Any SAHM want to go back to work?

Please no flames ....


I've been a SAHM for 2.5 years with DS. I've always thought that SAH was what I wanted but, I admit, I've found it to be more stressful, chaotic and, perhaps worst of all, more isolating than I imagined.

I joined DH at a casual work function yesterday (with DS). I saw DH with his work friends, laughing, having drinks, sharing "inside jokes" and I really started to miss my old work experiences. I know it's not all rainbows and lollipops but I really envied the women there who had a "balance" ... a great family AND a fulfilling career.

I tried talking to DH about it. He thinks I'm nuts to want to work and that I should appreciate how hard he works so I don't have to. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't just about money. I need to do something for myself. As much as I love playdates and running around the playground, I'm not mentally stimulated.

Anyone else feel this way? I feel like all my SAHM friends are baby-making machines and are in love with SAH. I doubt they would understand.

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I was a SAHM for 4 years. I used to work an insane job in the city, but with people who I adored. I missed that interaction. Last year I decided to purchase Cupcakes Catering and so now I do that from home. I'm still home, but it gets me out of the house more. I actually use my brain and get to think about ideas. I talk to other adults. It's just lovely. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to go back to work, being a SAHM is HARD!

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

Posted by Diana1215

I was a SAHM for 4 years. I used to work an insane job in the city, but with people who I adored. I missed that interaction. Last year I decided to purchase Cupcakes Catering and so now I do that from home. I'm still home, but it gets me out of the house more. I actually use my brain and get to think about ideas. I talk to other adults. It's just lovely. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to go back to work, being a SAHM is HARD!

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I have been a SAHM for 6.5 years so far and there have been so many times I wanted to go back to work. It just never made sense finically. I see myself going back, just not sure when. Right now the baby is 18 months so I still will be home a while.

I don't think your feelings are wrong. You have to do what feels right and not feel guilty about it

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

No, I hope to never have a regular 9-5 job again. But I'm kind of a hermit

I can totally understand why people want to go back and have some social interactions with adults that's not just about being parents. Can you maybe look for some part-time work so that you'll have some more balance?

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I longed to be a SAHM and when I was, I wanted to go back to work. When DS#2 was 9 months old, I worked very part time (~10 hours a week). Now I work about 20-30 hours a week. I love it!

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I was never a SAHM but everything you wrote in your original post was the reason why I never wanted to try it.
Sometimes it's about more than money- it's about the mental stimluation and the work/life balance.
I feel it makes me a better mom, wife, person to have my career and get out every day.

At the end of the day, it's a very personal thing.
Just like not everyone is cut out to be a doctor, a teacher, an accountant, not everyone is cut to be a SAHM. And not everyone is cut out to be a working mom either.
It's as personal, IMO, as your personality.
You shouldn't feel guilty about it either. It doesn't mean you love your children any less.
It just means being a SAHM might not suit your pesonal needs.

Message edited 9/20/2012 11:46:01 AM.

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I can understand the desire to go back-- especially with a 2.5 yr old. Honestly, I think age 1 yo to 3 yo is the time when it truly is harder to be a SAHM than a working mom. You are chasing around and trying to reason with a toddler ALL DAY LONG.

That said, now that you've survived some of the really hard years, you might want to wait and see if you really want to go back. Because now that my children are in school (one elementary school and one pre-school), I definitely feel like the tide has turned and I have it much easier than my working mom friends. When your kids are school-age, there are a LOT of days off, weeks off, half days, snow days, and of course sick days. That's a lot of time off that you and your DH will have to split. Then there are school functions you'll want to attend, activities you'll want them to do, and homework you'll want to review. I like how I have blocks of time during my day where I can do my errands, laundry and cleaning, so I can focus on the kids and their activities after school. I've gotten super-involved in the PTA, which is a great way to make friends from school and work on various projects. Nowadays I also find it so much easier to fit in a nice workout, to do things like read the newspapers and keep up with topics that interest me, and so forth. Overall, life is still busy, but so much more manageable than it was during the chaotic 24/7 toddler years.

So, I totally relate to what you're feeling right now, just wanted to tell you there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and things get SO much better :)

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I went back to work p/t just on the weekends.
Being around adults and talking to grown ups, even if it's just for a few hours has been great!

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I've been a SAHM since Jan. 2007 when DS was born.
He started Kindergarten and my DD started pre-k (FT) 2 weeks ago.
It's been 2 weeks and I'm already itching to find work.
When I was home with DS (before DD was born), I did babysit and it was perfect. It was in my home, it kept me busy, etc.
I did have my moments where I wanted to go out and work, but, with EI sessions it was hard.
Now, EI has ended, school has taken them both FT and I am looking everyday for PT work.

