What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

The venue is a bit smaller and so we were hoping to shave a bit. There are some people I was shaving either way- mostly friends from grad school that faded away in the last few years.

DH wants to give a few more couples the boot too. Obviously these aren't people very close to us but there's something unsavory to me about it. I feel like it's making a definite statement to them- something like our friendship has been fading and now you got the cut. I don't mean to sound egotistical either- I mean, I'm sure these people feel sorta the same about us, right? It takes two to put the friendship on the back burner.

Also there's one guy in particular that is our mutual old friend. He will likely be getting the ax b/c the other people who "go with" him are also gone and to top it off he's single now so I feel like he will be so out of place. I feel kinda crappy about it though- like he will see the party on fb (possibly- I never see him on there but he may be a silent stalker like my dh is, lol). That one is sort of nagging me more.

I don't want to say that it's reaaaallly 100% about the venue being a little smaller- it's kind of a combo. Like these people have become distant and we are hoping for a smaller number to boot.

What do you guys think about being invited to one and not the next? DS are 20 months apart for a time frame reference. The grad school buddies were starting to fade even then but now it's like fb contact only. I guess I'm more concerned with the few couples that are from much longer standing "old" friendships and also that one guy.

Re: What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

I have to say that I think its fine to stop inviting people to kids birthday parties, in fact I think its appropriate. A first birthday is one thing, but after that I think its time to make the gathering into a family event, or a child's event. I would not want to be invited to most of my friends childrens2 plus birthdays unless I have kids the same age...no?

EDIT: Woops just realized I misread...sorry. Yea, I still think its ok to knock people off the list. If you are uncomfortable just say you having a small party.

Message edited 10/3/2012 9:08:49 PM.

Re: What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

I think it is fine!

Honestly I don't think people especially those without kids really care much if they are invited to a 1st bday party.

What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

I think its fine... I think some people expect less after the first kid anyway(even though in theory they all should be equal)

Re: What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

We've had different size parties each year. Now I feel that it is becoming more about who my kid has a relationship with. That's why I will always post on the boards that the kids from school, who they see every day, are important people to invite! I would not exclude someone only because they are single. Let them make the choice about whether they are comfortable. I always wanted to go to friend's kids parties & to be included. I got married when I was 37. I had a lot of friends who married at 24-25. And hey, now their kids are my babysitters so we are all glad we kept in touch .

Re: What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

Re: What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

I agree..we cut down our list quite a bit with the 2nd and 3rd birthdays.

What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

We are cutting down our list for DS second birthday. His 1st birthday was a huge bash at the beach with 75 people. His second birthday will have around 30 in our backyard. Most friends were cut- the only ones coming are my 2 best friends and DH's best friend. All of our other friends understand.

Re: What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

I can undersstand why you are uncomfortable. I would be too. Especially in light of the FB days where people can find out they weren't invited. I think most people won't care if they do or don't attend, but some people get offended if they aren't given the option. In that vain, I would just invite them just so there aren't any hard feelings.

Re: What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

Thx ladies. I think I'm only going to salvage that one person.

Re: What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

That is why i don't like using facebook. I am a silent facebook user and rarely add new people. DH is not even my friend. He uses it less than I do.

If you drift apart and don't talk, it is no big deal. You may feel bad if you can see their lives with some of your old friends without you.

I sometimes feel bad when I see pics of my old friends in NYC. Then I have to remind myself that I moved to DC so we won't get invited to everything in NYC anymore. We only got invited to 2 birthday parties in NYC this past year.

Re: What do you think about not inviting people to ds2's 1st bday that were invited to ds1's? Need some perspective.

It's fine.

We are struggling a bit financially so we are having a much smaller get together for DD2 (mine are 20 months apart too). I invited EVERYONE to DD1's party. DD2 will have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and her godfather and his wife. That's 20 people already.