Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

I'm at a loss. I dont know what else to do.
My oldest DD will be 3 in Feb. She hates being around crowds. HATES it. Has this crippling fear or having a lot of people around her. And by "a lot" it could be 5 people or 50. I've said no to pretty important parties b/c I know we'd have to leave as soon as we got there.
It could take her hours before she would even let go of my leg or get off my lap. She screams, she cries, if someone comes up to her to say hello she FREAKS OUT. It's almost embarassing b/c she's so out of control.
Doesnt matter if we are around people she sees everyday (like grandparents, aunts/uncles) or if we are around distant relatives or friends. SHe acts the exact same. I think people are starting to get annoyed b/c all our time is spent trying to get her used to the situation.
I cant enjoy myself. I try and get a babysitter for the events I know i have to go to (or that i want to have a good time at) but that ends up costing us so much money.
My younger DD (18m) is completely opposite. LOVES being around people, wll go to anyone, will play with allt he kids etc. My older DD wont even sit and play with anyone else.
Today we had a 5th bday party with family that she sees prob 3 days a week and she cried and whined prob 90% of the time. I made sure to have her nap, we got there early so she wasnt walking into a crowd, but the crowd walked into her. complete disaster.
They had a bouncy house in the yard for the kids and she refused, kicked and screamed b/c she didnt want to be with the other kids. So when everyone went inside, my father was able to take her in there alone for about 20min. As soon as one little boy came back to bounce, she lost her mind. Total meltdown, ran out like someone was chasing her.
I had mentioned this to the ped before and she said its just a phase and she will grow out of it but its getting worse.
Will she grow out of this anxiety? or is there something else that could be wrong?
Other than this shes a total normal 2.5 yr old. SO funny, SO smart and talks until your ears bleed When shes in a crowd, besides crying and whining, she doesnt say a word (unless shes sitting with me or my mother)
I also enrolled her in a 2 day nursery program. Definitely not going the way i hoped it would. She just cries and clings to me. I cant stay for 2 hrs, nor do I want to but i do it thinking she will get better. But it doesnt :(

Sorry this is really long. I just feel terrible, idk what to do.

Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

I am not BTDT, but I think you should look into it more. It sounds like a social anxiety, and yes, while it is possible she will get better and "grow out of it" I personally wouldn't want it getting worse. Besides the 2x a week class do you do any other mommy and me or soft seperation classes? How is she if you bring her to a crowded store or mall? Does she react the same way no matter what?

Re: Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

Posted by ny55angel

I am not BTDT, but I think you should look into it more. It sounds like a social anxiety, and yes, while it is possible she will get better and "grow out of it" I personally wouldn't want it getting worse. Besides the 2x a week class do you do any other mommy and me or soft seperation classes? How is she if you bring her to a crowded store or mall? Does she react the same way no matter what?

Re: Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

I will be honest...this would concern me. I know your ped is saying she will outgrow it but this seems like pretty extreme behavior not just your typical separation anxiety. If it were me, I would ask my ped for recommendations to a therapist or psychologist that deals with children with social anxieties and just go to speak with them. It certainly can't hurt and it will most likely be very helpful. They will have strategies you can use to start to desensitize your daughter to these situations. Good luck! It sounds like this is really taking a toll on you and I'm so sorry for that.

Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

I would 100% bring her to a psychiatrist. They may be able to teach you techniques on how to help her feel less anxious in social situations. Poor baby sounds very stressed out and I am sure it is breaking your heart tk see. Even the ped doesnt seem concerned you are the mommy and you know when something isnt right. I would do it sooner than later as it may br harder ti change as she gets older. Good luck

Re: Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

Posted by Teachergal

I will be honest...this would concern me. I know your ped is saying she will outgrow it but this seems like pretty extreme behavior not just your typical separation anxiety. If it were me, I would ask my ped for recommendations to a therapist or psychologist that deals with children with social anxieties and just go to speak with them. It certainly can't hurt and it will most likely be very helpful. They will have strategies you can use to start to desensitize your daughter to these situations. Good luck! It sounds like this is really taking a toll on you and I'm so sorry for that.

Re: Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

I would definitely talk to someone. Once an anxiety starts to severely affect day-to-day activities and prevents you from doing things, I think it's time to talk to someone. There are many techniques they can give you to help with her anxiety.

Re: Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

Thank you for all your advice :)

Im going to start calling around this week

Re: Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

Would it help if she went to a party and everyone ignored her? Not even made eye contact? Maybe you can tell family and friends to try it. If she is ok in crowded places like the mall, where there are lots of people, but no one is making demands of her (eye contact, taking to her, asking questions handing stuff to her etc..) then maybe creating this environment at a party would help.

Re: Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

My DD is/was the same way. I TOTALLY understand what you mean about being embarrassed. I have been battling this since she was an infant. It doesn't help that she has been with my mother while I'm at work all these years. She wasn't around other people other than my family until I put her in a summer program this summer and that really helped. She cried each day that I left her but I knew she was fine there. She is in Pre-K now and I see such a difference. I don't think she is like the average 4 year old but she is doing much better overall. I was losing a lot of sleep over this. What is most interesting is that I mentioned this to her preschool teachers (she is full day) and both said that she does not display any of the behaviors that I am concerned about. I realized that she does much better socially when I am not around. As long as I am there she will cling on to me. My son used to be very social (he is 2) but recently he has taken on my DD's behaviors. Now that she is improving socially, he is regressing. I am not as concerned anymore because I feel that now that she is in PreK, she is doing much better. I plan on putting DS in soon. Good luck! I know things will get better!

Message edited 10/14/2012 12:57:16 PM.

Re: Anyone with a very VERY shy DC?-sorry long

Hmmmmm...I opened this thread because my DS was very shy as a toddler and has outgrown it to a large extent. That said, I think what you describe is extreme and a little bit concerning. I have a DD your DD age as well so its easy for me to visualize the age and, personally, I agree with the above posters that suggested talking to someone.