Re: how do you deal with losing your independence?

Posted by NervousNell

My advice is time.
It is a HUGE HUGE adjustments.
For me, it was 8 years of marriage with no children. We were set in our ways.
I remember after DD was born just sitting on the couch and crying and crying. Part of it was baby blues and crazy hormones, but part of it was feeling like I was MOURNING my old life.
Mourning it like a person who had died.
Because in a way, my old life HAD died.
And it was a sudden death.

I missed my friends at work, I missed my husband- we didn't even sleep in the same bed in the beginning because we would take shifts with her at night- one with her on the couch, the other in bed for a few hours of sleep.
I missed getting dressed up in the morning and going to work, i missed going out whenever I wanted, I missed going to the movies or out with friends on a whim.
Oh how I mourned.

But slowly, things started to get on even ground.
There was a new normal that started to develop.
You get in a groove and you get used to a new routine.
Gonig back to work helped me SOOO much. I felt like that little part of my old life was still there...and it felt good to reclaim it!

And now, 2.5 years later, this new normal is the most incredible thing I have ever expereienced.
I couldn't imagine ever going back to the way we were before her.
You will get there... you just need time!
Don't beat yourself up too much- you just went through the biggest life change you will ever experience!

Re: how do you deal with losing your independence?

With one kid, I was able to still lead a semi-normal life: was able to do hair, makeup, go out (yeah... it takes a little longer, but you can swing it).

With 2 kids that were less than 2 years apart... it all went OUT the window: I still do things, but I realize we are the annoying couple with kids where they shouldn't be.

You get used to the increased time to go to the store, to go get a coffee. You get used to the fact that you are no longer just you: you have your kids attached.

BTW: I work FT and found it harder when I went back. Although I have more time away from kids, I work hard & can't finish ANYTHING anymore. I cut down on number of showers a week, makeup, breakfast time.

I think hanging out with other moms helps a lot and the baby is worth the sacrifice.

Re: how do you deal with losing your independence?

You're still adjusting! I think everyone goes through that. Eventually life before kids becomes a surreal hazy memory....

What gets me through it is knowing I would never trade what I have with what I used to have.... And this is all temporary! My DS is 5 and a half and although I am nowhere near getting my life "back" yet, he is so much more independent. Eventually he will grow up and won't even be a part if my everyday life and I will miss when I was needed so much. It goes fast!!!!

Message edited 12/14/2012 5:24:55 PM.

how do you deal with losing your independence?

My DD is only 6 days old and I'm already mourning my old life, reading all these posts is so helpful! Although I'm sure I will look back on this time and be sad that DD grew up so quickly, I honestly cannot wait until she's a little older and we have a better understanding of how to take care of her. I hope you feel better and get into a good groove soon!!