FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

This is a part vent/part looking for advice. Please don't quote :)

I work 3 long days a week (full time hours) and have an infant at home. How do you divide up the housework with your spouse? I am finding more and more that it seems most things are falling on me, otherwise they wont get done (wash towels, wash sheets, vacuum, dust, food shopping, etc.). This is because it appears that I have more "free time" however I am still putting in 40 hours of work a week and I am tired.

I have tried talking to DH but I feel like nothing has changed. SO, how do you divvy up chores so that they get done? I have thought about a list but is that too juvenile?

For what its worth, I felt like we shared housekeeping responsibility better before having a child. Having an infant has worn us both down and I'm starting to become resentful feeling as though I am working full time, breastfeeding, and taking care of the "home". It's like the 1950s PLUS a full time job. :(

Any advice appreciated, thank you.

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

We use a list!

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

I remember feeling the same way after returning to work. We had a long talk, divided some responsibilities and have stuck to it!

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

I completely know where you are coming from. My DH and I both work full time, but especially when my DS was an infant, I was doing my full time job plus most of the housework and taking care of the baby. It did get easier now that my son is older (3) and my DH enjoys doing things with him and putting him to bed, etc. But in the very beginning - give your DH a choice - for example: Do you want to unload the dishwasher or throw a load of laundry in? Ask him which one he wants to do...this way he will see it as sharing the work rather than you saying you don't help me, or it's all on me...I have made that mistake before. And if he questions why it has changed, it's because your whole lives have changed, you have a new little person in the house and you can't do it all - and you'd appreciate his help! Even if it's just little things like taking out the garbage or putting the dishes away.

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

Posted by Bearcat

We use a list!

FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

Get a cleaning lady!

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

Our house is a mess.. I rarely dust and we clean, I mean REALLY clean, once a month or so? We dont let a sock on the floor tick us off. Who ever sees the trash if full takes it out. He does most cooking and cleaning now that Im working two jobs but even before. I do the laundry and put away the stuff. I pick up the living room so it looks only cluttered not wrecked.

We just accept that we can NOT have the house as we did prior to AJ. Just aint gonna happen. Not because SHE is making a mess (and yes she adds to it now that she's older) but because SHE is our MAIN priority. The rest is secondary.

I am that odd mom who would hold her child all the time, any time, as much as possible. I would NOT put her down to cook, clean or whatever and let her cry. I hated hearing her cry. I held her because she wanted to be held and I'm her mom, its my duty to comfort and hold her. We did not do CIO either. NOTHING matters to me but her. This will sound dramatic but I think can you imagine if we get into an accident tomorrow and I spent today dusting and letting her cry instead of holding her while I could?

Sure we clean when we can or don't because we don't want to. No harm, no foul. But there's no WAY I'd just take on the extra work. Id talk to him about it. He has vented to me he hates the paper on the floor, napkins her tissues. So as I walk through a room I pick them up. I hate large objects in walking areas, so he walks by something he'll move it. By default that ends up being clean up.

Our room though?
ABSOLUTE WRECK.

haha

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

I'm going to play devils advocate here...

Often I think of housework as the stuff inside the house like laundry, cooking, cleaning. DH helps with this but he also has stuff he does on his own, like outside stuff. He takes care of the lawn and shovels. Put things away before the storm and cleaned up after. Yes I do the majority of baby care but he's doing things also. My point is just try to see things from his point of view and think of what he does instead of just what he doesn't. Then have a talk and make a list if necessary. HTH and I hope things improve.

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

I had to chime in here. I see many if your husbands lending a helping hand. Mine does absolutely nothing!
He does work many hours. I know he's exhausted most of the time. I work too. Maybe not full time, but on the days that I do, they are long days.
I've tried lists, I've tried talking to him about doing little things, taking out the garbage, feeding the dogs, etc and not just throwing his clothes on the floor (this drives me nuts) and nothing changes.

It's his mothers fault. She really did everything for him when he lived at home. I really feel at times I am going to lose it. Everything falls on me, laundry, cleaning and taking care of the bills!!!

It been a huge issue in our marriage.

My ds just turned one years old. While I spend all my time with him and love it, I do feel lots of overwhelming feelings toward dh and his poor attitude.

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

I work full time, but so does DH. He works 6 days a week. I work 5, but some weeks I do afterschool twice a week and sometimes only once a week-those nights I get home around 6:30. When I get home from work I will usually throw a load of laundry in, feed DS, straighten up around the house. When DH comes home he'll give DS a bath and get him ready for bed. He'll put DS to bed and i'll load or unload the dishwasher. My house is messy but I'd rather be spending time with my DS than spending all my time cleaning. On the weekends I'll do more of the cleaning. I'll sweep or dust. Clean the bathroom, etc. DH usually does the yard work and takes out the trash. He will help me clean the floors. I usually do most of the housework but if I ask DH will help.

Re: FTWM with Infant- Need Advice

Thanks, everyone! I got some really good ideas and it is nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way. I think I will start with a list and see how it goes.