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

Me!!

I want to be home by 4 and that is hard to find. Most jobs end at 5.

I think computergirl is right, this is the hard part. Once the kids are in school, it may be easier being home!

Message edited 9/20/2012 2:02:53 PM.

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I am enjoying being a SAHM, but i can't wait untiil they are both in full time school and I can go back to work!

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I have been a SAHM for 3.5 years. My sons are 4 and 2.

I miss the social aspect of work (like the party with your DH's work that you described) and the friends I made. But I don't miss working full time.

I know it is busy now- but things will get easier when they are in school.

If you miss working, you should look into finding something and at least see what your options are.

My Mom did it all: was a SAHM for years, worked PT and then worked FT. She said by far, working PT was the best balance and easiest for her on all levels.

Does your DH help out a lot at home? If not, keep in mind that you will likely be stressed and exhausted beyond belief if you go back to working FT. My Mom said the majority of cleaning, cooking, errands, laundry, bill paying, clothes shopping, activity planning, and homework assistance fell on her shoulders, even when she worked as many hours as my Dad.

While I have some hard days being a SAHM, I don't want to introduce that additional stress in my life unless it was financially necessary.

Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I definitely miss my friends and the social part of working, but not having work related stress on top of regular stress is amazing. DH works LONG hours so I would be way too stressed out doing everything myself. There are some days when I feel like my brain is rotting away though!

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I am not a SAHM but I am off for the summer and let me tell you it is hard work. I felt terrible for wanting to go back to work in the summer but working helps me to be who I am. I chose my profession for a reason and I really enjoy working.

Right now I work 4 days a week 8 to 2:30 and it is the perfect balance for me.

Perhaps you can work part time?

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

Any SAHM want to go back to work?

i couldn't possibly feel any more opposite!!
im a SAHM but not on purpose. it wasn't my choice although i wish it was.
i would give almost ANYTHING not to go back to work. my husband does not make nearly enough for that to ever be an option. we'd need to win the lottery.
i dont miss ANYTHING about work. i hate my old corporate environments and i loathe the thought of having to balance that and DD and any more future kids.
however almost all of my friends are SAHMs and we all have similar aged children. i feel more isolated going back to work and having to fit in with corporate BS than i ever have over the past 16m staying home with DD.

i am only sharing this because i find it so interesting how we all want what we don't have. if it weren't for money i wouldn't ever for a second consider going back to work. maybe once DD and any future children are in school full time. but as babies i wouldn't want to miss a moment of this. they only stay little for a short time.

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

ive only been a SAHM for 4ish months but i know im going to feel how you do! All of my friends are just starting to get married and don't want children for at least a couple of years and DH works 6 days a week with long hours. I find myself already feeling a bit isolated with no one to talk to sometimes other than my 15 week old baby! We still want more children though and I always wanted to be an elementary teacher so i may go back to school for my masters and take the 10 yr plan so i dont go nuts in the future!!

Youre definitly not crazy!!! It is HARD to be a SAHM - my DH doesnt understand sometimes either. Taking care of a baby/children is a job in itself, but then also cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. PLUS the isolation - it gets physically and mentally exhausting! Start workin part-time and see how you feel :)

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

Is there anything else you can do? I'm home on maternity but I keep myself entertained by playing sports... I play coed softball and volleyball twice a week plus I'm in a wine club that meets once per month.

Instead of jumping right back into work try doing something for yourself. That way you get the adult interaction without the 9-5 commitment.

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I feel that way often. DD is 2.5 and I am preggo with #2. I plan on going back when DS is almost 1. I'm starting to lose it sometimes.

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

I firmly believe that moms need to do whatever is going to make THEM the happiest. Because your children pick up on how you're feeling..if you're happy working, it will show! And you'll be a better mom at the end of the day!

I am very happy being a SAHM and not working, but i know it isn't for everyone.

I have constant get togethers with other SAHM's...we let the little ones play since our older ones are now in full day kindergarten and we chat, have lunch and occasionally a drink . It really breaks up the day, the kids are happy, the moms are happy and its just a nice environment. i did NOT feel happy when i was first a SAHM and didn't know many other women in my area. It was isolating, i'll admit. But i made myself meet people and get involved. I can't imagine ever going back to FT corporate life.

I do however want to work PT at a hospital...not sure what yet, but I have tons of plans to do so...I love the medical field and trying to see where I can fit in.

Re: Any SAHM want to go back to work?

Thanks for the advice, support and kind words.