoy him and never anticipated unexplained secondary IF. We waited two years before TTC and it took over 2 more years, 2 miscarriages, 2 chemicals, all types of meds, IUI's, 2 IVF fresh and this last FET before getting to the point we are now at 35 weeks pregnant with DS #2. DS is about to turn 5 right when I am due with this LO.
I remember how I blamed myself for waiting so long and blamed my body for failing me with no real explanation or answers. Just the other night I dreamt that I had another miscarriage and had to start all over again....I guess these fears never really go away when you've been through so much to bring a child into this world.
Hang in there and I wish you the best for a speedy BFP that leads to a beautiful healthy baby.
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| Posted 6/18/13 7:38 PM |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: So scared to feel hopeful!
Posted by shazza211
I too wanted to wait between DS and my next child. I wanted to enjoy him and never anticipated unexplained secondary IF. We waited two years before TTC and it took over 2 more years, 2 miscarriages, 2 chemicals, all types of meds, IUI's, 2 IVF fresh and this last FET before getting to the point we are now at 35 weeks pregnant with DS #2. DS is about to turn 5 right when I am due with this LO.
I remember how I blamed myself for waiting so long and blamed my body for failing me with no real explanation or answers. Just the other night I dreamt that I had another miscarriage and had to start all over again....I guess these fears never really go away when you've been through so much to bring a child into this world.
Hang in there and I wish you the best for a speedy BFP that leads to a beautiful healthy baby.
Thanks so much!!!!! And congrats to you!!!
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| Posted 6/19/13 4:01 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: So scared to feel hopeful!
Posted by FlowerWife
for me the best thing was to be positive with no expectations. i think when you are going through IF its so hard to remember that you do not have to get pregnant every cycle. if you have to do a few cycles, thats what it takes. its not the end of the world if you dont get pregnant THIS cycle. i think remembering that perspective and remembering that if you dont get pregnant THIS cycle you can try again next month, and as many months as you so choose, is really important to remember. i know its hard to think like that but for me at least it was really important to remember that no single cycle was the be all end all. good luck!
I agree with this but it's so hard to have that mindset when going through the motions cycle to cycle. I remember once I hit year 3 of infertility treatments I said to myself ... welllllllllll the last 10 cycles didn't work so  .. it just seemed like there was more and more at stake the more time went on because I felt like we had already lost so much time on cycles that didn't work.
However -I do agree that trying to maintain this mindset is so important. My dh always told me everything a cycle didn't work .. "I believe in the process" .. meaning .. .one of the cycles is GOING TO WORK .. but I needed to see results.
I think maintaining this type of mindset shows so much strength - something I lost sight of along the way when at times I was convinced I was just not meant to be somebody's mother.
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| Posted 6/20/13 11:09 PM |
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